10 years after...(stream of thoughts)

[blahblahblah]

walking on the moon
american flag flying high
lsd dreams

careless youth
high as a kite
windy city
4th of july
huge parties
good times
friends
girls galore
pinwheels and fireworks
hotdogs and corn-on-the-cob
nicotine and cough syrup
caffeine and amphetamines
ADD bitch,

corner street hustlers
20 dollar sluts
rocks in my head
heroin in my veins

methadone
pink addicted to the taste
why am I taking this crap
2 years wasted
need a fix

fiend
dirty smelly
puke-covered car
to sick to stop
just one more hit
one more bag
please,

I'd do it for you
get the fuck outta my car
gimme your money

stolen cars
pawn shops
gas-and-go's
steal rob cheat
american dreams
pawn shops on every corner
"No Dad I didnt steal your power tools", I swear
junked out lies
madness
rehab.....fiend
back on the street
fresh brown liquid 10cc
chemical rush
red and blues 5-0
county jail
gangstar-neutron
high in jail
20 bags for 3 candybars, 2 packs of smokes
i need bail
thanks parents, I swear this is the end

20 mins later
needle in my arm
shaking
oh the feeling
no pain no gain
pathetic
death? suicide?
shrinks meds
help me
shaking

Relocate NYC
sure mom
stock up on dope
run out quick
need to score
ahhh a savior
dressed in week old rags
ratty dreads
good heroin
mom.....western union NOW!!!
again and again
I will send you a check every wends.
coke shots
speeding to the end of the galaxy
comedown hard
Hep C, junked out freaks
Cops, mexicano's
homeless soup kitchens
needle exchanges
neat kits
depressing
the Bowery
Avenue A and Houston
enter the junk

Fly back home
dreaming of chicago dope
i need it, I want it, its mine
why oh why is this happening to me
what did I do to deserve this
pain pain
isolation
cant cry
no emotions
withdrawl
phonecall
"Lets go, Ill buy"
split-second YES
back on the white pony
madness

NA meeting
what freaks
feelings? remorse?
ahh shit
cant deal
the cards are all bunk

what to do
what to do
type it out
push the keys

relapse tomorrow?
today, now?
cant go back
I will die

Inner-space
pot and mushrooms
get back, get back
to where it all began
meds help
pray
oh lordy what have I done

Friends die
Friends go to the joint
Friend in rehab for years on end
Friends are running slim
3 od's in the past 2 weeks
Cadillacs and lincons (sp?)
American dreams
the man on the street just bought a new car off your hopes and dreams

Clueless...???
10 years down the drain
10 years in the vein
Endocarditis and abscess nightmares

 

[titania]

fuck! That gripped me! It was so honest and pure! I hope with all my heart that it all works out...

xxx

 

[Cosmic Mist]

ye gods...

Such power in such few words... and the emotion is so real.

Where ever you go, i hope that it works out for you.