1 step forward, 2 steps back

canucka

Bluelighter
Joined
Oct 1, 2007
Messages
161
Location
CowTown
I was doing good.. very good indeed.. and i was very proud of myself and happy about how things were goin.. ive been clean of IV heroin as of february of this year.. i was back in school and was going to get my highschool diploma this year.. i wouldve been finished ! finally! ive got a great paying union job.. though at the moment they have no use for me so im waiting for the call for me to come back in.. which is fine.. i needed a break from work anyway..

then yesterday after getting home from my 7th 10.5 hour day of classes.. i was greeted by 2 messages on my machine that single handedly ruined more than just my day..

i had registered for classes when i was 19.. but because i was 20 on my first day of classes.. the message on the machine stated that i had to pay 1300 instead of the original 300 for tuition.. im 9 grand in debt because i just got audited.. i couldnt afford it so i had to withdraw from all my classes.. they also wouldnt refund the 300 fucking dollars.. so just like that im out of school again.. and pissed..
the second message was a notification that the serj tankian concert this weekend that i had been anticipating for 2 months and had 4th row tickets for was fucking cancelled..

so i relapsed..
and now i have enough heroin at my disposal to kill a horse.. enough horse to kill a horse.. heh.. no but seriously.. im genuinely scared that im gonna either OD or end up losing my job because of this or both.. im scared that i wont have any control over it and my life is gonna spiral out of control again because of the heroin..

What the fuck can i do ?? should i do??
 
I know the position your in must be hard but the best advice I can give you is don't use heroin. Drugs never made my problems go away they only made them worse. Instead of getting high figure out a solution to your problems.

I know your probably thinking that I don't know what I am talking about but I do. Just stay strong and use your support system. Surround yourself with people who don't use and keep your goal in mind.

Even if you do decide to use or if you already have say "fuck it I made a mistake" and start over again. I know that early into sobriety there are alot of stumbling blocks and this is one of them.
 
OP,

I hear what your saying buddy. Thinks go bad, things go good, or no change at all, its always a good time to use huh?

Whether you used or not, I believe I would get rid of your stash, if I truly wanted to stay clean. Hell I couldn't resist, and I don't even do H.

Best to ya !
 
You don't seem to be very "go getter about this." Just because you had a set back, it doesn't mean the show is over! Just toss the h or sell it back half price to your dealer or something. Find another way. Do you actually want things to work out? A lot of people sub conciously don't want things to work out so they self sabotage... If u want things to work, I am sure u will find a way.
 
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