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#1 reason why you wish u never tried opiates

b4rd

b4rd

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 22, 2009
Messages
852
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The Bay
I wish I never tried op opiates because after having a taste for them I never want to live real life while not feeling a the warmth of an opioid.


Why do you guys wish you had never tried an opiate?
 
Because it's where my mind always ends up wandering when times get tough.

Dealing with that though is much easier than dealing with waking up in the morning sick and wondering how in the hell I allowed myself to become such a piece of shit again.

The curse of the cravings after that first glorious high is the biggest reason I wish I never tried them, but I don't miss the feeling of self-loathing and having to maintain just to feel right at all.
 
I like them so much because of their anti-depressant effects. I know there are studies out there that indicate that case. In fact, I've seen studies from doctors that say that they should be given as an anti-depressant.

Since I suffer from depression and anxiety, this makes me love them so much. I feel such a since of well being and positivity when high on opiates. I've been on and off them for about 3 years now. Of course the downside being the withdrawal. To me, nothing is worse than detoxing off opiates. And for some reason, even if I take 30mg of hydrocodone twice a day for 5 days, I still get depressed and anxious when I stop. I think because my body remembers when I was taking 360mg of oxycodone a day for months at a time. Post Acute Withdrawal Syndrome can last well over a year. And that in itself, sucks!
 
Thought about this a lot lately. For me it's opportunity cost. I mean, luckily i never got into too much trouble with opiates or other drugs, but who can say what my life would be like had i never gotten this deep into 'em. Part of the PROBLEM is that i DON'T have a problem, that i don't get it to that level, that no matter what i have a hunnit bucks to go throw at some beans. Well that in itself isn't the problem but rather that i could go on in perpetuity doing what i'm doing, but it completely saps me of my fire.

I used to feel that inner fire, that desire to just get out into the world and rip it up, and now good enough is good enough. If i'd never taken any opiates there's a chance that i'd have gotten better grades in school, that maybe i'd have done an internship or i would have not settled for the 3rd job i interviewed for out of school. But i'm a realist and the other side of that is maybe i'd have burned out even sooner and blown my top in my first year of working and put my fist through a wall. Who knows?

I'm sure that i would be more like my boring sober friends. Girl i used to live with: Work, walk dogs, watch Say Yes to the Dress, if it's Friday fuck boyfriend, sleep, work, walk dogs....motherfuck that. I lead a much more interesting and varied and vibrant life because of who drugs put me in contact with, and because of how they make me feel. Overall i don't wish i never too opiates, opiates are the shit, even though have run a train on me 3-4 times (evil pods).

Whatever doesn't kill you makes you stronger, and that's really applicable here. If you can get past a serious Oxy addiction you can do anything IMO.
 
cause ill forever be a slave, wakin up thinking about gettin high...even when i stay clean for periods of time im battling the thought of goin n gettin some smack...im not stayin clean for myself i do it for my loved ones...and im livin in hell everyday im clean
its a sad situation and if i never touched it id have everything i could have wanted in life.
its sad that i love somethin that has destructed my life so much. addiction has got me the balls and i dont see me ever truly stoppin, and it saddens me bcuz ive seen friends stop and now its not even an option to get high, yet here i am, thinkin bout shootin drugs.
 
Cause now I know what it feels like and now I know that nothing else will ever give me that feeling ever again and I cannot have it again...
 
I wish I never tried opiates because it made some of my good friends think I was going out of control and they told sooo many other people that I have a problem. I did H maybe 8 times and now I have lost many friends.
 
I didn't "try" opiates, so much as I "needed" them.... I'm in a lot of pain constantly, and the Army sawbones hand out tramadol & percocet scripts like mad.
When they stopped working, I was given that ol' fashion'd morphine.

I wish I could've borne the pain like I've seen other guys do, who were hurt far worse than I.... guys with limbs blown-off/amputated, severe TBI from blast overpressure and/or shrapnel, etc.... I'm a total pussy & a sham compared to the ones who have learned to walk again.... even jumped out of perfectly fuckin' good aircraft.....

But that's not #1. Close, but no.

#1 reason I wish I'd never used opiates?
A: It destroyed my Army career; but most importantly, it absolutely demolished my relationship with the girl I had loved (and had been loved) enough to marry... whom I had truly intended & wanted to be with until we went into the void.... and who was really the only person I could tolerate & enjoy having around & in my personal-space.
The remnants of that life have been scattered to the winds now, and I'm left alone, typing this shit.
 
^ Yeah, I chose heroin over a woman that was pretty much perfect in every possible way. We were engaged, too, and she's the only ex I have that won't even talk to me.

I think I just hurt her way too much. :(

But I still don't regret using opiates. If anything, that was one of the most valuable lessons I've learned in life: Nice girls don't like junkies.
 
Its not about the warmth or euphoria at all for me. That definitely plays a pretty big role, the fact that once you can feel like that you simply prefer to never feel natural again, but that feeling also goes away once you get tolerant to your DOC. Or at least it did for me.

And after that little honey moon period of actually feeling good on opiates, my liver starting devouring them left and right which would push me into withdrawals quicker and quicker. Before not too long, I was taking enormous doses just to not be sick. And the way it is now, even having an extremely low tolerance, I KNOW if I went back to high doses I might get high for like 3-4 days, but after that I'd go right back to where I was before. Just blowing more and more money to avoid being sick.

So I'm a bit confused how people miss their opiates so much.
You guys enjoy the wds? Not having any natural endorphins? Not really being able to care about anything in life unless you're constantly upping your dose?

I have a totally different perspective towards opiates. I think in a way they're not really great, and they're not really terrible. They are more or less neutral imo. You get high today, you're sick tommorow. It always seems to equal itself out. So opiates aren't really better than anything else in life imo. You love someone, you break up, you feel like shit. You love an opiate, you break up with it, you feel like shit.

So as far as the #1 reason why I wish I never tried opiates. I can't say there really is a reason. I mean did I all a sudden discover one day that I was gonna wd from them? No, most people with common sense realize that before they even start using. Maybe they don't realize how bad it can get, but thats still not a reason to regret using opiates.

I guess if I regret anything, its the question of why the fuck I keep going back to them, when everytime I stop I feel like I'm more certain than god that I'll never use again. So they're just a really deceptive drug imo. Even after going through wds so many times, I still somehow manage to fool myself I can get high again and avoid that whole shitty end process. But I notice at this point in my life just taking 1 single dose, I already feel crappy by the next day. Even if I wait 10 years to use again, I'm just much more sensitive to how the actually effect my body.
I can take a dose of w/e, have energy today and be happy, but even if Im not addicted come tommorow I'm just gonna be tired and groggy, and not really excited to do much of anything. So it seems that opiates may change your biology over a certain course of time.
I use to be able to go a long time w/out using, and take a single dose and not feel any sort of rebound the next day, but whether I'm addicted or not now theres just always some sort of backlash.
Taking opiates is like opening a line of credit with an interest rate of a thousand %. I think some people think "hey if I can get high for 5 years straight it sure as hell beats 1 measily months of wds", but who the hell actually gets high for 5 years straight? After the first few months it always seems the most I can get is just a glow, and to sarifice that for 1 month of terrible wds I just don't see it as worth it anymore. Not to mention the fact most people can't redose their DOC the second its half life starts to decrease (for financial reasons) so even when we're getting high we are still spending a ton of time in wds.

So that first 4-6 months you may actually get high, if you use for 3-4 years, you can actually wind up spending about a whole year (maybe more who knows) in wds. Most people I think don't let the wds get too bad, and do it just to space out their use, but it still sucks to have to be in minor wds half of every waking day.

and this definitely turned into more of a rant than I was expecting lol, sorry about that.
 
Because I don't like drugs at all let alone ones that made me become physically addicted to them. I wish I would have known the long term effects from them like the need to taper and withdrawal. They need another one of those little warning labels on the bottle for this!
 
because I am already shy and have a hard time making friends, and doing dope and roxi's just gave me more of a reason to avoid people. spring break '09 I was partying with a bunch of friends and getting drunk every night in Panama City Beach. spring break '10 I was shooting heroin and nodding off all day. the kind of "friends" you make through heroin never stay around for long, and you end up pushing away the friends that don't do it.
I've always been a hard worker but not a social butterfly, so I somehow kept my grades up and worked 20 hours a week while doing dope last semester, but I never went out and only talked to my boyfriend
 
Because they caused me to make a lot of very poor decisions, waste a ton of money, and now they are sending me to jail.

And still I have that craving/desire to use. I know that it's worthless at this point though, if I started using opiates now I may as well put a gun to my head and pull the trigger.
 
Because their allure is something I am going to have to contend with/fight/occasionally capitulate to every day for the rest of my life. They fucked up my priorities and I still am dealing with the fall-out from that. Sometimes I rage about the fact that I have one of "those" brains which does not produce enough natural endorphins to keep me happy and feeling good like a "normal" person's, and that this condition is so misunderstood, and untreated, and thus people who self-medicate just so they can feel OK are demonized and criminalized and considered to be weak. But, that starts to feel like a poor-me pity party after awhile, so I usually get hold of myself and live with with the cards I have been dealt, most of which are not bad cards at all. Even a few aces thrown in there.
 
well i hear what a lot of you guys are saying. opiates are my thing, but with the argument "i wish i never tried them because now real life wont be as good without them" i dont really understand. even if you have to quit them because they ruined your life, you got to feel something physically and mentally that not many people have before. that warm blanket of hope, dreams, and comforting seclusion that is opiates. why would you give that up? fine you fucked your life up and now you dont do them anymore, dont take that expirence away. ever.
 
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