Raz
Bluelighter
A dark room and a blind piece of meat is not what I want anymore.
Crippled by my self-administered emotional hobbling, I wonder where the way out is. All I can see is a future of glory holes and sexual encounters devoid of passion. I freeze at the thought of being with men I love.
It's not rejection that kills me, it's the fear that It Will All Fuck Up.
It's the knowledge that I'd rather be friends with these men than be their ex. It's the truth that nothing so intense lasts forever.
This was all fine when I wanted to hurt myself. This was the only thing I could be when the thought of letting somebody love me would reduce me to tears. But I'm not that person anymore.
I don't crave their affection, but I see the opportunity for it, and even though I know it's the better choice I still can't open that door. I stand on the threshold with Winter making me brittle, and I search myself for the key that will open that door.
And I hope I find the key before Winter breaks me.
Crippled by my self-administered emotional hobbling, I wonder where the way out is. All I can see is a future of glory holes and sexual encounters devoid of passion. I freeze at the thought of being with men I love.
It's not rejection that kills me, it's the fear that It Will All Fuck Up.
It's the knowledge that I'd rather be friends with these men than be their ex. It's the truth that nothing so intense lasts forever.
This was all fine when I wanted to hurt myself. This was the only thing I could be when the thought of letting somebody love me would reduce me to tears. But I'm not that person anymore.
I don't crave their affection, but I see the opportunity for it, and even though I know it's the better choice I still can't open that door. I stand on the threshold with Winter making me brittle, and I search myself for the key that will open that door.
And I hope I find the key before Winter breaks me.
