前男友和现女友有性行为 让我感到恶心甚至呕吐

[小奕同学]

我和我的前男友是因为性才在谈恋爱的 我们都是第一次 在我们恋爱期间他和一位异性有越界行为 我并没有大发雷霆 而是很果断的提了分手 他挽留了我很多次 我都没有心软而原谅他 后来他发现挽留无果后对我破口大骂 甚至说我就是活该不幸福这种话 我之前也想过他们已经发生关系了 但真的发生了我却接受不了 哪怕已经分手很久了 但我随后在朋友口中得知后 我思绪很混乱 随后开始呕吐 我想到他们性爱的画面就会感到剧烈的恶心感 我不知道是想到被这种人渣欺骗而感到恶心 还是因为他背叛我还伤害我的无力感 我不知道该怎么让我不去反复想这个人 我不想让我这么痛苦

 

[M!$TER-ED]

My ex-boyfriend and I fell in love because of sex. It was the first time for both of us. During our relationship, he had a cross-border behavior with the opposite sex. I didn't get angry, but broke up very decisively. He kept me for me many times. I didn't forgive him. Later, he found that the retention was fruitless and scolded me. He even said that I deserved to be unhappy. I had thought before that they had sex, but it really happened, but I couldn't accept it. Even if we had broken up for a long time. But after learning from my friends, I was confused and then began to vomit. I felt a severe nausea when I thought of their sex. I don't know whether I felt sick when I thought of being deceived by this kind of scum, or because he betrayed me and hurt my powerlessness. I don't know how to stop thinking.
translated.
Sex and relationships are powerful because of the vulnerability that is involved. One experience, good or bad defines every experience you may have. Surround yourself with positive people to build confidence in yourself and people you are with. Don't give up on having relationships, give yourself time to heal and when you are ready, you set the pace by controlling how the relationship develops. Don't get pressured into doing something you don't want to do.
Of course I live in the US and there may be cultural differences in other countries. I was brought up that if a woman says no, she means no and I respect that. Of course I may try again but ultimately it is her decision.
I hope my response is helpful to you, you don't need to rush a relationship, let it develop naturally for both parties.

 

[小奕同学]

我和前男友是因为性而相爱的，那也是我们彼此的第一次。恋爱期间，他和异性有染。我没有生气，而是果断地提出了分手。他多次挽留我，但我始终无法原谅他。后来，他发现挽留无济于事，便责骂我，甚至说我活该不幸福。我之前就怀疑他们发生了性关系，没想到竟然真的发生了，但我还是无法接受，即使我们已经分手很久了。但是从朋友那里得知真相后，我感到困惑，然后开始呕吐。一想到他们发生性关系，我就感到一阵恶心。我不知道是因为被这种人渣欺骗而感到恶心，还是因为他背叛了我，伤害了我的无力感。我不知道该如何停止思考。
已翻译。
性和人际关系之所以强大，是因为它们都包含着脆弱性。一次经历，无论好坏，都会影响你之后的所有经历。多和积极向上的人相处，可以增强你对自己和身边人的信心。不要放弃建立关系，给自己时间疗愈，当你准备好时，你可以通过掌控关系的发展节奏来决定关系的走向。不要迫于压力去做你不想做的事情。
当然，我住在美国，其他国家可能存在文化差异。我从小就被教育，如果一个女人说“不”，那就是“不”，我尊重她的选择。当然，我可能会再次尝试，但最终决定权在她手中。
希望我的回复对你有帮助，感情发展不必操之过急，让双方自然而然地发展就好。

谢谢 你的回复我确实有触动 我生活在中国 可能东亚国家确实性教育缺失 我的前男友也经常逼迫我与他发生关系 好在我已经离开了这种人渣 我与他分开之后我不敢再与他人建立关系 但我也绝对不会因为这些负面的事情而坠落或者放弃自己

 

[M!$TER-ED]

Thank you for your reply. I really touched me. I live in China. Maybe East Asian countries do lack sex education. My ex-boyfriend often forced me to have sex with him. Fortunately, I have left this kind of scum. After separating from him, I dare not establish relationships with others, but I will never fall or give up on myself because of these negative things.

That's great! You are the most important of all. Don't let anyone control who you are or want to be.