fairnymph
Ex-Bluelighter
How my husband died - a brilliant, just-turned 27 yr old chemist; cross-posted from the Shrine but I may edit for added detail from autopsy. If someone who attended Harvard for grad school in organic chemistry & went on to work for the largest pharmaceutical company in the world working on developing peptide drugs to treat Alzheimer's, who never once reused a needle or suffered prior damage from extensive (ab)use of numerous drugs, can OD accidentally, so can you. DO NOT IV FENTANYL OR ANALOGS! Our story:
I showered after a dinner out with our mutual friend; when I got out, I found my husband Ryan lying unconscious on the ground, cyanotic (totally blue in lips and fingernails), unresponsive, barely a pulse, barely or possibly not at all breathing. Later I found an uncapped syringe, a length of rubber tubing, and an empty, unlabeled vial which I believe contained alpha methyl fentanyl. I never heard back from the drs who were supposed to test the empty syringe & autopsy did not reveal anything but tramadol in his system. In anger, I flushed all the amf & fentanyl down the toilet but it was definitely one or the other that he IVed. Lab made, purified to medical grade.
I called 911, at 3:24 am. I had to drag his body several feet because he had collapsed in front of the entrance to our apartment. I do not know CPR and my attempts did not have much effect (neither did the paramedics', when they arrived). He had a heart attack in the ambulance. His lungs completely failed; he was on a ventilator but still not getting enough oxygen into his bloodstream for 36-48hrs as he continued to worsen in numerous ways. His heart had sustainted considerable damage; his blood pressure was initially very low (80/60) and his heart rate too high (up to 150bpm). He aspirated (vomit got into his lungs) and as a result he developed pneumonia as evidenced by his high fever (over 104F at one point).
48hrs later he was found to be completely brain dead, w/ zero brain activity. No responses or reflexes whatsoever. He had bleeding in his subarachnoid space and severe brain swelling as a result -- I saw the scans myself. He was simply oxygen deprived for too long, possibly up to as many as 30min. Even if he had somehow miraculously escaped brain damage, he would have needed lung and heart transplants due to the extensive damage sustained to these organs.
He was still on the ventilator at this point, but only until he could be transported to a hospital for organ donation. The one silver lining is that his liver was in good condition and both kidneys in excellent condition and they saved 3 people's lives. Unfortunately he won't be able to donate tissue (non-organs) because of his drug (ab)use, despite never having a blood infection or abcess or even having used needles much at all & certainly never injected pills; no diseases, and they wasted the rest of that healthy tissue purely bc I was completely honest with his drs.
In the prior 6 weeks Ryan had undergone withdrawal twice, first from fentanyl, then more recently from amf. I learned that he had IVed fentanyl at least once (the first I have ever heard of him IVing) during his addiction to it. The amf withdrawal was extremely intense and he took some naltrexone for it which made it all the worse. To my knowledge and based on his mood, he had not used for a week before his OD (confirmed by close friends he discussed his use with, which he was hiding from me most of our time together). I do not know why he decided then to IV after being clean for at least a week.
He still had meds that the hospital gave him in his system; until those were completely out of his bloodstream they couldn't legally declare him dead & proceed with organ transfer. Because of his barely functioning heart and his poor gas exchange, he was clearing drugs very slowly from his body, delaying the organ transfer, though that went fine.
Ryan was officially pronounced dead almost 60hrs after the initial amf injection (from cardiac arrest, due to removal of the ventilator). I later received letters from 1 kidney recipient & the liver recipient. All 3 organ recipients tolerated the transplants well & are still living AFAIK now, almost 12yrs later. But I have never found another husband, and his father & I still miss him desperately, along with his numerous friends despite his extreme introversion. 1 hasty decision ended his precious life within minutes.
I showered after a dinner out with our mutual friend; when I got out, I found my husband Ryan lying unconscious on the ground, cyanotic (totally blue in lips and fingernails), unresponsive, barely a pulse, barely or possibly not at all breathing. Later I found an uncapped syringe, a length of rubber tubing, and an empty, unlabeled vial which I believe contained alpha methyl fentanyl. I never heard back from the drs who were supposed to test the empty syringe & autopsy did not reveal anything but tramadol in his system. In anger, I flushed all the amf & fentanyl down the toilet but it was definitely one or the other that he IVed. Lab made, purified to medical grade.
I called 911, at 3:24 am. I had to drag his body several feet because he had collapsed in front of the entrance to our apartment. I do not know CPR and my attempts did not have much effect (neither did the paramedics', when they arrived). He had a heart attack in the ambulance. His lungs completely failed; he was on a ventilator but still not getting enough oxygen into his bloodstream for 36-48hrs as he continued to worsen in numerous ways. His heart had sustainted considerable damage; his blood pressure was initially very low (80/60) and his heart rate too high (up to 150bpm). He aspirated (vomit got into his lungs) and as a result he developed pneumonia as evidenced by his high fever (over 104F at one point).
48hrs later he was found to be completely brain dead, w/ zero brain activity. No responses or reflexes whatsoever. He had bleeding in his subarachnoid space and severe brain swelling as a result -- I saw the scans myself. He was simply oxygen deprived for too long, possibly up to as many as 30min. Even if he had somehow miraculously escaped brain damage, he would have needed lung and heart transplants due to the extensive damage sustained to these organs.
He was still on the ventilator at this point, but only until he could be transported to a hospital for organ donation. The one silver lining is that his liver was in good condition and both kidneys in excellent condition and they saved 3 people's lives. Unfortunately he won't be able to donate tissue (non-organs) because of his drug (ab)use, despite never having a blood infection or abcess or even having used needles much at all & certainly never injected pills; no diseases, and they wasted the rest of that healthy tissue purely bc I was completely honest with his drs.
In the prior 6 weeks Ryan had undergone withdrawal twice, first from fentanyl, then more recently from amf. I learned that he had IVed fentanyl at least once (the first I have ever heard of him IVing) during his addiction to it. The amf withdrawal was extremely intense and he took some naltrexone for it which made it all the worse. To my knowledge and based on his mood, he had not used for a week before his OD (confirmed by close friends he discussed his use with, which he was hiding from me most of our time together). I do not know why he decided then to IV after being clean for at least a week.
He still had meds that the hospital gave him in his system; until those were completely out of his bloodstream they couldn't legally declare him dead & proceed with organ transfer. Because of his barely functioning heart and his poor gas exchange, he was clearing drugs very slowly from his body, delaying the organ transfer, though that went fine.
Ryan was officially pronounced dead almost 60hrs after the initial amf injection (from cardiac arrest, due to removal of the ventilator). I later received letters from 1 kidney recipient & the liver recipient. All 3 organ recipients tolerated the transplants well & are still living AFAIK now, almost 12yrs later. But I have never found another husband, and his father & I still miss him desperately, along with his numerous friends despite his extreme introversion. 1 hasty decision ended his precious life within minutes.
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