• Bluelight
    Shrine




    A memorial
    to Bluelighters
    who have passed away

❤️ RIP Jekyl Anhydride ❤️

JA had a profound impact on Bluelight, through his modding but more importantly, through his presence as a human and a poster of the highest caliber. This is really a huge loss both personally (very most so), but also professionally. I am gutted by this. What a terrible shame. It reminds me of when psood0nym passed, for the same reason. What a terrible tragedy. It was too soon by far, he had so much to give, and wanted to give. I regret that we never connected on a more personal level, you seemed like you belonged to the top tier of cool, woke ass people. The world surely misses your presence and insight.

Too many BLers dying from this shit. For no good reason. It's so fucked up. What a terrible loss. And so senseless. :|

JA, your absence will be felt keenly, and BL is less without you. ❤
 
Various members paraphrased and summarized said:
I'm heartbroken. I tried to help IRL as well after we became friends. I'm so upset I couldnt help him.
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I don't know if you knew him, but that's how I felt with morninglogyryseed. I was in a unique position to help him, and I tried, over a year ago. Man, you can't blame yourself. We are all responsible for our decisions.

But I get it, man. MGS messaged me the night before he left us and I ignored it with the intention to reply later when I felt better about doing so. Little did I know that it would be the last reaching out of your life. The same with my sista-from-another-mista Love*Lite, she called me shortly before she died, and I couldn't handle it and ignored it. And then she was gone. One of my closest friends in the world, my family. What if, man? What if?? I will never know. But I can't blame myself because I tried, and I didn't make the choices that led to this result. I have realized I can't blame myself. I met her spirit on a MPT trip. She forgives me, she exists in love. JA wouldn't have blamed any of us. Sometimes terrible things happen, and that's why life can be fucked up. But it's also beautiful and wonderful, too, never forget. JA, you beautiful guy, I'm sorry, so sorry. You are and were beautiful, and I love you and there are no more words.. Rock on, dude. I wish I could have known you better. And for those suffering, left in the wake... please know that he was an amazing guy who had a positive impact on many people. His life meant more than most peoples' ever do. He cared, he was loved, and he loved. He cared very much about the HR community. Please take solace in that, it's all you can do.

Over the years since 2006 I have seen so many BLers pass, a handful of them very close to me. It's the one horrible part of being part of this community. Some of you are pretty new and maybe didn't realize that, and are learning about it now. It doesn't get easier but I'll tell you, every single day I'm grateful to be in a community with such lovely and wonderful people... all of you. We can be here for each other. It's all we can do, but it's powerful. It will happen again, It's heart-breaking but it contains lessons as well.



RIP Jekyl Anhydride, you beautiful soul. I hardly knew you, but what I dd know, will always enrich my life. For those that knew you, my heart goes out to you. My PM box is always open, I have lost a great many over the years and if you need to talk to someone, I would love to talk with you.



It's good tears. :) Feeling is essential and part of being alive. I love you all and I'm so happy we still have a unique and amazing community after all these years. Even if that community has been wounded over and over. ❤

Thought it fitting to post my eulogy in here, too.
 
Bye Chris. It has been more than just a pleasure to get to know you. You have contributed more to this community than you would've ever known or believed. Your words have helped thousands. It will be quite lonely around here without you. I told KK because he hadn't heard. I'm sure he will post later but he will miss you as well. I'll see you at St. Peter's Pearly Gates..

Rest easy friend,
Mr. Deeds
 
I'm really gonna miss my friend and ally here. I was in the middle of responding to about 10 PMs with Chris on various topics and subjects from mundane to deeper. They were all in various stages of half-completion and as usual I'd intended to randomly shoot off replies as I remembered or deadlines crunched or my own various calamities and gyrations from drug bingeing, recovery, depression, amnesia, confusion and forgetfulness crashed and receded like waves on a shore.

We were always working on projects or ideas in OD/BDD, and were in the middle of doing a whole bunch of stuff to improve, fix, or enhance the site to help folks. It was a process that seemed comfortingly neverending and timeless, and one we'd pretty much been engaged in doing ever since I (seriously) twisted his arm into joining Other Drugs staff here in late 2017 - about the same time I joined senior staff. In many ways it felt like we'd opened the same page at the same time here, and were sharing this continuity of thought in what was what and what went on that was both comforting and grounding. Now it's broken, and it feels like some crutches have been kicked out.

I remember it actually took quite a bit of convincing to encourage Chris to step up. He was a pretty humble guy and never one to preen about how smart or capable he was. Actually I don't think he really ever felt that confident in his own ability, tbh, even after years of me telling him he was doing a great job and more than living up to (my) hype about him. I think he also felt concerned I'd think less of him for seeking approval of his decisions on occasion. But I could totally sympathise with that - I think lots of us, especially the more perceptive, empathetic and intelligent folks, suffer from insecurities related to low self-esteem and some variant of imposter syndrome. Yet at the same time I felt sad he couldn't really see what others could see. I think most everyone else was palpably aware just how intelligent and capable he was, and how generously he gave of his time to help others and to befriend and make them feel comfortable and welcome. Chris was at the heart of several little communities on BL and I think he was like this glue that helped hold them all together. So his loss is a big one for BL, even to those not even really aware of him or the more subtle roles he played here.
 
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RIP Chris, you were great, an inspiration to me and a source of knowledge.

I am going to try to continue on in his honor though may need a day or two to process this
 
When I was a mod, we had many great discussions, he helped me a lot. Damn I'm gonna miss him, this is a huge loss. Part of me wonders what dose of oxy could take this wonderful man but in the end it doesn't fucking matter

A friend and great mod is gone... FTW
 
morpheuspapaverus said:
Details about the dose I mean, he was auch a smart dude, were the oxies fent pressed? Or his dose too big? This is horrible....
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Oxy 30s sound pretty heavy. If they were combined with benzos or alcohol at all, it's extremely life-threatening. I guess enough Oxy 30s on their own could be enough for us to lose such a wonderful person.

I give my condolences to his sister Anne who posted here and his entire family. I can't imagine what they're going through.
 
Oh....this hurts.

I’m so sad to hear this news.
I know everyone here is very, very sad to hear this news.

I send my love, prayers, and condolences to his family and friends.
Group hug.

RIP brother!
❤️
 
I suggest BL go black in honor of Chris. That’s just a thought, and opinion of
Mine that will likely get passed on. Just throwing it out there
 
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