Cocaine Cocaine | Exhaustion / Addiction

[brave8855]

I am looking for some reflection from other folks about how to address an emerging cocaine addiction. It's been about 2.5 years now of on-again, off-again binges, usually spread out by 30+ days. I'd estimate about 10 binges per year. Some binges last as long as 7 days. Once I'm 5+ days away from my last binge, I don't crave it anymore - smooth sailing. But those 5 days are *rough*. And then a fun social event comes up, I buy some, and am totally unable to stop myself until it's all gone. Compulsive redosing all day. Feels out of body.

The inability to stop is due to a couple things: (1) if I'm anywhere near it, or it's accessible, I get very strong anxiety until I do it; (2) I feel so exhausted the next day after using it (and have so many real life responsibilities I need to deal with), that I'm compelled to just do a little more, which inevitability turns into a binge.

It seems to me the only moment I have to break out of the cycle is at the moment I decide to buy. That works okay -- I can usually resist for quite a while. But I think I might have another opportunity if I didn't feel so fucking exhausted after using. If I could step into my life a little more normally, I might be able to move on.

My question is two-fold then:
(1) Any advice on how not to feel absolutely exhausted after using for a day or two? If I could just be a reasonably normal person on the third day, I think I might be able to stop
(2) Any advice - short of rehab - on how to kick this? The thought of coming clean with my family is unbearable.

Thanks everyone so much for the kindness of reading this.

EDIT: In case it didn't come through in the earlier post, I'm really terrified about all of this. I'm a father, a husband and have so much to lose if I can't get under control.

 

[not2quick]

So basically you are partying on coke about once a month. During that period you will use for about a week at a time?

Does your significant other partake? If so be open with them. It will be easier if you both slow down. How old are your kids? If they are 10+ believe me they will notice strange behaviors. They are smarter than you think. Keep that in mind. How much are you getting at a time? Cut it in half as long as you can resist to buy more.

Two more bits of advice. Never smoke it or shoot up. That will change everything for the worse.

 

[brave8855]

So basically you are partying on coke about once a month. During that period you will use for about a week at a time?

Does your significant other partake? If so be open with them. It will be easier if you both slow down. How old are your kids? If they are 10+ believe me they will notice strange behaviors. They are smarter than you think. Keep that in mind. How much are you getting at a time? Cut it in half as long as you can resist to buy more.

Two more bits of advice. Never smoke it or shoot up. That will change everything for the worse.

Thank you so much for the reply. Yes, I'd say 1x per month or maybe 6 weeks. Then a 5-7 day binge.

My significant is OK with it for party nights, but if she knew what I was doing she would be really upset. Ive been hiding it (tho she's so smart she probably has picked it up).

Kids aren't 10 yet but I totally agree they'll pick it up by then, or sooner.

I tend to buy 3.5 or 7g at a time. I have tried to hide it from myself every which way (including finding myself drilling into my little time safe lol). Best thing I ever did was throw leftovers out the window of my car, but I find it hard to do that now.

I definitely think I can avoid smoking or shooting. I just wish I could stop myself after 1 or 2 nights and not feel so exhausted for the next few days.

Again, thanks for taking the time to write back.

 

[nato23]

My coke use is starting to get out of hand now’s I can’t go 2 days without it and it fucking annoying asf!

Low dopamine is my theory for my self. I have anhedonia, depressed, addicted to benzos - and been kicked out my family home with my ex and daughter so living with my mother atm.

I don’t work. I’m 35 and worked from the ages 18 to 32. I’ve been made redundant literally 6 times. set back after set back fuck my confidence and and break down, so now- I’m on PIP ( there’s a few other things wrong with me but I’ll not share that)
Im bored shit less so because of my Low Dopamine - i crave a dopamine releasing substance.
I’ve bought some L- tyrosine, it’s so cheap but have raised dopamine and I got some shilajit,
A) You’ve advised your body for 3 day or so… it’s going to have that sort of reaction.
B) I totally feel you on this question, when i can get a gram from telegram for £70 and its here the next day!!
What I’ve done is write down - like make it a personal goal to see if you can do a week, then 2 weeks etc. Like I mentioned earlier starting taking L-tyrosine and got to but BPC-150 peptide and see if there’s that directly target dopamine.
The gym; lifting heavy weights, I have to get my arsed there to start with ffs!!

The money I’ve spent on this shit - I could have had a lambo
I’m going to do some research on what peptides are good for helping your dopamine receptor repair, BPC-157 Is a must.

Good look brother - it’s fucking hard, but other have done it so it’s not impossible.

 

[brave8855]

Thank you so much for

My coke use is starting to get out of hand now’s I can’t go 2 days without it and it fucking annoying asf!

Low dopamine is my theory for my self. I have anhedonia, depressed, addicted to benzos - and been kicked out my family home with my ex and daughter so living with my mother atm.

I don’t work. I’m 35 and worked from the ages 18 to 32. I’ve been made redundant literally 6 times. set back after set back fuck my confidence and and break down, so now- I’m on PIP ( there’s a few other things wrong with me but I’ll not share that)
Im bored shit less so because of my Low Dopamine - i crave a dopamine releasing substance.
I’ve bought some L- tyrosine, it’s so cheap but have raised dopamine and I got some shilajit,
A) You’ve advised your body for 3 day or so… it’s going to have that sort of reaction.
B) I totally feel you on this question, when i can get a gram from telegram for £70 and its here the next day!!
What I’ve done is write down - like make it a personal goal to see if you can do a week, then 2 weeks etc. Like I mentioned earlier starting taking L-tyrosine and got to but BPC-150 peptide and see if there’s that directly target dopamine.
The gym; lifting heavy weights, I have to get my arsed there to start with ffs!!

The money I’ve spent on this shit - I could have had a lambo
I’m going to do some research on what peptides are good for helping your dopamine receptor repair, BPC-157 Is a must.

Good look brother - it’s fucking hard, but other have done it so it’s not impossible.

Thank you so much for that reply. Means a lot. All that tracks for sure. If you find that the L-Tyrosine or BPC-150 works for you, please let me know. Desperate to find something to help me get off the carousel.

Much love.

 

[nato23]

Thank you so much for

Thank you so much for that reply. Means a lot. All that tracks for sure. If you find that the L-Tyrosine or BPC-150 works for you, please let me know. Desperate to find something to help me get off the carousel.

Much love.

Exercise is supposed to be the best but
low dopamine > anhendonia > can’t be arsed to do fuck… but I could sniff some come.
Fuck sake haha

Same mate - hate/love the white powder.

If I find “cure” for it - ill try and remember to let you know - if i don’t remember, im sure I’ll post about it!

 

[not2quick]

Thank you so much for the reply. Yes, I'd say 1x per month or maybe 6 weeks. Then a 5-7 day binge.

My significant is OK with it for party nights, but if she knew what I was doing she would be really upset. Ive been hiding it (tho she's so smart she probably has picked it up).

Kids aren't 10 yet but I totally agree they'll pick it up by then, or sooner.

I tend to buy 3.5 or 7g at a time. I have tried to hide it from myself every which way (including finding myself drilling into my little time safe lol). Best thing I ever did was throw leftovers out the window of my car, but I find it hard to do that now.

I definitely think I can avoid smoking or shooting. I just wish I could stop myself after 1 or 2 nights and not feel so exhausted for the next few days.

Again, thanks for taking the time to write back.

You could have your significant other hold it. Be honest with her on what you are buying for the session. So if you buy a ball, let her know and when you guys are done with your session, let her hold it. Tell her to hide it because you dont trust yourself to not dip into it.

You can also Switch to buying a teener only. It will last you for the initial time you planned on using. You are using more than you want, because you have it. You were not planning on using 5+ days right? So only buy an amount you are planning to finish.

I had the same problem. I bought more than what I could use in a session. Then I dipped in and got strung out. It's easy to do. You got this.

 

[not2quick]

Also, if she parties with you, she knows your dipping into it. She's just not saying anything because its not causing problems.....yet.

 

[Curt Mandible]

The exhaustion is part of the comedown, it's your brain trying to rebalance. Pushing through those days without using again is the hard part, but that's the window where the cycle either breaks or continues.

 

[ageingpartyfiend]

@brave8855

You're already addicted mate, it will only get worse from here.

Once you're past a certain point there's no stopping or controlling it when it's easily at hand. You're past that point.

I've seen this dozens/hundreds of times. The only way you're gonna get it 'under control' is to fully quit asap. Otherwise it will get worse 100%

Also, the easiest and by far the best time to quit is right now. Immediately.

Sounds like you have a lot to lose, but lose it you will if you continue

 

[IronBaphomet]

Can't really help with question 1 as I would always feel destroyed the days after binges. I'd suggest try to do the opposite of what I was doing though - eat at normal meal hours and don't starve yourself + go to sleep when it's time.

Solution for question 2 is to have someone hold it for you, as it's been suggested by someone else. A trustable friend who's not a user maybe? I once had my best friend hold some oxys for me and once I asked for them back he had eaten all of them lol . An other option is to put it somewhere outside of your house where it's a total pain in the ass to retrieve them.

If I was you I'd try to severely reduce the intake gradually. I don't think it's realistic to stop everything at once with the current habit you have but that would be the absolute optimal option. Have any access to a therapist? Talking about it and coming clean to someone will at least put you in the right direction I believe.