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ARTICLE: 'The art of punishment and shame'

(Wordy)

(Wordy)

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Welcome to the community discussion thread for the article 'The art of punishment and shame' by Edward Hazel, also known as M!$TER-ED.

Ed's article was inspired by streaM Freak's recent article on shame, as well as the Bluelight recovery support forums.

Feel free to post your thoughts about the article, and/or any questions you might have.

Here in the Bluelight Article Discussion forum, we also invite article authors to respond to the discussion if they wish.

Constructive criticism and civil debate are welcome; however, abusive comments will not be tolerated. The Bluelight User Agreement (BLUA) applies, as it does across our site. :)
 
@M!$TER-ED I read it. Really reminds me of how traumatic events, like what happened to you at 15, are pivotal moments, that change how we are so deeply. And yet many decades later you are able to reflect on it, and recast it - perhaps it was your father's shame that burst out in that moment, and ended up being directed at you. Often people's behaviour is more about the person doing the behaviour than it is about the person on the receiving end, right?

Shame is - in my opinion- very destructive. If we can shine a brighter light on the things that are often pushed into the darkness due to shame, then as the light shines on, the shame (and the power of these shameful hidden things) gets less and less, until one day, the shame may just not be there anymore. Radical honesty, at least between trusted individuals in a relationship for example, is what I prefer - to really allow yourself, your whole self, to be vulnerable and to be seen. And to radically trust the other person to love you unconditionally. I know that's not something everyone has access to, but to practice giving and receiving that radical acceptance is truly a gift, in my view.

Thanks for sharing!
 
Tronica said:
@M!$TER-ED I read it. Really reminds me of how traumatic events, like what happened to you at 15, are pivotal moments, that change how we are so deeply. And yet many decades later you are able to reflect on it, and recast it - perhaps it was your father's shame that burst out in that moment, and ended up being directed at you. Often people's behaviour is more about the person doing the behaviour than it is about the person on the receiving end, right?

Shame is - in my opinion- very destructive. If we can shine a brighter light on the things that are often pushed into the darkness due to shame, then as the light shines on, the shame (and the power of these shameful hidden things) gets less and less, until one day, the shame may just not be there anymore. Radical honesty, at least between trusted individuals in a relationship for example, is what I prefer - to really allow yourself, your whole self, to be vulnerable and to be seen. And to radically trust the other person to love you unconditionally. I know that's not something everyone has access to, but to practice giving and receiving that radical acceptance is truly a gift, in my view.

Thanks for sharing!
Click to expand...
Thank you. It takes a long time to fully accept and love yourself, despite everything that life throws at you. It's not perfection; it is complete acceptance not only for yourself but also for everything. Love is the explanation I have.
 
Thank you for your intelligence and your honesty combined with your experience in presenting your article.

Great to read your ruminating voice always anytime. Thanks always. And my heart smiles with you !

@M!$TER-ED

💙☮️
 
Excellent piece @M!$TER-ED , I have grappled with a lot of shame in my life and It's continual process for me to work through it. This article was succinct and well written and helpful. Thank you for taking the time to write about your personal experience. I also agree with @Tronica in that your father may have been confronted with his own sense of internalized shame when he stumbled upon you and those magazines; sparking misdirected anger. It may have been a part of him that he himself loathed (right or wrong). Thanks for sharing.
 
We live in a shame society. It's a result of safetyism. Shame keeps things safer and the peasants crave safety, surveillance etc.
 
Shame is something we choose for ourselves, it is taught to us in many ways. What we do with it is within our control.
 
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