emkee, fantastic post. Felt like I was reading from a self-help book that I actually chose to read.
I'm curious about the part I quoted, though. I was following really well but I can't figure out what you meant by "if an important person acts unreasonable, you want to go in it"
I thought at first that meant you would want to confront the unreasonable behavior on the spot, but once you mentioned mirroring the behavior I started to doubt myself. Now I'm thinking there's either a typo or I'm really fucking up with my reading comprehension
Important, well that's easy explainable. When someone unimportant show's this kinda behaviour, or other unacceptable shit toward's you or other's. You can just ingnore it or find a snappy comeback (depends on the the situation), you don't want to get in a actual fight.
Giving an totally not-anticipated response, not only derail's the thing, you also not giving the person what he/ she want's.
Whatever its a nobody.
Family and friends are way closer, and will alway's be around. So need a psychologic approach that is effective. On the whole net only one site popped up on the issue of passive-agresion (an conduct disorder) and how to correctly respond.
Passive-aggression is one of many, I believe, and can leave you with complex-PTSD. But the conduct disorder's where taken out of the DSM?
Yes you should confront the behaviour on the spot (I called it mirroring). With his or her own unacceptable way of communication to you (and what he/ she say's/ shouts, mostly they blame the other). Btw this are not conflict's where both party's want a solution but are not on the same line. This is mental/ psychological abuse just as bad as physical. Which explained my fight and flight response, but I never went physical, jus reasoable (dumbass you should have run). As that is not acceptable, you ask polite as possible in these circumstances: I do want to talk about this with you, but in a civilized calm adult way. Without the kid's around. Not that they will do that I expect.
Then turn around and walk away, as its about saving yourself and minimizing trauma to kid's if they are witness to it.
No clue how people with Narsistic, Anti-Social or Psychopaths personality's would react, and if un-reasonable behaviour also comes forth from personality disorder's. They seem more dangerous to me and unpredictable.
Ps. Nearsighted, to lazy to get my glasses and being Dutch make up 60% of the writing/ grammer mistakes. The rest I blame on the drug's, obvious case of self induced brain damage (LOL)