mrs_mia_wallace
Bluelighter
My parents have been married for a long time…. they’ve known each other for more than thirty years. I assume that once they were in love, but I’ve never seen it. Things have been very rocky between them for a long time, but in the past year things have gone to an entirely new level. And I feel like I just can’t take it anymore.
Things began to get bad last December. My brother (he is quite a bit older than me) ODed on heroin and my parents got into a huge fight about it—my mother wanted to go, my father didn’t. She was extremely upset and ended up running off to Paris (she grew up there and most of her family is still there). It took over a month but they worked things out and she came home.
The second bomb dropped in February. My mother found out my father was sleeping with some girl TWO years old than me. She opened his credit card bill and found he had bought this girl a lot of things—expensive clothes, jewelry, a new car, furniture for her apartment,etc. Gross. I have to imagine this cannot be my father's first affair, but who knows. I can count the times I’ve seen my father shed tears on one hand, but when she confronted him and told him to move out, he broke down and begged her to forgive him. They talked for a long time and my mother said she would forgive him and they could try and mend the relationship.
Things settled down for about a month after that. My mom decided to throw a dinner party for my birthday-- it was going to be a big deal, even though it was like two weeks after my actual birthday (it was more for her than it was for me… she mostly invited their family friends). My dad was late.... like two hours late, and when he showed up he was drunk. I don't pretend to understand what he does but some deal fell through business wise and he went out drinking afterwards. My mom flew into a rage. She went into the kitchen and threw the dirty dishes, empty wine bottles, and cake she had baked at him, the wall, and out the window. I was mortified. She told him she hated him, he was a bastard, she had never forgiven him for anything, and she never wanted to see him again. My mom’s friend escorted everyone outside... thank god for her, I was frozen. They kept fighting and I went in the kitchen and tried to get them to stop, but they wouldn’t. At this point my mother was throwing eggs at my father…. he pushed her and she fell, then she kicked him and it got physical. I told them if they didn’t stop I was going to call the police, but it didn’t do anything. So I called 911 and told them there was a dispute and I was scared for their/my safety. My parents freaked out and my mom jumped in her car and drove off. The cops showed up but because she wasn’t there they couldn’t do anything. My father said everything was fine and I told them my mom had gotten upset and gone to get a hotel room. I assume they followed up with her and she said the same thing because no police report was filed.
I didn't hear from her for a week. Then she called me from Paris. She told me she left her car at a hotel (it got towed) and she wasn't coming back. She asked me to come live with her there and I told her I could not do that, which she KNOWS—she knows I can’t leave school and my life here to run off to Paris with her. It was a very strange conversation. I figured she would come back in a couple weeks.
It's been over four months now. I know she has had a difficult year, but I feel like I hardly know who she is anymore. She’s been very unhappy the past year and her moods have been very erratic. She's always been a social butterfly, but she became very depressed and didn’t want to see anybody except her best friend (and she didn’t even see her very often). That dinner party was the first big social event she had gone to in months, and even planning that was so bizarre. She decided the day after my birthday she wanted to do it…. it was weird. When she wasn’t she depressed, she switched to these really strange extremes-- violent, angry, furious over everything, and then really happy and energized... it was exhausting, and it hasn’t gotten any better. Everytime I speak to her she asks me to come live with her, and I tell her the same answer, and she gets angry and yells at me and tells me I’m a horrible daughter and she doesn’t understand why I don’t love her. She has no history of mood disorders or anything like this… and I know that she’s NOT on drugs. I don’t even know what she’s doing in Paris. She’s staying at a hotel and I’ve talked to the family she has there and they barely see her. I think about her all the time and miss her so much. And I’m so scared for her. For all the differences my mother and I have had, I love her to death and the thought of something happening to her devastates me. I am much closer to her than I am to my father—there are very few things she doesn’t know, and I always go to her when I’m upset or need advice.
My dad is falling apart back home. I relapsed in late January and I came clean to my dad at the end of March. I told him I was in trouble and needed his help. We met at 10 AM and he was wasted by the time I got to his office. It was alarming. My sober living finally figured it out and kicked me out two days later (it was really weird timing...). I really didn't want to go to another one, and when I got to my dad's house I saw what a mess it was. There was stuff everywhere; dishes, food, alcohol, it was a total mess. He doesn't know how to do ANYTHING. We have a pretty big house but my mother has always taken care of it and had a maid come once a week. My dad doesn't know the maid's name. She's cleaned our house since I was five. She called and left about twenty messages. He had no idea. I asked him why he didn’t find a new maid and he said he didn’t want anyone to clean but the “French maid” (she’s French, her name is Adèle). And this was after ONE MONTH. I stayed with him for a weekend and saw how helpless he is. He doesn’t know how to cook anything—he just orders out and puts the plates by the sink, he doesn’t even know how the dishwasher works. He's taken drinking to an extreme. He's drunk and in a horrible mood all the time, always angry about something or stressed about something else. I didn’t want to have to start over at a new sober living and seeing my father is this state is terrifying to me, so I moved back home (and have stayed sober somehow, alcohol not included). I can see how depressed and miserable he is—he just sits alone every night working in his office, drinking. He can’t go on much longer like this.
They both say they want to get divorced, but neither has contacted a lawyer or filed for divorce. I try not to think about them because when I do I feel like I’m either going to burst into tears or punch a wall. I miss my mom so much but am so angry with her at the same time. I’m furious that she’s left me all alone when I need her so much and that she’s run off like some child, avoiding everything instead of dealing with it. I’m furious at my father and my heart aches for him at the same time. I’m furious that he had an affair and that he isn’t trying to win her back, that he’s just drinking all day everyday and totally screwing up his life, leaving me to take care of him. My father is angry at her but I know he would take her back in a heart beat. And I honestly can’t imagine my mother on her own. I can’t imagine them apart… I mean, they’re my parents. But I would rather them be happy than miserable together.
If there is something wrong with my mother mentally, which I think there may be, she needs to come back to the US so that she can go to a doctor… but she won’t come home. And my father needs to get his shit together. The stress of dealing with the two of them is overwhelming and it’s affecting my sleep, my mood, my stress level… I’m distracted, worried all the time, and depressed. I’ve been doing this with them for a long time and I’m tired of being in the middle and feeling like the responsiblility falls on me because they’re too childish to deal with their relationship. I am so sick of my father blowing up and yelling at me because he’s really angry at my mom. I really don’t know what to do, and I feel like this cannot go on any longer.
Things began to get bad last December. My brother (he is quite a bit older than me) ODed on heroin and my parents got into a huge fight about it—my mother wanted to go, my father didn’t. She was extremely upset and ended up running off to Paris (she grew up there and most of her family is still there). It took over a month but they worked things out and she came home.
The second bomb dropped in February. My mother found out my father was sleeping with some girl TWO years old than me. She opened his credit card bill and found he had bought this girl a lot of things—expensive clothes, jewelry, a new car, furniture for her apartment,etc. Gross. I have to imagine this cannot be my father's first affair, but who knows. I can count the times I’ve seen my father shed tears on one hand, but when she confronted him and told him to move out, he broke down and begged her to forgive him. They talked for a long time and my mother said she would forgive him and they could try and mend the relationship.
Things settled down for about a month after that. My mom decided to throw a dinner party for my birthday-- it was going to be a big deal, even though it was like two weeks after my actual birthday (it was more for her than it was for me… she mostly invited their family friends). My dad was late.... like two hours late, and when he showed up he was drunk. I don't pretend to understand what he does but some deal fell through business wise and he went out drinking afterwards. My mom flew into a rage. She went into the kitchen and threw the dirty dishes, empty wine bottles, and cake she had baked at him, the wall, and out the window. I was mortified. She told him she hated him, he was a bastard, she had never forgiven him for anything, and she never wanted to see him again. My mom’s friend escorted everyone outside... thank god for her, I was frozen. They kept fighting and I went in the kitchen and tried to get them to stop, but they wouldn’t. At this point my mother was throwing eggs at my father…. he pushed her and she fell, then she kicked him and it got physical. I told them if they didn’t stop I was going to call the police, but it didn’t do anything. So I called 911 and told them there was a dispute and I was scared for their/my safety. My parents freaked out and my mom jumped in her car and drove off. The cops showed up but because she wasn’t there they couldn’t do anything. My father said everything was fine and I told them my mom had gotten upset and gone to get a hotel room. I assume they followed up with her and she said the same thing because no police report was filed.
I didn't hear from her for a week. Then she called me from Paris. She told me she left her car at a hotel (it got towed) and she wasn't coming back. She asked me to come live with her there and I told her I could not do that, which she KNOWS—she knows I can’t leave school and my life here to run off to Paris with her. It was a very strange conversation. I figured she would come back in a couple weeks.
It's been over four months now. I know she has had a difficult year, but I feel like I hardly know who she is anymore. She’s been very unhappy the past year and her moods have been very erratic. She's always been a social butterfly, but she became very depressed and didn’t want to see anybody except her best friend (and she didn’t even see her very often). That dinner party was the first big social event she had gone to in months, and even planning that was so bizarre. She decided the day after my birthday she wanted to do it…. it was weird. When she wasn’t she depressed, she switched to these really strange extremes-- violent, angry, furious over everything, and then really happy and energized... it was exhausting, and it hasn’t gotten any better. Everytime I speak to her she asks me to come live with her, and I tell her the same answer, and she gets angry and yells at me and tells me I’m a horrible daughter and she doesn’t understand why I don’t love her. She has no history of mood disorders or anything like this… and I know that she’s NOT on drugs. I don’t even know what she’s doing in Paris. She’s staying at a hotel and I’ve talked to the family she has there and they barely see her. I think about her all the time and miss her so much. And I’m so scared for her. For all the differences my mother and I have had, I love her to death and the thought of something happening to her devastates me. I am much closer to her than I am to my father—there are very few things she doesn’t know, and I always go to her when I’m upset or need advice.
My dad is falling apart back home. I relapsed in late January and I came clean to my dad at the end of March. I told him I was in trouble and needed his help. We met at 10 AM and he was wasted by the time I got to his office. It was alarming. My sober living finally figured it out and kicked me out two days later (it was really weird timing...). I really didn't want to go to another one, and when I got to my dad's house I saw what a mess it was. There was stuff everywhere; dishes, food, alcohol, it was a total mess. He doesn't know how to do ANYTHING. We have a pretty big house but my mother has always taken care of it and had a maid come once a week. My dad doesn't know the maid's name. She's cleaned our house since I was five. She called and left about twenty messages. He had no idea. I asked him why he didn’t find a new maid and he said he didn’t want anyone to clean but the “French maid” (she’s French, her name is Adèle). And this was after ONE MONTH. I stayed with him for a weekend and saw how helpless he is. He doesn’t know how to cook anything—he just orders out and puts the plates by the sink, he doesn’t even know how the dishwasher works. He's taken drinking to an extreme. He's drunk and in a horrible mood all the time, always angry about something or stressed about something else. I didn’t want to have to start over at a new sober living and seeing my father is this state is terrifying to me, so I moved back home (and have stayed sober somehow, alcohol not included). I can see how depressed and miserable he is—he just sits alone every night working in his office, drinking. He can’t go on much longer like this.
They both say they want to get divorced, but neither has contacted a lawyer or filed for divorce. I try not to think about them because when I do I feel like I’m either going to burst into tears or punch a wall. I miss my mom so much but am so angry with her at the same time. I’m furious that she’s left me all alone when I need her so much and that she’s run off like some child, avoiding everything instead of dealing with it. I’m furious at my father and my heart aches for him at the same time. I’m furious that he had an affair and that he isn’t trying to win her back, that he’s just drinking all day everyday and totally screwing up his life, leaving me to take care of him. My father is angry at her but I know he would take her back in a heart beat. And I honestly can’t imagine my mother on her own. I can’t imagine them apart… I mean, they’re my parents. But I would rather them be happy than miserable together.
If there is something wrong with my mother mentally, which I think there may be, she needs to come back to the US so that she can go to a doctor… but she won’t come home. And my father needs to get his shit together. The stress of dealing with the two of them is overwhelming and it’s affecting my sleep, my mood, my stress level… I’m distracted, worried all the time, and depressed. I’ve been doing this with them for a long time and I’m tired of being in the middle and feeling like the responsiblility falls on me because they’re too childish to deal with their relationship. I am so sick of my father blowing up and yelling at me because he’s really angry at my mom. I really don’t know what to do, and I feel like this cannot go on any longer.
I feel like I can't talk about this anywhere else. I'm so embarassed I don't want anyone to know how things are.... it just sucks.
