I'm a boring person without drugs

[It's a baby!]

So I was forced to quit smoking weed due to getting arrested etc. I decided to take this as an opportunity to force myself to do what I'd wanted to do for years. I'd been smoking pot pretty much multiple times a day every day since I was 14.

It's been close to a month now. At first I started drinking a lot to compensate but now I realize that's obviously counter-productive. I'm now going to try to stay 100% sober for a stretch of time, not even beer on the weekends.

And I'm fucking hating it. I keep telling myself my brain will slowly but surely adjust to this state and everything will be back to normal but it's just not happening.

Without some sort of chemical to stimulate my brain I have found I am an extremely boring person. I feel like I have no thoughts. I can't make decent conversation anymore because I can't think of anything to say. The other day I had a brief "relapse" and smoked some pot (I'd just had a drug-test and knew I would be able to pass the next one after one use etc.), and it was like being back to normal. I had such a great night and talked to my friends like I haven't been able to since I quit. But now it's back to sobriety and back to feeling completely stupid and insipid.

What can I do? I am extremely boring without drugs and it's bothering me a lot. I got way too dependent on using substances to get my gears flowing. I'm not a stupid guy, I have a good GPA in a difficult major etc., but without being high on something I just can't think. My brain feels empty of all thoughts. This post sounds retarded because of how retarded I feel. I thought drugs were supposed to cloud your thinking and sobriety was supposed to clear my psyche but it feels like just the opposite.

 

[Snarky91]

You don't say how old you are now... but based on the context it seems like you've been a chronic, heavy smoker for at least several years.

One month of sobriety? Let's say you smoked for five years; you smoked for 120 consecutive months, and one month represents less than 1% of the time you've spent recently being sober compared to not being sober. Give it more time sober and find some hobbies to occupy your spare time.

 

[It's a baby!]

I'm almost 20 now so I was a chronic heavy smoker for about 6 years (i.e. virtually never sober, I've generally had good connections and been able to afford gluttonous levels of smoking, sometimes I would sit down and smoke an eighth in one sitting bowl after bowl just because I could).

What's worrying me is that I do have hobbies and activities I just can't think straight anyway.

Eh we all know the answer to this, I need more time, I don't even know why I started this stupid thread. I just need to be patient with myself and keep being sober. The temptation to go out and buy some beer so I at least have SOME buzz is quite overwhelming at times. I know this is all in my head, though I must say quitting pot and beer is causing me more trouble than I had with cigarettes or opiates, I guess because I never really liked cigarettes or opiates all THAT much while the euphoria I get from pot is indescribable.

 

[severely etarded]

So why do we all crave altered consciousness so badly?

I know this response was not helpful but I would also like to know why we all feel the need to catch a little buzz from time to time at the very least...

It's a genuine question I discerned from reading the last post though.

If we get an answer to it we might be closer to answering your question.

I must say quitting pot and beer is causing me more trouble than I had with cigarettes or opiates, I guess because I never really liked cigarettes or opiates all THAT much while the euphoria I get from pot is indescribable.

I also get a good euphoria for weed. when I was on probation was the only reason I didn't smoke. when that was over :D

 

[Snarky91]

And how was life before you started smoking? You got by, no?

What do you mean when you say you can't think straight? Maybe you're bored and find regular life tedious. There's no cure for that, short of a higher purpose.
In general symptoms improve as time goes on -- though you should have noticed much of this by now -- but at the end of the day, you shouldn't view this as an all or nothing proposition. There's a gray area where you might set aside a session every once in a while to 'reward' progress in your mind.

 

[It's a baby!]

So why do we all crave altered consciousness so badly?

I know this response was not helpful but I would also like to know why we all feel the need to catch a little buzz from time to time at the very least...

It's a genuine question I discerned from reading the last post though.

If we get an answer to it we might be closer to answering your question.

I also get a good euphoria for weed. when I was on probation was the only reason I didn't smoke. when that was over :D

Maybe it has something to do with starting early? The brain is very plastic when you're 14, so maybe abusing substances heavily at such a young age accustomed us to being intoxicated. Or maybe some other feature of ourselves caused us to start abusing substances heavily at a young age. It's hard to say, it's hard to remember what my thought processes were like then because I was so damn baked all the time.

 

[Dave]

That's probably part of the equation, sure. I'd say that it's probably just that you're used to being high all the time. Like snarky said: give it some time. Also: find something creative to occupy your time. Whether it's music, writing, crafts, art, whatever, it's a lot harder to be boring/bored when you've got skills and passions in life.

 

[HeWhoHowls]

I can't help but notice an underlying pessimism that is causing your to drag through the sand...
Thinking "Oh, this sucks." is adding heavy weight and emotional burden to you on an already demanding task/journey.
Lighten your load
aka
Lighten your outlook of it all
Often, it is the dream of the future that provides us with our primary (if not only) source of motivation for a task.
Your looking back; looking back with your arms stretched towards the familiarity of how things once were.
You feel like a fish outta water.
Learn to breathe...

 

[Bojangles69]

I was always an exciting person on drugs but fact is I use to be more spontaneous off drugs. Not like trying to float my own boat here but I'm definitely one that likes to live life and have fun no matter where I am. I have to make the most out of every situation its just the type of person I am.

I have found however that drugs always make me more exciting *in the begining*. But once I'm on opiates specifically for long term, they rip every ounce of excitement and soul from my life. Like I think I was talking on here about how I had initially transfered from my DOC to sub I hooked up with 2 girls in the same week. Haven't had hooked up with a girl in a long time the entire time I was on pods. Then when I switched to sub, I overdid it at first, was high out of my mind for the first 2 weeks untill I lowered the dose.

But those first 2 weeks I was talking to EVERYONE, witty, joking, had a swagger and spirit about myself.

Fastforward a few months and after the opiate just continually bangs on your receptors, over and over day after day, trying to squeeze out every last endorphin... I become quite like a zombie. Quiet and careless. Don't get emotional over anything. I've noticed this same pattern any time I switch opiates to one I am not tolerant to. I go through that extreme confidence/mania phase the first few weeks/months. Then after the long term I burn out to a quiet, emotionless, unexciting person.

So the fact is drugs make me a boring fucking person.

I AM an exciting person. Drugs can make me more exciting if I'm just dabbling in them occassionally. But when I use everyday like I always have, its only a matter of time before that drug turns me into a boring fucking person. Like I am right now actually. See I know I can sneak some type of joke or interesting dialouge in here right now but I just don't care. Because I'm too fucking concerned about the fact that Im a drug addict rather than making jokes and making other people smile.... when I can't get my own g/damn life together why should I really care whether the people around me are smiling or not. =]