Brother in law recently discovered he has cancer.. doctors don't know how long he has

[Stay.Blazed.420]

I've known this guy since i was 12 (I'm 19 now) and we used to always wrestle and stuff when i was a kid and we've shared a lot of experiences and we've even traveled together.

6 weeks after his wedding the doctor tells him he needs and emergency colonoscopy on they discovered a large tumor.. He had surgery today and apparently the cancer has spread to his liver, lymph nodes and other organs and that it's stage 3 cancer.. Doctors estimate it started growing when he was 16 or 17.

He's only 23 and the doctors say they don't know how much time he has left.. How do I cope with this? Anyone?

I'm trying really hard to find opiates even though i know that isn't a good way to cope but i'm looking for anything. I'm about to take 3mg xanax hopefully that will help

 

[Legerity]

I can understand; it's not easy to hear that somebody close to you has cancer or any other sort disease. I wish him the best and that you are able to deal with whatever happens. Opiates or xanax will not make him better; they might potentially make you feel fine temporarily.

My mother had breast cancer which was dealt with but has recently undergone more tests because of symptoms that indicate that the cancer or something else may be present. There's no way to deal with these sort of things except accepting whatever happens. The other other alternative is to seek distractions that won't last. I can't decide what happens to my mother just like you can't decide what happens to your brother in law.

All the best whatever the outcome is

 

[herbavore]

Even though it is hard to do, try to stay present. You are probably feeling helpless, scared and even angry. Letting yourself feel those feelings when they come up will nudge you along the path of acceptance. When someone finds out that he or she is dying and then begins the process, so many of the people in their lives can't handle it and either focus on trying to avoid their own pain or, worse, avoid the dying person altogether. It is an incredibly powerful gift to be present with a person that is having to let go of life.
I am so sorry that this is happening to someone so young. And I am sorry for all of you that love him.

 

[jeckel]

Hey mate,

Damn that is shit, I mean no one wants to hear of anyone finding out that they have cancer, but for it to happen to someone so young and when they should be having the time of their life is just terrible.

I’m not sure where you are but in Australia there are hotlines and special free counseling services available for people that have relatives with these sorts of things. Maybe try to find one of them. It sounds like you are really struggling and to have an outsider to talk to sometimes can be the best help. Also they will be able to let you know and prescribe you with medication if required.
My thoughts are with you and your family. I hope things turn out well. Keep us updated.

If you ever want someone to talk to, feel free to PM me.

Good luck, and again, I’m praying for ya all.

 

[NINDY]

It is an incredibly powerful gift to be present with a person that is having to let go of life.
I am so sorry that this is happening to someone so young. And I am sorry for all of you that love him.

When I saw this post, I knew I had to find some words, then saw this and saw I didn't have to.

Herbavore, who I hope has this intuition through empathy rather than experience, has it entirely right. As hard as it may seem now to believe, this person has an incredible gift at the end of this period - whether it be survival against the odds or ultimately the ability to pass on having had the chance to come to terms with their world and share the love of their family and friends.

There is no good way to die, especially so much before their time but too many do not get the chance to see and feel the embrace of their world at the end.

I saw from a distance the extended family of my closest friend farewell a much loved family member, a young mother of three children under six, and they all have healed (I think) more completely because there was nothing left unsaid; the injustice of it all became a given and it simply was reduced to its most fundamental level; the love of a family for one of its own, given and received, with nothing left unsaid.

Good luck to you and your loved ones.

The journey will be tough but it will make you all stronger, however it ends. At times like this, I do wish I were religious but, if you are, may your belief system sustain you through the times ahead, bad and good. If you are not, open your heart and accept the strength of humans' capacity for love.

Good luck to you all.

 

[Z Y G G Y]

Opiates/benzos will only make you feel content with the situation and there is no reason to start accepting this, he's not dead yet. Use your anxiety/anger to his advantage. Research things that might help him with the chemo etc. There are people who survived stage 3 cancer you know. There is a program called Incurables (veria.com I think) and they have tons of info on adding alternative therapies to western therapies. Spend your free time cooking for him foods which are beneficial, taking him on walks, get money to take him to a chiropractor for acupuncture and massages and etc. There are tons of things you can do instead of sitting around and feeling sorry for yourself and him.

Melatonin showed some promise in cancer. Wheat grass showed benefit during taking bone marrow building drugs which are standard cancer therapy. Stuff like this.

Not that I myself wouldn't want to be out on opiates/benzos if someone close to me was sick. I totally understand.

 

[Stay.Blazed.420]

He moved away almost 2 years ago so i only see him 3-4 times a year now, lately he's been around more since he got married here in his hometown....... I wish i could go on a walk or even talk to him in person.

 

[herbavore]

Your heart is breaking for so many people--your brother-in-law, your sister, his siblings and parents. I hope you do find support for yourself. I am currently going to our local hospice for grief counseling and it is a life-saver for me. I also meet with a group of people that have lost children and I turn to BL as well.
Keep reaching out and take care.