I was sober for about year

[chief ten beers]

So....I got a dui about a year ago and felt it was time to look at my drinking problem and try and put it in perspective and put it in my past. But I also have depression which I've tried to ignore or rather not acknowledge....I think i basically drank and did drugs to obscure it and not fully feel it. Well after going a year or so with no booze I definitely felt it and it made me withdraw and go into hermit mode, so I stopped hanging out with many of the people i used to hang with. That got old and i picked up again and have kind of felt like it was like coming home again, but as I am married it has caused a lot of problems with me picking up again as she knows my history and knows it comes with problems. What i have come to realize is I got wired early in my development to use alcohol in order to socialize and without it I feel socially inadequate. This sucks, i feel kind of ruined that i need booze to be a fun and be a socially confident person. Anyone else kind of feel this way about themselves? That they wired themselves to equate socialization with alcohol and without it... it kind of lacks that spark?

 

[Legerity]

Yes I'm usually pretty quiet but alcohol or amphetamines always were have always been at least partly a way of feeling more outgoing and comfortable in social settings. But it's definitely not something permanently wired into you that you will always need substances to feel comfortable. For the period of time that I wasn't using any I was able to gradually feel more at ease around others. Never completely though. Even though I'll never be a huge social butterfly I can still notice a huge difference from let's say 10 years ago.

Sure there may be unpleasant consequences to your drinking. It's up to you if you're willing to deal with that or not.

 

[chief ten beers]

Yes I'm usually pretty quiet but alcohol or amphetamines always were have always been at least partly a way of feeling more outgoing and comfortable in social settings. But it's definitely not something permanently wired into you that you will always need substances to feel comfortable. For the period of time that I wasn't using any I was able to gradually feel more at ease around others. Never completely though. Even though I'll never be a huge social butterfly I can still notice a huge difference from let's say 10 years ago.

Sure there may be unpleasant consequences to your drinking. It's up to you if you're willing to deal with that or not.

But the problem is I feel more normal and confident with alcohol in my system, probably like normal people feel naturally. I'm also 43 not 23, so it's been going on a long time and the programming is not so easily reversed. I don't know anymore, the older one gets the more ones illusions about life gets dashed against the hard rocks of reality and it seems to me more comfortable to drink.

 

[OverDone]

When we use substances for such lengthy periods of times we forget the basics of life and living. We replace natural emotions, thoughts and behaviors with these strange, abnormal/unnatural ideas, attitudes and behaviors that become normal feeling and they become our go-to responses and catalysts to the world around us

Sometimes we just take the easier, softer way through sticking more substance in us. Its easier and more comfortable because we are so used to it. Suddenly removing that substance we're so familiar with is a huge change and its uncomfortable because its so different. Change is scary, weird feeling and just (by definition) different. After we decide to be done with it we need to re-learn all those things we knew way before our pleasure turned into a necessity and its overwhelming. It gets easier, though

Putting the substance down wasn't enough for me. I had to change everything I was so familiar with. The 'old me' and the me I was trying to become couldn't exist side-by-side.

Don't be disqualifying yourself from the chance to feel comfortable and confident without alcohol. Learned behaviors are learned through practice which involves consistent repetition. Yeah, its difficult at first (very difficult) but its the best option overall. Tolerance builds, money gets low and the glass gets dry. What then? Pretty much a continuous chasing of a false feeling that causes needless aggravation to those that care about us and ourselves.