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Suicide thread, for assitance and support for all things related to suicide

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^twenty years ago, hospitals were half the size, and patients had as much time as actually needed with a Doctor. a patient with an off EKG or heart-disturbances would be admitted into the Hospital for 24-36 hours, now, maybe 5 hours and only 20-30 minutes of that is spent with their actual Dr.

you most likely will be given the option to pay as little as $20 a month, or, continue with one hell of a head-ache brother-man,,, vomiting, chills and sweats, dizziness, amnesia, is a concussion, a decent one, and they can "relapse" on us after a length of time, i mean, do you drive?

have you seen any lights or black spots in your L or R peripherals? or above your eyes, like level with eye brows?
its just money, and you can pay off slowly, if something was wrong, it might get bumped up over 5k, that is really high, um, IME...hehe...ive gone over 5k, but at specialists with fancy lengthy blood DNA/Chromosome work blah blah.

American heath care is tricky if you are not familiar with its vast loopholes laying around...and to be familiar enough, is to be fried enough to have Medicaid or something and too poor to afford anything else.

if the do run an MRI or CT(are you sure about that price? seems the actual visit to the ED is usually the majority) and they do see something suspicious, they will want to do more, and start tacking it on with blood draws and injections, lab work, dye maybe, tubing, saline, drugs, piss pan, gripy socks and stuff, there is $3800-4200.

a visit to the ER in general is around $1200-$2200, with some sort of imaging and the works for an in and out. if you are there over night, you will be pushing $8k. if you take opioids, ask to have that checked out, a full spectrum opioid scan is around $1200..!


anyway...id go tomorrow SE.


<3
 
severely etarded said:
BTW n3o - I want to thank you and all TDS mods. You guys are fantastic, and some of the most caring individuals. Captain Heroin too, he's not a mod for TDS but he is for 3 other forums and posts almost as much as any other mod here I think. <3 you all
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Thanks man! You are a great friend to know. :)

I have been having a hard time too :| but I am trying to do my best.
 
I am having a really hard time lately, especially at night times I just begin to break down. I don't usually suffer from depression or anxiety but the I hate my life because of the circumstances I am in. Just being disabled, lonely and not having any friends is a real deal breaker for ones motivation to live.

It's not like I can go out an meet people either cause I'm limited greatly by my disability and to top it off I am a shy guy and not much of an extrovert or talkative.

The loneliness is dam hard. I feel damaged emotionally and physically and I know things will never get any better for me. Its complicated but one things for sure I just don't want to be here anymore, the only thing holding me back is my parents cause I live with them and they would be hurt if I ended it. They have no idea I am in so much pain and I can't tell them about being suicidal because it just feels shameful and weak to admit it.

Because I don't have the courage to hurt my family, sometimes I just take a high dose of my pain killers and then hope the adverse effect would just accidentally kill me and that way I wont feel so responsible or guilty for slipping up but I always end up recovering and now I am hooked on causing myself pain by everyday by making myself sick with adverse reactions. Its sorta like cutting I guess, I hate my self and my existence so much I just keep hurting myself as a substitute for not being able to have the courage to just suicide. I guess I am really messed up.
 
Altered Perception said:
The loneliness is dam hard. I feel damaged emotionally and physically and I know things will never get any better for me. Its complicated but one things for sure I just don't want to be here anymore, the only thing holding me back is my parents cause I live with them and they would be hurt if I ended it. They have no idea I am in so much pain and I can't tell them about being suicidal because it just feels shameful and weak to admit it.

Because I don't have the courage to hurt my family, sometimes I just take a high dose of my pain killers and then hope the adverse effect would just accidentally kill me and that way I wont feel so responsible or guilty for slipping up but I always end up recovering and now I am hooked on causing myself pain by everyday by making myself sick with adverse reactions. Its sorta like cutting I guess, I hate my self and my existence so much I just keep hurting myself as a substitute for not being able to have the courage to just suicide. I guess I am really messed up.
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You are not messed up, you are in deep pain. While it will be hard for your parents to know the extent of your emotional pain it is more harmful for all of you not to share it. There is nothing weak or selfish about feeling suicidal--it is a response to pain. But maybe by not sharing those thoughts with them you are not giving them the opportunity to offer you more support. Their pain, if they were to lose you, could not be measured, but even worse would be "having no idea" how badly you are really feeling.
Do you see a counselor? If not, could you?
 
any of my fellow blers im coming off suboxone now im finding myself using all kinds of drugs i mis my sub with any and every benzo ,soma,prometh..........the suboxone saved me but i feel like it might end me. ever since i stopped taking my sub i got real sad0 like i wanna die sad it suks im usally happy energetic person .I am just physically drained and mentally as well real sad i feel like a pussy but hey only reason im here is cause my 1 yr old daughter/.'peace out7 yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllll keeep ya heads up
 
Captain and herbavore, thanks for responding. I always feel awkward and indebted when people reach out to me because you guys don't even know me yet you are willing to offer me support. When I posted this I just put it out there to get things off my chest without expecting anyone to read or reply, but I appreciate how kind you guys really are and I wish I could return the gesture.

herbavore, I don't see a counselor and I really don't feel it would help to see one, I have too many physical things wrong with me that are just beyond cure or change.
 
Altered Perception said:
Quick question, If I tell a counselor about feeling suicidal will they take away my Temazepam and Oxycodone medication away from me?
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If they think you're a danger to yourself, I think they are obligated to have you committed. Maybe you can hint at it by calling it depression? Sometimes they can get a little 8o if they think you might hurt yourself.

Are you going to harm yourself, or you are just really down and feel like it? That's the distinction that's important.
 
Hey Altered Perception,

Haven't talked to you in a bit but did exchange a few PMs long ago after I read up on your situation and have chatted a few times when I saw you asking about dosing so we didn't have to go through the whole back story again. I know you don't have much faith in the system, but as usual I'm again going to advocate towards shrinks being trainined in handling emotional situations, so if you tell your doctor you are feeling suicidal and they take away your meds or have you committed, it may be the best thing for you. The only disclaimer to that is if you think removal of the meds will adversly effect your special physical situation, but in general I think that though your physical ailments are behind the comprehension of most, how you feel emotionally is within the bounds of medical science. Of course the brain dims the lines between physical and emotional and I could be off base, but it can't hurt to try. All I know is you have fought so hard and so long for one tiny mistake, and it really isn't fair.

Captain and herbavore, thanks for responding. I always feel awkward and indebted when people reach out to me because you guys don't even know me yet you are willing to offer me support. When I posted this I just put it out there to get things off my chest without expecting anyone to read or reply, but I appreciate how kind you guys really are and I wish I could return the gesture.
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You definitely deserve as much support as you need so take as much as we can give.
 
Hi amapola,

Yes I do recall having conversations with you although your memory seems better than mine on the details.

Your a logical guy and I have to admit moments ago before reading your comments I was re-evaluating my situation and I came to the exact same conclusion as you did in your comments about telling my doctor about how I feel and having my meds taken away. It took me a while to realize and accept the truth because up until now I was trying to protect myself from having my meds taken away from me to avoid myself pain but with how wreckless I am getting lately i guess for the sake of my family I should really go in and confess. Or maybe I can just try and change myself without intervention now that I don't have any alternatives and I realize what I have to do. I'll just sleep on it for now.

I am surprised you realized how long I have been fighting for my mistake and your insight and kind words really touched me. Thanks for your help and your willingness to offer me support.
 
euphoricc said:
any of my fellow blers im coming off suboxone now im finding myself using all kinds of drugs i mis my sub with any and every benzo ,soma,prometh..........the suboxone saved me but i feel like it might end me. ever since i stopped taking my sub i got real sad0 like i wanna die sad it suks im usally happy energetic person .I am just physically drained and mentally as well real sad i feel like a pussy but hey only reason im here is cause my 1 yr old daughter/.'peace out7 yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaallllllllll keeep ya heads up
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Hey man, you have to remember that it's pretty normal to have some depression after coming off opiates. It WILL pass though so hang in there, talk to someone you trust about how you're feeling because it really does help to talk about it <3 And ALWAYS remember your daughter!! She needs you man, you have to stick around for her :)
How are you feeling today euphoricc??
 
So after I moved, thoughts of suicide didn't haunt me for several weeks.
Now its the same shit different day, fighting to make ends meet and if it weren't for that, I might still be on the up and up.
Aside from that, chronic health problems continuing and the ongoing complication which also makes me crawl in my skin no matter what
I've thought since I was a kid that there are people who are born to face everything that is given to them and come out on top. But what about the others who fall and succumb to their demons? I think there are a few tortured souls who are born to ultimately die that way, and I have always wondered if I'm one of them.
As far as I can see, I will never have enough money in this lifetime to make my life worth living. To get to the point where I'm not crawling in my skin every moment of every day. I've fought. I've taken more than I ever thought I could bear. I'm stressed to the point of sickness. I drink. I drug. It never goes away. it won't go away without thousands of dollars. I've fucked myself up enough in my lifetime already that I can't erase most of it. I live with this. I can't fix it. I can't just 'accept' the shit I was born with, either. Some people can, and well fucking good for them. But I'm not like that. Understand it or not...oh well.

An oncoming car swerved into my lane today. I didn't flinch. In my head I willed it to please, just fucking keep coming and hit me head on. That way it would be them who swerved into my lane and hit me, and wouldn't look like a suicide on my part. Then the car veered back into its own lane.

Thoughts of suicide again haunt me most of the day. The only thing keeping me going is knowing that if I die before my mother and she found out, she'd fuck up everything I worked for. She'd ruin the way people thought of me when I'm dead. And I don't know if that's a risk worth taking.

It would figure that as soon as I post this, my cat (who never cuddles) comes over and plops down in my lap and gives me this look like he would cry if it were possible for a cat to cry, and curls up into an adorable ball of fur and goes to sleep.
 
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I am a generally happy person, but due to the way life is I have fallen into a negative "head space" that seems to be progressively amplifying itself. I have not ever nor am I now contemplating suicide, just throwing my two cents in because this thread caught my attention. Life is very very rough, for some more so than others, but I don't think it is truly a walk in the park for anyone as a whole. I think one thing that gets people by is how much positive they have to outweigh the negative. When I'm at work I look forward to clocking out so I can go home and chill and have fun, it gets me through my day. If I lived a seemingly endless cycle of a miserable job, and a miserable home life, with nothing but misery, I can imagine how suicide would truly feel like the only way out, especially the longer this is endured. Now here is where I hope I won't be accused of being judgmental. Non-suicidal people of course have an aversion to suicide because it really isn't the right thing to do (in most all instances I can contemplate), and in a way it is selfish because it disregards the pain and guilt you will pass on to others, because somebody WILL miss you terribly, and it will probably haunt them for the rest of their lives. Of course non-suicidal people can only relate to the pain to the extent that metaphorically they may know what a minor toothache feels like because they had one once, when you are living with a raw nerve exposed constantly, unrelenting. I believe that the pain a suicidal person is feeling quite naturally and understandably clouds their judgment. What I am trying to get to here is that the way you feel now contemplating suicide doesn't have to be the way you will feel for the rest of your life if you decide to keep living. If you stick with things and perservere, with good intentions, you can slowly fight your way out of the despair. When things get a little better because of changes you make, you can have a taste of why life is worth living, and pick up some momentum for an upswing, and be able to look back and say "wow, I'm glad I didn't end up doing it". When the rat race and dick-sizing and shit-talking and selfishness makes you sick, and the state of the world and the human condition repulses you, and everything seems redundant and worthless, maybe try focusing hard on one little thing that brings relief. A happy memory from simpler times, or something that made your day worthwhile, you could even start out with an act of charity. Do something for somebody...besides making you feel good, that will help you understand that you aren't just a cluster of cells, this world does need you to stay as long as you can. When you feel like a failure, know that we are all fuck ups, and even if you take 2 steps forward and one step back, you are still moving ahead. Or if it's one step forward and 2 back, remember that you are still taking that one step forward for a reason. It's not where you are at now, it's which way are you going, or truly want to go. To sum it up, you may be in a position where you can't imagine things going anywhere ever. You know death will come one way or another. You know this world is a shit-hole heading downhill. But that is why we need you to stick around. We need you to stick around long enough to know that though all these things are true, you aren't locked in permanently to the way you feel now. We need you to stick around so when you climb out of your hole (which you will), you can be around and have the understanding to help those of us who are just now falling into it. I don't even have to bring God into this (though I know in my heart that is the true solution to inner peace that the seeker will eventually find). I can leave it with this. You matter dearly to someone (quite likely way more people than you think), somebody is going to need you to be there for them someday. We are all in this together, and if I am strong today and can help someone who is weak, then they can have the strength to help me when I am down. There are diamonds in the rough in our life. find just one and you will hopefully get a good taste enough to keep up the treasure hunt. Please be strong, this world needs YOU.
 
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