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Losing interest after a break?

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vancbc

Bluelighter
Joined
Jul 19, 2003
Messages
1,237
Has anybody else completely lost interest in MDMA after a long break? I recently took a 9 month break after quite a few years of using E. I took the break because I had developed a massive tolerance and lost the magic. I was all enthused about trying E again, but to be honest the experience felt totally lame. My tolerance went away almost entirely. Two average pills got me so sky high that I could barely keep my balance, felt some nice euphoria, music sounded great and the touch sensations were awesome; but there was nothing special. To be honest, I took it with my partner at home and although we had a nice time, I just kind of wanted it to be over. All of the special feelings that used to feel so amazing just felt kind of lame after 9 months of sobriety, and I kind of had this startling revelation that I no longer needed E to experience life and that being high was more of a hindrance than a help. It was such a weird experience since I expected that it would be like the first time and I would be totally blown away. Always before even though I said I was done I had a feeling deep down inside that I'd do E again someday, but now that feeling is totally gone. Maybe that was the best kind of trip to have - a closing chapter on a special time in my life.

Anybody else have something similar happen?
 
yeah, there definitely comes a time when you question your habits,
especially mdma because i find it to be a selfish and guitly trip,
though it is beautiful, and i love it dearly,
im young so i have many a roll in my future,
fingers crossed :),
but i know there will come a time when i might never do it again,
saying your going to quit isn't really going to work out too well i don't thing,
what if 10 years from now, a very old friend brings a clean roll to your apartment.
just going to say o i quit?
keep your doors open,
just keep it for very special occasions,
 
After taking a break from the site, I found a little time to contribute.
I will keep this short.

Loss of nerve density in cortical regions is long-lasting or even permanent.
The recovery that DOES happen occurs over a very protracted period of time.
We are talking multiple years for heavy users - much more than 9 months.

Also, in animal models of acute MDMA injury - even after very long periods of recovery the animals exhibited a different response. The 'psycho-motor' effects were increased, which means they had more exaggerated movement. In human ex-users, a typical increase in cortisol is seen but NOT prolactin.
Prolactin is a marker of the euphoric response, and former users have shown decreased prolactin even after 2.5 years of abstinence...

So you felt wired, right?
But no euphoria...or not as much.

Your brain is being re-wired during your abstinence, and this rewiring occurs in a back to front manner.
That means that the serotonin axons are being reorganized, and the ones closest to your face are the last to resprout.
Make sense?
 
To the OP:

I wouldn't focus too much on neurological side of thing, IMHO life is much more than the sum of its parts. Perhaps you are just over the whole "MDMA" thing. One suggestion that I make is that you should try and do MDMA in a new environment (not a rave), that typically can bring back the 'magic' of MDMA.
 
OP, I can definitely relate. I consumed MDMA pretty regularly when I first 'discovered' it. Never longer than 4wks break for about 2yrs. Just like everything else, it started to lose its 'awesomeness' factor. After a 2mo break (I realize this isn't very long at all), I popped again. I found myself thinking about the trip a lot, probably more than I should have, when I should have just been enjoying myself. It definitely live up to my expectations. Thinking back on it, that was probably my problem- I expected it to be amazing, and had this high bar set for the trip. Don't over-analyze, and just go along with the ride. Let your surroundings entertain you and your partner, rather than depending on the MDMA to, if that makes sense.

+1 with levictus' advice, too. set & setting!
 
First Bad Comedown said:
After taking a break from the site, I found a little time to contribute.
I will keep this short.

Loss of nerve density in cortical regions is long-lasting or even permanent.
The recovery that DOES happen occurs over a very protracted period of time.
We are talking multiple years for heavy users - much more than 9 months.

Also, in animal models of acute MDMA injury - even after very long periods of recovery the animals exhibited a different response. The 'psycho-motor' effects were increased, which means they had more exaggerated movement. In human ex-users, a typical increase in cortisol is seen but NOT prolactin.
Prolactin is a marker of the euphoric response, and former users have shown decreased prolactin even after 2.5 years of abstinence...

So you felt wired, right?
But no euphoria...or not as much.

Your brain is being re-wired during your abstinence, and this rewiring occurs in a back to front manner.
That means that the serotonin axons are being reorganized, and the ones closest to your face are the last to resprout.
Make sense?
Click to expand...
He's not saying he didn't roll right. Didn't you read that he lost all his tolerance? He just had resolve, this is common with psychadelics that produce deep introspective thoughts
 
levictus said:
To the OP:

I wouldn't focus too much on neurological side of thing, IMHO life is much more than the sum of its parts. Perhaps you are just over the whole "MDMA" thing. One suggestion that I make is that you should try and do MDMA in a new environment (not a rave), that typically can bring back the 'magic' of MDMA.
Click to expand...
Just read this! So true! I have been rolling in events, to leave and arrive to my hotel room, to find the new, calm, relaxed setting has allowed me to relax and REALLY ROLL %)
 
severely etarded said:
Just read this! So true! I have been rolling in events, to leave and arrive to my hotel room, to find the new, calm, relaxed setting has allowed me to relax and REALLY ROLL %)
Click to expand...

I definately find the euphoric tunes, lazers, the lights, enhance my roll though, i still cant understand how someone can roll out of a rave in my eyes it would be really boring and not as enjoyable.

I got persuaded once by my friends to roll indoors and ill never do it again not a patch on rolling at a rave
 
darksidedsam said:
I definately find the euphoric tunes, lazers, the lights, enhance my roll though, i still cant understand how someone can roll out of a rave in my eyes it would be really boring and not as enjoyable.

I got persuaded once by my friends to roll indoors and ill never do it again not a patch on rolling at a rave
Click to expand...

You don't have to roll at home. I just feel that a new setting keeps things excited and helps get rid of that "been there, done that feeling". It also helps you keep your mind busy and distracts you from those annoying "Am I high enough? Where is the magic? Where is the empathy?" feelings.
 
I would say that this is a blessing in disguise. You have no interest to do it any more so you can focus on doing other things with your life now, perhaps bettering yourself and experiencing love and boundless compassion in more organic, wholesome ways.

I'm not saying I have a problem with MDMA or there is anything "bad" about it, merely that you could thin of this as a stepping stone and your unimpressive experience as you aptly put it, a closing chapter on what was a good time but realising that this is now a thing of the past and should be respectfully left there in the Good Memory Box.
When I realised I was losing the magic with certain substances, I desperately tried to cling onto it and still enjoy it, almost convincing myself that I still loved it and it was good for me.
But I can tell you I haven't been happier since admitting that it's a thing of the past, no longer for me and I can move onto finding love through meditation and things like that. You may find that too...

All the best.
 
i just like seeing other people gurning and rolling balls , it adds to my roll and a dark room full of people gurning away with eyes like dinner plates and the feeling of love all over the place.. its like one of the best feelings you can ever ask for

I cant honestly imagine rolling anywhere other than a rave, i dont enjoy rollercoasters/theme parks but if i did i can see potential there, but most of all, its not acceptable to use drugs other places
 
The best place to "roll" imo was either in the woods with a fire, plenty water, duvet's and sleeping bags, music and friends .

Or

In a cosy room or garden in someone's house, again, with blankets and duvets.
 
My personal view is that, like all drugs, the experience is mostly an illusion. It is the newness of the illusion that makes it so magical ,as you cannot see through it at that point. The empathy feels real, as does the energy, excitement and love for the world etc. But after a while you do start to see through it and start realising it's just your brain on drugs. You can enjoy it, but it's not a magical place you're sent to.

I think this happens especially quickly in a home situation with someone you know well because it's easy for your mind to compare reality (that it knows intimately) with the drug experience and so work out what the drug is doing to you to alter it. If you think someone took a photo of someone you'd met once but altered it very subtly, you'd not really know what was wrong. If they did the same thing with your partner, you'd spot it immediatey. I.e. your brain learns the drugs little tricks and sees through them.

This is what happened to all my old clubbing mates. We all went out weekly and had amazing times. Then the times got less amazing and we did more drugs. Then no matter what we did it wasn't the same. We were bored with it even whilst high as a kite. Then we went to staying in and dropping. Then coke turned up and everyone moved to that whilst still staying in. Now most of us don't do anything except every now and again. When we do it's mostly pretty good but not amazing.
 
im easily amused i guess lol.

Im happy enough just keep going out, but to be fair i aim to go out to a rave once a month, and i have a twice a month limit due to
a) Lack of funds
b) I like to keep everything in moderation if possible
 
Thanks for all the replies. Everybody has their own take on it, eh? Interesting reading.

I suppose like with most everything in life, there is a time and a place where it is special or has importance. At the time it can seem like the most important thing in the world, but later in life you return and your perspective has changed. I suppose any number of factors comes into play that vary from each individual to individual.

I especially liked two comments. One was about me having resolve and the other was about blessings in disguise. Both of those resonated with me.
 
Sorry I didn't read all of the replies so forgive me if this has already been said.

Prior to your break where / how did you use? If you were an avid 'raver' and then after your break took it in a home setting then Im not surprised you felt underwhelmed! Taking MDMA in a quiet/home setting isn't for everyone as they simply remember the previous times (raving / going crazy) and everything other feels shit! You have to look at the experience in a different way - you not taking it to simply knock out shapes all night and getting lost in the music but your using it to connect with your partner and enjoy openness and tactile sensations etc.

I have taken extended breaks from the drug but have always found the return to be a magical and almost explosive experience - I can recall an experience (after a long break) where my brain/soul was saying 'there you are, we've missed you'! Who that 'we' is still confuses me.
 
My MDMA use has been through phases. I've definitely felt like you did before. I look a really long break for a few years and had no desire to do it. Then, started getting back into it. It's a completely different experience now, and I really like it still. I do know what you are saying though.
 
attempt4 said:
I would say that this is a blessing in disguise. You have no interest to do it any more so you can focus on doing other things with your life now, perhaps bettering yourself and experiencing love and boundless compassion in more organic, wholesome ways.

I'm not saying I have a problem with MDMA or there is anything "bad" about it, merely that you could thin of this as a stepping stone and your unimpressive experience as you aptly put it, a closing chapter on what was a good time but realising that this is now a thing of the past and should be respectfully left there in the Good Memory Box.
When I realised I was losing the magic with certain substances, I desperately tried to cling onto it and still enjoy it, almost convincing myself that I still loved it and it was good for me.
But I can tell you I haven't been happier since admitting that it's a thing of the past, no longer for me and I can move onto finding love through meditation and things like that. You may find that too...

All the best.
Click to expand...

its hard to accept that you are over and ready to close one chapter of your life, its accepting that you are going old, but hell, its part of life, shit its happening to me... and I hope I will be able to do all that (love through meditaion and shit)...I am actually starting, thing is, I still love to get fucking high, I just hope I dont end up just switching drugs, as so many friends have, to more addictive drugs like coke, that shit has fucked up so many of my friends....
 
Its almost been 2 months since I stopped taking ecstasy (a crazy long time for me lol), but I still want to do it... Im just not willing to put anything that I dont KNOW is MDMA in my body anymore. Its not like I got horrible pipes or anything, Ive just fucked myself over enough already
 
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