Horrible recurring nightmares, black thoughts, dark visions....

[voxmystic]

I have a precious new baby boy, 2 mos old, and he's so tiny, he will fit into my pressure cooker, my big skillet, my big kettle....and I keep having awful visions and thoughs of dropping him, or even PUTTING him, into the hot pots and pans. Just looking at them makes my heart pound and makes me shudder and flinch. I wouldn't say the thoughts are obsessive, but they're frequent and VERY disturbing.

My first baby died of SIDS as an infant, and since then I have had some terrible nightmares about babies dying, about me killing them, or losing them somewhere. I know where the horrible thoughts stem from, but I don't know how to make them stop. I tprobably can't be done. Just needed to talk about it, and don't really know who to trust with shit that makes me sound like a completely mental serial killer type.

 

[-Kitten]

Its normal many mothers go through it including my own and my aunt... if it truly bothers you go see a shrink and talk about it.... other than that idk what to say bc im nto sure what to say.... just many people gothrough it.

 

[Mariposa]

Voxmystic - I am not a mother, so I cannot fully understand. I do, however, empathize to a degree. Whenever I hold a friend's child, one of my small cousins, or get in the car with one of my s/o's elementary-school age kids even to drive to the store... I think am I really responsible enough to hold this precious little life in my hands?

It is possible you're suffering from post-partum depression, which only a doctor can diagnose. Having a new baby involves so much change - hormones dropping from pregnancy, higher stress level, additional tasks in your daily routine, sleep interruptions... If you are concerned, please see a competent therapist or MD. You're far from a crazy serial killer! You're a loving mother who is going through a period of significant adjustment.

Do you have supportive family members and friends who can help relieve you, even if it's something as simple as sharing a dinner/movie/conversation/day at the spa, while someone you trust can care for your newborn for a few hours?

 

[Legerity]

It sounds like it might be helpful to talk and work through what happened with your previous baby. Thoughts are just thoughts; we don't always consciously choose them. So if you can find a therapist or friend to speak with I think that might help

 

[Captain.Heroin]

I have a precious new baby boy, 2 mos old, and he's so tiny, he will fit into my pressure cooker, my big skillet, my big kettle....and I keep having awful visions and thoughs of dropping him, or even PUTTING him, into the hot pots and pans. Just looking at them makes my heart pound and makes me shudder and flinch. I wouldn't say the thoughts are obsessive, but they're frequent and VERY disturbing.

My first baby died of SIDS as an infant, and since then I have had some terrible nightmares about babies dying, about me killing them, or losing them somewhere. I know where the horrible thoughts stem from, but I don't know how to make them stop. I tprobably can't be done. Just needed to talk about it, and don't really know who to trust with shit that makes me sound like a completely mental serial killer type.

I typically don't have this happen to me anymore but I will share what I have experienced.

If you are having these thoughts, and I am sure that you feel horrified, just try to calmly hit a mental pause button, and change what you are doing/thinking, and try to focus on something else. Focus on the taste of a beverage like milk, tea, etc or focus on listening to some calming classical music and try to envision pianos/violins being played.

The idea is you want to just emulsify your mind in something else, while just relaxing and focusing on feeling safe. Beds, sofas, chairs with a pillow/blanket, are all great places to refocus your mental energy.

What would I do? I'd look outside at the trees, and think about the ecosystem I live in.