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How to reach a badly fucked up friend?

suessmayr

suessmayr

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 30, 2008
Messages
1,067
Location
Sydney, Australia
I have a good friend whom I met at uni and for a long time got wasted with. We used to go doctor shopping and just get absolutely fucking shitfaced on temazepam/flunitrazepam/diazepam (and others) and oxycodone/morphine/codeine/tramadol.

For a while we were both on bupe. Then he cleaned up while I kept fucking my life up. We sort of drifted during this period. Now I'm clean and finally making progress whereas he's eating benzos and opiates again.

He's a psychology student here in Sydney but for the past several months has been in Perth (where pretty much everyone he knows is). He's just conning dumbass rural doctors and getting constantly wasted. I'm concerned that he's not going to finish his degree and is simply going to bomb out. He has massive issues, like I do, with depression and anxiety.

What should I do? He's highly intelligent and I feel like he's just throwing his life down the toilet. He has virtually no friends here in Sydney and I think that he's leaning towards simply continuing to get wasted in Perth.

(I feel I should add that whereas I'm only just 23 he's 27. So it feels like it's more pressing in his case to get his shit together.)
 
sounds like time to sit him down n have a one on one intervention - if others know and are worried for him - try to bring them in. Keep it judgemental free- jus the concern factor man, good luck.
 
The thing is that there are no "others". I'm the only person that he really knows here. I also think he may secretly resent the fact that I'm clean and studying whereas he's wasted and doing nothing. So I don't know how to raise it. He'll probably just be like "until recently you were the one who was wasted".
 
People have to want to change.

Concern or no concern, he has to realise he is only fucking up his own future.
 
It can be hard to watch people do certain things but you can't force any change. Just taking care of yourself is already showing him that it is possible to change his lifestyle of he wants to. As long as he knows that you're there to support and talk to him if he needs it, then he'll likely feel comfortable coming to you if he does decide he wants to change. Offline anyways, I really don't give anybody my opinion about their personal situation unless they ask for it. So do what you gotta do but if you're fragile right now taking on somebody else's issues is not necessarily helpful to you.
 
suessmayr said:
I have a good friend whom I met at uni and for a long time got wasted with. We used to go doctor shopping and just get absolutely fucking shitfaced on temazepam/flunitrazepam/diazepam (and others) and oxycodone/morphine/codeine/tramadol.

For a while we were both on bupe. Then he cleaned up while I kept fucking my life up. We sort of drifted during this period. Now I'm clean and finally making progress whereas he's eating benzos and opiates again.

He's a psychology student here in Sydney but for the past several months has been in Perth (where pretty much everyone he knows is). He's just conning dumbass rural doctors and getting constantly wasted. I'm concerned that he's not going to finish his degree and is simply going to bomb out. He has massive issues, like I do, with depression and anxiety.

What should I do? He's highly intelligent and I feel like he's just throwing his life down the toilet. He has virtually no friends here in Sydney and I think that he's leaning towards simply continuing to get wasted in Perth.

(I feel I should add that whereas I'm only just 23 he's 27. So it feels like it's more pressing in his case to get his shit together.)
Click to expand...

It's almost a page right outta my own book.
When I started my 2nd phase of meth binges in Long Beach, I wouldn't shut up about it. My best friend at the time only drank alcohol n smoked cannabis. After weeks of me badgering him about trying it n how amazing glass was, he was able to try it.
That day we had an intense amount of high quality crystal.
I'm the bigshot n rail 3 back to back lines in front of him n I only made one for him.
little did I know, he snorted a line beforehand, behind my back.
We hung out for about 12hours with some others just talkin up a storm at the base of the staircase; I was never more wired n euphoric in my life n so was he.
The next day WD's hit me like a slippery fish, days of no sleep n I had not a single rational thought or normal body function. Worst days of my life, by far.
I never touched that shit since that day a couple years back.
However, that was the start of his downward spiral toward being an absolute fiend.
"I will try anything you'll give me as long as it gets me wasted n life is all about fun" was his mindset, as immature with his situation n his own future as an 8year old.
He is an everything fiend n isn't doing anythng with all other aspects of his life.
I spent my entire life-force trying to help this one I considered family n despite his reassuring words, his actions say "fuck you".
My investment of time n effort was absolutely wasted.
Everytime I'm even reminded of him the biggest dissappointment n despair fills my heart.
Not just dissappointment in him, but anger towards myself for not seeing such a thng coming, even more so that I toppled the 1st domino.


The point of my story here is you can try n try n try, but their involvement n effort is just as important as yours.
It's one of those "meet me halfway" thing.
Once you recognize that your doing evrythng but it isn't enough, it's time to let your vision of hope die.
Some are hopeless n we will all come across at least one in our life.
I wish you all the strength n patience such a salvation recquires.
But I also wish you the knowledge n rationality to recognize when you need to leave.
 
Yeah thanks guys.

The thing with this guy is that he doesn't have the supports I have - he doesn't have a half-decent family, any real amount of money, health-insurance...for this reason he's never been institutionalised as I have; he's never sat down and said to himself "Ok, I'm fucked up/depressed/addicted, I need help" because he just doesn't have the luxury. So I think it's highly possible that he doesn't even know what's going on. He probably thinks he's just taking it easy. I think he'll find it hard to even begin to accept the idea that he's doing the wrong thing by himself. He would probably laugh if I suggested it. Nothing is expected of him; there's noone to watch over him and say 'hey, how's uni going, everyone is rooting for you'. His family is comprised exclusively of dead shit religious idiots wallowing in rural ignorance.
 
suessmayr said:
Yeah thanks guys.

The thing with this guy is that he doesn't have the supports I have - he doesn't have a half-decent family, any real amount of money, health-insurance...for this reason he's never been institutionalised as I have; he's never sat down and said to himself "Ok, I'm fucked up/depressed/addicted, I need help"
Click to expand...

So what does he have to lose?

In his mind, probably nothing. Thus, getting him to see how bad his situation really is, is going to be difficult.
 
That's exactly it. He has nothing to lose. If he were to fuck up and move back to Perth it would almost be like him doing the expected thing since everyone else in his family is there.

Also, he's not strictly addicted to anything right now (except pot). He's simply doctor shopping alot and eating alot of pills and spending the time in between suicidal.
 
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