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Vent/Rant Thread 1 (POTENTIALLY TRIGGERING)

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^ wow dude that was some heavy reading and i can understand ur frustration...
Im Pissed coz nothings changein for me, I have some good days but @ the end of it all im still me, My lungs are fucked and so ive got to give up one of the things i love most in the world, eating weed is gonna be a chalenge, im stuck on pharms, im off the naturals and feelin shitty, i cant eat properly, i cant shit properly and im sposed to keep this up for another 2 months:X
 
I know that it's hard when you're in the thick of it, but things will get better. Everything takes time; it can take months for a lifestyle change to show its benefit.

Oh, and IMO edibles are fine once you get the amounts down. Sure, it takes a while, but it give a nice, background effect which is ideal for medicinal use. PM me if you need any extra tips for such use.
 
Back to working my life away, I moved to this town two weeks ago and got a job within 3 days
Still haven't taken my adderall
Still running around like a squirrel on crack
MMMMmmm boy
 
Glad to hear that you're working, but from what you've posted before it sounds like you genuinely have ADD, and as such might benefit from the adderall. Have you tried any non-pharmacological treatments, like biofeedback? I don't know much about ADD, but I've heard good things about biofeedback therapy.
 
Never heard of biofeedback. I'm prescribed adderall, I just don't take it all the time cause it slows me down mentally and physically (as its supposed to, duh) but I can't always afford to be slowed down cause of my work schedule and the fact that I hate feeling slow...so I only take it when I simply can't stand my mindfuck and hyperactivity. I know I genuinely have adhd, and it pisses me off that the public at large seems to think its some disorder invented just so people can get pharmaceutical speed. Yes, alot of people do use it for that. But then there's people who really ARE adhd.
 
YEEHAW AMPHETAMINEESSSS!
well fuck, ive been a mess this week.
used adderall on tuesday to finish my homework, smoked weed to make therapy more tolerable,
wedsday i shroomed with my bestfriend (which was a complete mindfuck, im gonna write out a trip report)
and today i plan on finishing my adderall (10mg IR x9)8( to clean the house and handle some unfinished business.

no wonder i've been depressed. its because of all of these geddam drugs.
next time i see my psych im gonna ask her about anhedonia because i think im experiencing it.
Anhedonia is an inability to experience pleasurable emotions from normally pleasurable life events.
Click to expand...
 
I'm still trying to grasp the idea that this is a playground I could really, really get hurt on.
2qn172h.gif
 
a week ago, I had to pay a $100 deductible to replace my phone cause it was malfucktioning and just before I got it to the repair center...I dropped it and shattered the screen.

Now today, I just dropped it again and shattered the screen....AGAIN. I'VE DROPPED THIS FUCKING PHONE A ZILLION TIMES BEFORE AND WHAT ARE THE FUCKING CHANCES THAT I'D DROP IT JUST RIGHT AS TO SHATTER TWO DIFFERENT LCD SCREENS IN TWO WEEKS. I refuse to pay another deductible to replace this one. So I don't know what I'm going to fucking do now. Fuck it all. I hate everyone. I hate my job. The only thing I look forward to right now is that I turn 21 in 12 days
 
Anyone know what my problem is, that makes people shuffle my face to the back of their friend-rolodex..... until shit hits the proverbial crisis-fan?..... Because I don't.
Fuckballs, I can't even hang out with bar-drunks anymore.... all because I can't & don't want to fucking drink. So that makes me a square even amongst the most accepting of lushes, which is pretty goddamn lonely if everyone else has taken a fuckin hike.

And how is a simple phonecall too much to hope for? Why the fuck is it that if I don't text people, I don't hear a shitting peep from em until I do?
If someone is so concerned and wants to talk to me, they can find a fucking few empty minutes for such a purpose. Otherwise, they should text a different dipshit. Why should I even acknowledge those who show they care more about a wet fart's aftermath?

In fact.... I'm an idiot for being selfish enough to say anything.
Maybe I'll be happier if I just pretend to be happy and go fuckin' lucky all the time. After all, a lie told often enough becomes believable, especially to the liar.

I'm tired of seeing & speaking true things to those unwilling to know truth for themselves, but who insist on asking for it incessantly.

SideOrderOfOpiates said:
I'm still trying to grasp the idea that this is a playground I could really, really get hurt on.
2qn172h.gif
Click to expand...

I figured that one out, when a fat kid in 3rd grade knocked me down with a dodgeball, and then had my fingernail ripped off when my hand got promptly run over by a size-5 Keds sneaker. 8)
 
Motherfucking goddamn you pseudo chefs!!!! My nose is running like a kenyan marathon champion, I need a decongestant, and apparently none of the pharmacies in the suburb I work in even stock pseudoephedrine products anymore. FUCK YOU PHENYLEPHRINE!!!!
 
i've had this strange feeling that the reason i dont feel emotions anymore is because im not comfortable with myself as a person.

i know who i am and everything but i am not ok with it.
 
:! 3 AM forgot to take my antidepressant, cant sleep. Have not had troubles with sleep for a few months now, I just quit smoking, on the patches... I feel so wired like someone has booted me up with a bunch of speed it's so quiet ma kids asleep so im tip-toe ing around, she will be waking in like 3 hrs for school. Ive tried a extra xanax had a couple of tramadol and a couple of codeine tabs still no effect feeling stiff in my mussles and i know if i take the anti depressant now, il bomb out and be no good in 3 hrs.
kicking myself i clean forgot im gonna be shithouse tomorrrow... Everything in my life atm just seems so hectic 2 me and although i feel im making progress, I am awake not gonna b able to sleep which in turn will make me a cranky bastard tomorrow. Maybbe if im lucky il bomb out for a few hrs during the day... Have had insomnia b4 realy hope im not heading bak there, I'd love a smoke so much but my lungs r @ the point where it's quit or go downhill fast.
I hate the fact im the way i am, I feel like i'm toxic to those around me and have just about had enough. Im sure i could go on with a list of complaints, just glad this outlet is here otherwise tonite would be most likley turning out way worse. I suppose we will all see how im holding up laters on in the one word thread:|
 
I just turned 19 just 33 minutes ago. My girlfriend also just left me. What a wonderful birthday present.

I think this is the end of the line for me. From now I live with no goal or fear of consequences. I think I'm going to go to the woods now and trip.
 
Jesusgreen said:
I just turned 19 just 33 minutes ago. My girlfriend also just left me. What a wonderful birthday present.

I think this is the end of the line for me. From now I live with no goal or fear of consequences. I think I'm going to go to the woods now and trip.
Click to expand...

I remember a couple of months ago, and I was in a likewise situation in the sense of have the sentiment of having no goal or fear of consequences...then I went, or ran impulsively in the forest and gulped 20 some mg of 2c-e and that changed everything.
 
I'm doing fine, just the occasional emotional disturbance, sometimes pondering too much about life, death, and what to do with myself. But there's one person that has kept me hopeful for the future <3=D
 
......

it probably sounds melodramatic, or like an exaggeration - but for just over two years now, i wake up every damn morning screaming in pain, yelling out in pain, or in w/d from my shit useless pills, 7.5 oxy for 14 months AINT SHIT with out a tolerance, never-mind the same consistent DOSE

?! how fucking much more !?
oh - 30-40-50 years? no, fuck you very much.
 
^---- two years is at about the time I gave up on opiates for pain control. I realized that gobbling over 200mg morphine daily, still waking up in pain & junksick, and then spending the rest of my time worrying about running out of my script...... was a pretty pointless endeavor. Hell.... even titrating myself up to heroin didn't help.

It got to a point, where I decided it'd be better to only wake up in pain and deal with that; rather than heap a junky life on top of it all, and be sick every time the doctors were lazy or assholes about refills.

But you're right..... fuck you very much to any more time voluntarily popping pills.
 
I once curled tightly into the fetal position in shock and submission. I was unable to cry, but able to utter one phrase—"things will never be the same again". Years later, and despite the outcome, things are still not the same. This person and their abusive, manipulative, predatory ways do not deserve the power to cripple me, and yet here I am, an invalid of fucking soul, and for what? When will I feel 'safe'? When will I trust my 'health'? When will I trust the world enough to let myself back in it? When will I know if I even want to be a minute part of it?
 
SideOrderOfOpiates said:
When will I trust my 'health'?
Click to expand...

For different reasons, but I wonder this myself.
My new job is going ok, but I hate working with tweedel dee and tweedel dipshit....they fucked up a whole 17 boxes of parts yesterday, and it wasn't my fault cause I was the first person in the assembly line and the one who fucked them up was the person who did the last step in the line...but we still all took shit for it today. They're both a couple of bossy fucking know it all pricks and they've been there less time than I have. I prefer to work alone, or at least with competent people. I had a feeling the parts were fucked up but I didn't have a fucking say in shit. So then I work with them again for an hour today, then supervisor moves me somewhere else and after I leave one of the guys tried to say that I threw parts around and cut my hand pretty badly. Which is a load of shit, cause I didn't. Then I still didn't make quota where he moved me to cause it was a station that involved inspecting and polishing parts and I'm OCD when it comes to things like that so it took me forever to do them and....oh...yeah...I drank half a 4x strength stacker energy shot and I"m hyper as fuck cause I been not taking my adderall cuz it slows me down and I need to not be slowed down so I'm sped up cause only caffeine speeds me up without slowing me down afterwards like adderall does...and uh yeah...LDSKJFODSIFUSDKLFHSKJLDFFUCFUCKFUCK
 
trying to learn Quickbooks and its fucking with my head. I feel like a fucking idiot. I NEED to learn this shit and I cannot put my fucking fist through a wall.

Fuck I need to gain some patience in all areas of my life
 
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