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My parents think I am an alcoholic and I live with them

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Roger32

Bluelighter
Joined
Jun 3, 2007
Messages
289
graduated college in May.

They think I am an alcoholic. I drink 3 or 4 nights a week, never more. Under normal circumstances, I don't drink except the weekends/special occasions, and smoke weed a couple of nights during the week. But I cant smoke pot because I am expecting a pre employment drug test.

How to deal with this situation? I want out of the house in the worst way, and am obviously applying for every job I can find, but what else should I do?
 
try not drinking for now at least, it's not healthy for you anyway. If drinking is interfering with your life, then maybe you do have a problem.
 
You're not physically dependent on alcohol, so you're not an alcoholic.

As for what your parents think, that's kind of a tough spot. As long as you're under their roof you're pretty much stuck doing what they say.
 
RobotRipping said:
try not drinking for now at least, it's not healthy for you anyway. If drinking is interfering with your life, then maybe you do have a problem.
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It does not interfere with my life though. I am unemployed right now, there is nothing to interfere with. If I have an interview I dont drink the night before obviously. There is little other responsibilities for me at the moment.

I do not have a drinking problem.
 
Being unemployed is all the more reason not to drink lol. I mean i assume its social drinking right? like your not just spending your money on alcohol and getting drunk by yourself.
 
Roger32 said:
It does not interfere with my life though. I am unemployed right now, there is nothing to interfere with. If I have an interview I dont drink the night before obviously. There is little other responsibilities for me at the moment.
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You're missing the point. It doesn't matter if *you* don't think you have a problem. Perception is key here, and your family perceives that you do.... and it doesn't matter even that perceptions are always flawed in the absence of a solid picture of the problem.
You live in their house, by their love & good graces. It's understandable how hard it is to find a job..... but still, have the courtesy & respect to at least work out what exactly their concerns are..... and how to address them in a civil manner.
Just because they think you have a substance-abuse problem, doesn't make it an instant them-vs-you conflict. They're trying to tell you something, because they love you.
I think you're adult enough to take the situation in hand, and make it right somehow..... and the first would be to drop certain selfish habits...... like drinking and smoking pot. Time spent on them, is time most often not spent on more productive pursuits.
 
Number Love said:
Being unemployed is all the more reason not to drink lol. I mean i assume its social drinking right? like your not just spending your money on alcohol and getting drunk by yourself.
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It is a little of both. I drink more or less every friday and saturday socially, but I do have one night a week where I drink alone (and I enjoy it).
 
Ixchellian said:
You're missing the point. It doesn't matter if *you* don't think you have a problem. Perception is key here, and your family perceives that you do.... and it doesn't matter even that perceptions are always flawed in the absence of a solid picture of the problem.
You live in their house, by their love & good graces. It's understandable how hard it is to find a job..... but still, have the courtesy & respect to at least work out what exactly their concerns are..... and how to address them in a civil manner.
Just because they think you have a substance-abuse problem, doesn't make it an instant them-vs-you conflict. They're trying to tell you something, because they love you.
I think you're adult enough to take the situation in hand, and make it right somehow..... and the first would be to drop certain selfish habits...... like drinking and smoking pot. Time spent on them, is time most often not spent on more productive pursuits.
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1. I have not smoked pot in months

2. How is drinking selfish? It literally effects no one negatively, so what exactly is the big deal?
 
This isn't an issue of whether or not you have a drinking problem. You say you don't and you don't want to stop drinking. It's an issue of whether or not your parents should be able to set these limits on your behaviour while you are living with them. You may be better off discussing this with your parents and explaining why you feel that you should be able to drink. Maybe there is some sort of compromise you can come to. As much as I hate the "you'll do as I say while you're under my roof" card, it's hard to build a solid argument against it.
 
It's a hard situation to deal with. It's probably best you talk to them and get an idea on what exactly it is they're worried about, and what they think is an acceptable amount of drinking. They're probably just worried about your wellbeing and want to make sure you're ok.

My parents also think I'm an alcoholic, which I am, but as they're really nervous about drugs and they know I'm a drug addict, it's more that they feel my drinking is the one issue they're comfortable to bring up. I think they just like to pretend the drug use isn't happening. I'm actually pretty sorry to say that I just hide my drinking...
 
^ that sucks, hiding your addictions only feed into them and make them worse IME.

I'd say you're an alcoholic if it interferes with your life, which is of course a solid definition for addiction. Physical dependence doesn't really matter imo it's just something that happens after a while and at that point, you won't be able to stop anyway, at least not without some serious effort. You can be physically dependent and not be addicted, like people who use benzos medicinally and are dependent after a few months. Their dependency doesn't affect their lives, therefore they are not addicts. Same with people who use opiates for long term pain.

@OP: If you're drinking 4 times per week, you are spending more days drunk/hungover than you are sober. I'm sure most people have had points in their life where this is the case, especially in college or something. I think it also depends on how you are drinking, are you binge drinking? do you black out? What's your past experience with alcohol like? It may not seem like you are affecting anyone negatively but if your parents are worried, that to me, sounds like a negative effect. If you're sitting back 4 days of the week having a beer or two to relax, I don't think anyone is going to complain but if you are getting seriously fucked up 3-4 days a week then it's a different issue. As well, where do you get the money to drink that much? If it's from your parents then you don't have much wiggle room when it comes to what they think whether you have a problem or not. For now, just stop drinking so much, your parents will be proud and you'll probably get a long much better with them making your time at home bearable and possibly even something your parents have fond memories of. I get that it's boring, but try another drug, a new hobby or something. Getting really stoned everyday when you have no responsibilities is much healthier than getting drunk.
 
Roger32 said:
1. I have not smoked pot in months

2. How is drinking selfish? It literally effects no one negatively, so what exactly is the big deal?
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1. good, but only because its for job/legal/beat-a-drug test reasons. Never mind that your parents probably would not be happy with continued pot use.

2. It affects YOU negatively, which your parents perceive..... which makes THEM unhappy and worried. If you haven't figured out that getting high or drunk is one of the most inherently selfish activities possible..... you've got a lot to learn...... and I hope you do it before causing yourself, and those who love you, a lot of anguish.
 
I really hope Roger32 is listening to all this.
Although I can't help but notice he is rationalizing all this every step of the way.
It most certainly is a big deal, otherwise you wouldn't have brought this up.
It most certainly is a big deal, as long as one persons sees it as so (& you have more than one person one that end of the see-saw, my friend).

If it's not such a big deal to you then do somethng for the ones who aren't so lucky.
It's not like they're choosing to be worried, no one does.
So what I'm trying to get across (along with other voices of reason), is that you need to do something for them; this something is to give up a small aspect of illusionary joy to extinguish the hurt that you are causing (it doesn't matter if this hurt is smaller than a grain of sand or it envelopes your mind, bottom line is it shouldn't exist n it's only your job to do something about it).

My question to you is, are you prepared to make a sacrifice for the greater good??
 
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