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Maturing out of drug use?

pr0d1gy

pr0d1gy

Bluelighter
Joined
May 1, 2009
Messages
547
Location
NOT CANADA
First off I want to say that I am not implying drug users or drug use is immature. I simply could not think of a title that is more appropriate. I just wanted to post this summation of my experience of about 10 years of drug use/abuse and at this time I really don't have any other outlet that wouldn't leave me in fear of damaging my professional image and future. If anyone actually takes the time to read this well, that is neat :D.

I got into the "scene" in highschool. My first experience was with LSD, up to that point i'd never tried anything even pot. I didn't really understand anything about drugs, how they worked or what they did. I just knew they were bad and not to do them. My first experience with LSD broke every perception I had about illegal drugs and opened up a world to me. For all of highschool (5 years of it) I totally immersed myself in the world of drugs. I lived and breathed it around friends and tried to hide it among my family. I thought I was slick and doing a good job but in retrospect was beyond delusional. I did everything I could, in ridiculous amounts with no regard that it might have been dangerous. I saw friends die, fall out with people they loved and almost did both myself.

I reached a peak where living and deluding myself and people around me that I wasn't a train wreck just wasn't possible. Between legal problems and social pressure I unwillingly ended my use of drugs completely. For years there was not a day I wasn't bitter, angry and didn't reminisce about the days I lived life on the edge. For years I lived in anger that I couldn't go back to it and dreaming about the day I would and how i'd hit the shit even harder then ever. I was going to be the awe of everyone I knew, the guy who had the best shit and did it in crazy amounts yet still kept his shit. That was my goal for every year I was on probation and lived at home. I hated the system and my family because they kept me from living life as I honestly wanted.

During my time being clean I couldn't get drugs out of my head and honestly couldnt' use. I ended up taking interest in them in another way and found myself having a general interest in medicine, chemistry and pharmacology. I ended up unwilling going to school and declared my major as nursing (though I never intended to graduate, I was always planning the day i'd be back living the good life) ended up actually learning many things relevant to my past. It was rough, I had alot of emotional issues during it and never thought i'd make it.

Amazingly by the time I got my prereqs done between school and personal initiative I had a pretty good understanding of pharmacology particularly of psychotropics. At this point looking back at my life I realized I should have died, many many times. I don't know how I lived, I was like a toddler with a handgun so to speak.

I honestly lost my will to use, I had my brother almost die to "Research Chemicals" and saw people weekly through their lives away and hurt themselves. Not because of drugs they used but more because they didn't have a clue what they were doing lack of understanding is just as dangerous as cut or dirty needles. I felt guilty even taking a small dose of ADHD meds seeing the sort of things I saw.

This is long sorry :\ ill finish up my rant. Anyway now im starting my first semester of Med School (fucking scarey eh?) and looking back on the impact psychoactives have had on my life is just a trip in its own. I should have died but I wouldn't be where I am today if I hadn't been through it. I see drugs play a huge part in ruining lives but I also see them save lives and honestly wouldn't have got through school without adderall probably.

I guess the point of this whole thing is to anyone out there who feels they have no hope, hang in there because its pretty amazing how shit can change.

Disclaimer: I am not trying to preach or spew hate about drugs or those who use them. Ive met alot of responsible people for whom drug use is a part of life not a controlling factor in it. I can't be one of those people personally but that is just me.
 
meh, i dont like LSD, it scares the fuck out of me. I dont see what a getting high on the weekends hurts
 
xbloodwhipx said:
meh, i dont like LSD, it scares the fuck out of me. I dont see what a getting high on the weekends hurts
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Universally speaking it doesn't. For people who have non-addictive personalities and can handle themselves it's no problem. For others it could lead to worse things, like getting high on more then weekends.
 
The real question is how is your past experience with drugs going to shape the doctor you are? Can you write that OC script and still sleep at night? You wont have the luxury of being niave.
 
an addiction is an addiction.

i have "matured" out of a lot of things. i can separate things that lead to long-term (and short-term) happiness and short-term pleasure with long-term emptiness, or unhappiness.

but whether it's "drugs," or arousal addictions like food/internet/porn, your brain has strong connects that lead you to believe these things are needs. if you've using them for a long time they are the first things you want to go to when your willpower wanes even a little bit. so it doesn't really matter how mature you are in the sense of "i know better"; it matters how much practice you've had in building your willpower.

the longer you've done something the tougher it is to get rid of it because your brain thinks the longer you've done something the better it is.
 
Actually, most people do mature out of drug use, if they ever used drugs to begin with. This site is kind of like the opposite extreme of people who have a zero tolerance policy to drugs, by promoting a culture where there's seemingly no alternative to drug use (be it recreational), or that alternative does exist but it's so insipid to be unbearable.

There does come an age where you mature and start thinking about starting a family and settling down, focusing on your career, etc. At that point, using drugs begins to lose its zest and appeal, because now the person has progressed through his young adult life and realizes he has more pragmatic responsibilities.
 
as i have matured,
i dont want to be fucked 24/7
i like being able to use my brain,
and when I do want to get fucked, i want to to be useful, not a waste of chemicals
id say ive moved on from a drug abuser to a informed occasional user
 
As I've gotten older- I'm more careful with my health. Thus, I don't smoke anything anymore- neither cigarettes nor weed- I used to smoke both on a daily basis and I could feel what years of abusing my lungs was doing. Also, I've really moderated my drinking. The no smoking thing has helped me feel better.

I guess I just realize that I can't take my health for granted.
 
theseeker said:
As I've gotten older- I'm more careful with my health. Thus, I don't smoke anything anymore- neither cigarettes nor weed- I used to smoke both on a daily basis and I could feel what years of abusing my lungs was doing. Also, I've really moderated my drinking. The no smoking thing has helped me feel better.

I guess I just realize that I can't take my health for granted.
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Vaporizing weed doesnt hurt you very much
 
Wow OP I can relate.

I used to think I would mature out of drug use. Honestly this was my thought process and that one day I would just magically not feel the need to abuse drugs anymore.

Sadly the years have gone by and ive realised this is not the case.

I'm now doing my Law degree and dont know how I got here through all that but yeah, it's scary right?

I think you are right, maturing out of drug use is impossible for me as I'm well over 18 lol and now just accept maybe I'm forever an addict and will just have to keep being proactive in seeking professional help. Good luck Pr0d1gy.
 
I'm middle aged and I have used drugs since I was twelve. Although I quit from 15-22, then started back. At 22 I mo ved to the most partying city on this planet. You can guess. It is in the United States.

I went through phases starting with crack, then acid, then powder coke, then heroin, then pills, all the while drinking and smoking pot. I forgave my 'friends' great wrongs like lying, stealing from me and my wife, and cheating me. I forgave too many things because I was high. Finally I started getting busted and had to do lots of community service, AA meetings, jail time and my druggy 'friends' weren't supportive. Then I gave up partying and then hated on me. That's when I saw drugs for what they were. I quit completely. Right now I have no friends. My best friend insulted me to no end because he was selfish. He ever said he wished I was dead. He is a heroin addict. I was stupid for a long long time.

Now I am tired of being stupid. I quit being stupid, and stupid people hate me for it. I would rather not have such friends who are only good for partying. It looked like I was always having fun, but now I have nothing to show for it. I even got to where I committed suicide because I didn't know how to live straight. I had to learn how to live all over.

Yes you can mature out of drug use. It happens in many ways and it's harder the longer you are into drugs.
 
Snarky91 said:
There does come an age where you mature and start thinking about starting a family and settling down, focusing on your career, etc. At that point, using drugs begins to lose its zest and appeal, because now the person has progressed through his young adult life and realizes he has more pragmatic responsibilities.
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So true. At some point you need to focus on new life experiences that make drugs less and less relevant.
 
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IME in my youth my drug taking was more hedonistic, partying and getting wasted all weekend, in gnerneral I had a great time

As I've got older its become more self medicating and distructive as I've reached out to drugs to try and deal with seom of the longer term problems that have taken hold in my later years.
 
I will always be an addict - but I do not have to always act on it in a negative sense.

I tend to view days between use and take some pride in them , wheres before it was only guilt and shame that would come with using. And, personally guilt and shame lead to full blown relapse for me at least.
 
They play a toilet bowl effect on your mind. One moment you're trying one drug out.

Next you're out partying with your friends.
Calling your dozens of dealers.
You'll be at your job, praying that you have the self-control not to use your pay-check on that next gram of whatever.

People are ashamed of what you're doing, but fuck'em.

Then from there, it seems like either the law gets you. Or your health.

I worship the fine line between use and abuse. Life is short. The life of a drug-addict is shorter.
 
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When you start realizing you do have goals, you also realize constant use of drugs is a huge obstacle in achieving those goals. You just stop looking at them with the same eyes.
 
Pr0digy, I hope you still post here and there regardless of not using anymore, your one of the good ol' boys who understand the pros AND CONS of drug use and the line between use and abuse. Good for you man, if you don't feel like going back to using than definitely don't, in your situation I think you made the right call. In the line of work your pursuing drug use would be too tempting and with your past you may end up with an impulse control issue if you dive back in and ruin everything.

May I ask what RC your mother had trouble with, I find experiences like that can be a game changer forsure, with RC's were all basically toddlers with handguns.

I got a simple misdemeanor and it was attempted possesion, but it was enough for me to take a good hard look at things and what I decided is that I truly do enjoy using substances and Im not willing to get rid of that, howwever, its not worth the risk of ruining my future, education, employment, family (dont think theyd ever bail on me but everyone has a breaking point).....

I live in a small area, even an attempted possesion and everyone looks at you different here...... this only made me want to use more, scarface syndrome "You wanna see tha bad guy Ill show you the bad guy", quickly learned I was only hurting myself and perpetuating my poor reputation, so I quit being the fly the fuck you flag guy and started looking at things from a how can I do this legit angle, I got myself a psychiatrist and a temazepam script, a suboxone script, and a medical marijuana card. That covers about everything I need, if I feel like venturing into psychedelics or stimulants I can do that semi-legally through the RC market (which scares me quite honestly..... as my ma had a horrible reaction to MXE and had trouble swallowing and breathing).

Obviously I still have to worry about how these things are affecting my performance, health, and people around me........ But I find legit scripts affect all 3 on such a smaller scale I feel im getting more benefit than loss....which to be 100 percent honest still is a small obstacle, i.e. run out of sub or misplace it and miss a day of work/school, take a temazepam and are groggy in the morning etc etc I.e. The year I wasnt smoking pot I was an asshole Ive been told, I didnt give a shit about school (can't explain why but I was only worried about probation and not smoking and that took all my energy almost, not making great sense there I know, but true, like you I hated the system and spent alot of energy stewing in my juices)
 
For me, I don't know if I have 'matured' out of drug use, just that the side effects are stronger than the positive effects now. I generally have no interest in drugs apart from weed and alcohol, and even they have more side effects for me than they did a few years ago Quitting coke this year was a huge milestone for me - the last time I did it I had a three-day comedown filled with the most excruciating anxiety I have ever felt apart from GBL withdrawals.

Svieri said:
When you start realizing you do have goals, you also realize constant use of drugs is a huge obstacle in achieving those goals. You just stop looking at them with the same eyes.
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I agree. Although I'd still take psychedelic drugs for spiritual purposes, but we're talking maybe once a year at the most.

That said, I've had a lot of beautiful experiences due to drugs, and I'll always be grateful :) But I'm relieved that I don't miss those times.
 
Hmm.. although I rarely post outside ADD section, but i just want to give a +1 to the OP.
Very appreciate the writing style. Interesting point of views and informations!
 
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