That's a very unusual experience, i've never heard of it happening with wellbutrin, nor any of the typical antidepressants (though ive seen a number of reports of lasting negative effects not resolved by resuming treatment after withdrawing from some TCAs, which act through means still not fully understood, and behave much more strangely).
It's also really strange that you've on several occasions noted improvement, followed by waking up in a state of confusion. One wonders if those waking up in state of confusion occasions were preceeded by undetected seizures as well. Wellbutrin is known to tend to cause seizures.
Yes, the most confusing thing has been the days of improvement followed by worsening when I went to sleep and woke up. Let me try to explain in more detail exactly what happened.
After 4 months off the drug, I was noticing a severe lack of emotion, although the core of my being was still intact. When I reinstated in March of 2010, things started to really go downhill. I didn't understand because I had been on this drug for 5 years and was stable and pretty productive. But when I reinstated I started losing deep parts of myself. Not just emotions, but connections and feelings that were always there that defined me. I thought this was "depression" so I kept taking it for a month. When I wasn't improving, but just getting worse I stopped taking it again. I started to think maybe the drug was making me worse instead of better.
I stopped taking it April 1st. After a further month of the nothingness inside I really didn't know what to do. I thought maybe I hadn't given it enough of a chance to start working again, so I reinstated again on May 10th. After 2 days of taking the drug at 300mg (the high dosage I'd been on for the 5 years) I experienced a gradual returning of my feelings. I couldn't believe it, it felt like a miraculous change. I wasn't only feeling like myself again, but like a new person. Before that day I had intense social anxiety, and was uncomfortable in social situations. That day the social anxiety was COMPLETELY gone, and I felt like I knew exactly the right things to say to everyone. My thoughts were constantly racing and I was making plans for the future, it felt like the sky was the limit. In a way it felt scary, because it didn't feel like me, I felt like someone else and almost outside myself. But it was an amazing day.
I should mention that this "episode" was preceded by insomnia. When it was over I'd been up for 2 days straight. I finally got to sleep, but when I woke up the nightmare began. I found myself staring into space for no reason for 15 minutes in bed. When I realized I was awake, I knew something was very wrong. My tongue was swollen and my heart was beating faster than it ever had in my life. When I stood up my brain completely "zoned out" and my entire consciousness shifted into a state of depersonalization and confusion. I felt electrical currents coarse throughout my brain and entire body, and my extremities began twitching rapidly. I did not lose consciousness, but it felt like I was going to. My heartbeat starting getting very weak and beating irregularly, and I thought I was dying.
Mentally, I had devolved back into the state of nothingness. Long story short, I was taken to the hospital via ambulance. They did a CT scan and it was negative. I ended up in the psych ward because of my mental state. My self and emotions gradually returned while I was in the hospital for 2 days waiting to be transferred to a mental hospital. I actually felt good again. Once again I thought the ordeal was over. Wrong again. I'd been up for 2 days again, I finally got to sleep at the mental hospital. Woke up confused, and eventually I realized all my feelings were gone again. But this time it felt like they had been erased more fully than ever. After this, all I did was stay in bed.
They put me back on Wellbutrin and Abilify. They had no effect. I stayed there for a week then came home. I stopped taking all meds in late May. I remained at home for 4 more months of nothingness, and spending most of the time in bed. Then September 6th I finally felt some feelings of myself return. It was nowhere near the improvement of May, there was still a lot missing, but I felt like I could live for the first time in months. I left the house for the first time in 4 months and did things I finally felt like doing. After this long off the drug, I thought the brain was finally rewiring and allowing me to get on with my life. Wrong for the third (and final) time.
Again, the improvement occurred with insomnia. I was wary to fall asleep. For good reason - "it" happened again. When I regained awareness, I got up and I felt completely dead inside again. I did not want to admit that the positive changes from the previous day had been erased, so I tried to go back to sleep. While my eyes were closed, I began to realize that not only had everything inside me died again, but I literally felt dead, in a way I'd never thought possible. Like I'd ceased to exist.
I got up, but I no longer felt like a person in a body existing. There were no sensations inside me associated with getting up and walking. The images changed, but it's like there was no self there to get feedback from the environment. The perception of the senses (i.e. touch, smell) was greatly diminished. All the emotions and feelings of being an alive human being and having a self were gone, and now the physical sensations were going as well. I literally felt like I ceased to exist in every way but physically.
I had the MRI done shortly after this final change, and it was negative. This state has persisted for 11 months, unchanging. I've literally spent the last 11 months in bed and have gained ridiculous amounts of weight. However, I don't feel fat. I don't feel myself at the deepest level imaginable, and I don't care. I can't feel the days pass, every second is complete nothingness, but the part that cares is gone too. I feel no relation to the person who lived the 31 years before this. My soul has been erased, and I don't see a dignified way out. I have no life, my life is already over. I have nothing to show for it, and no answers. I wish this was a tumor or organic brain disease because at least then I'd have an answer. It's hard to think something as benign as an antidepressant could do this.
The state you describe does sound very strange.
Are you taking, or were you taking, any other perscription medications?
Are you taking, or were you taking, at any point in this, any recreational drugs?
If yes to either, describe your usage.
No on both counts. I had been on antidepressants (and occasionally antipsychotics) off and on since I was 14, however. Sometimes I think maybe the cumulative usage of these drugs has caused this. It's too late to change this now, though.