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Does it sound like I'm an addict?

S

StarryEyedLaughing

Greenlighter
Joined
Aug 5, 2011
Messages
15
I'm now almost eighteen, a senior in high school. The first time I used any kind of mind-altering substance (besides caffeine and nicotine) was when I was fifteen. I drank three beers and thought it was great. But I enjoyed it a little too much, I think. I first smoked pot at age sixteen, less than a year after my first encounters with drugs. I liked that too, but only smoked in moderation. Every now and then. Of course, whenever I had ten bucks, I was more than willing to buy a blunt, but it wasn't like I needed it or anything. In my eleventh grade year, I was sent to rehab for four months because I was smoking weed and abusing DXM ALL the time. My mother, being the caring mother she is, was always afraid I'd overdosed when I was simply high, so there were quite a few hospital visits (all of them humiliating and somewhat painful) in a short period of time. Anyway, I ended up in a rehab-type place. It was a total lockdown, though. It was terrible. I got out in February of this year and shortly thereafter continued using drugs. I've done all sorts of things to get high in my life: nutmeg, nitrous from whipped cream cans, a bunch of different pills, and probably more that I can't think of at the moment. And it's not that I feel that I need to get high, it's just that I tend to get immensely bored and seek drugs as a way to escape the boredom, as far as I can tell; however, I often find it hard to know exactly why I do some things.

Now I smoke weed pretty much all the time. Not every day, but whenever there's an opportunity. I'd say once every three or four days on average, but that's just an estimation. When there's no weed, I often get into the medicine cabinet to see what I can find. I like drinking energy drinks for the enhanced mental clarity and subtle "buzz" (if it could be called that) they give me. I don't know why I like getting high so much, but I just find it fun, and often very intriguing. Lately, I've begun thinking that I'm sort of a psychonaut, but ironically, as soon as I "realized" (or simply just thought) this, I stopped feeling the need to take as many notes while high. If I don't use any drugs for a while (besides cigarettes, of course :\) I don't have withdrawal symptoms, besides boredom and a flat-out desire to get high. I'm not addicted to any one drug. But I think I may be addicted to the feeling of having an altered state of consciousness. That's what everyone tells me, and it's beginning to worry me.

What are your guys' thoughts on this? I mean, would you call me an addict?

P.S.: I apologize for such a long post, but I felt I needed to give you the whole story so you could get an idea of how I am. Thanks to anyone who actually reads this and replies.
 
I just skimmed your post because you already know the answer that applies to you and only you.

I know that people who aren't addicts don't spend their time thinking whether they are addicted or not. The thought either never crosses their mind or it is fleeting and easily answered.

I'm an addict and I don't use any drugs at all. Simply put, it doesn't have to apply to drugs at all.

If something tastes good, I want to taste it again and again and again
If something looks good, I want to look at it again and again and again
If something smells good...
If something feels good, I want to feel it again and again and again.

The hit comes when these become obsessive thoughts and compulsive actions.

Now for the disclaimer... everyone is different. Don't grab onto some dude's definition of addiction with two hands and run with it. That could be a catastrophe. When I was 18, my identity was all about the drugs, the lifestyle and the behavior associated with both. I fought with tooth and nail to maintain that identity. In the end, all that shit was fake and it caused those that were closest to me significant pain, loss and every other type of negativity that comes along with loving a self-seeking individual.

you'll figure it out. Strip away all the nonsense, the justifications, the false identities and get to the exact nature of what you are really asking and shit will get a bit clearer and easier to understand
 
OverDone said:
I know that people who aren't addicts don't spend their time thinking whether they are addicted or not. The thought either never crosses their mind or it is fleeting and easily answered.
Click to expand...

This. If you have to think about it, then you probably have addictive tendencies.
 
I dont think your an addict I think your a teenager. You really shouldnt label yourself as anything you are still growing and learning and experimenting do you have addivtive tendancys maybe? But you could grow out of it you havent done any extremely addictive drugs yet I highely sugest you stay away from benzos and opiates. You can be anything you wanna be.
 
^
i could only reiterate all of that...

plus 1
" If something tastes good, I want to taste it again and again and again
If something looks good, I want to look at it again and again and again
If something smells good...
If something feels good, I want to feel it again and again and again. "

... same goes and goes for money.
plesure spend pleasure spend again and again.


i now like to decide on an object i want to buy, and then start anticipating and looking further into it. most the time i find myself not purchasing the item after a couple of weeks...
 
For some people, anyone who uses an 'illicit' drug is an addict. OD and company are bang on in that the definition is variable, and only you can say whether you are or not. Based on my thoughts, I'd say that you're not-- you're more of an experimenter. But your desire to get high to escape boredom is troubling, and has led more than a few people down some dark paths. Not to mention the fact that you started using so young.

Not to sound too condescending, but perhaps a hobby is in order? There is a platitude that I'm not entirely sure that I believe, but has prodded me to action a couple of times: "you're not bored, you're boring". Now, I don't know you, and even if I did I'd hesitate to call you (or anyone) boring, but there is a seed of truth in there. If the only thing that you can think of to do to amuse yourself is get high, then I'd say that there may be a problem. Not an addiction, but your life would certainly appear to be unbalanced.

Food for thought...
 
Doesn't matter what anybody wants to call you. You can look at your behavour and its consequences; then you can decide yourself if they are worth it or not. You can be considered an addict based on smoking even if you didn't touch any other drugs. Addiction doesn't have anything to do with legality or the social acceptance of a substance.

You get to choose what you want in life. If you want more than getting high then go for it. There are plenty of other pursuits if you are open and willing to explore.
 
Dave said:
For some people, anyone who uses an 'illicit' drug is an addict. OD and company are bang on in that the definition is variable, and only you can say whether you are or not. Based on my thoughts, I'd say that you're not-- you're more of an experimenter. But your desire to get high to escape boredom is troubling, and has led more than a few people down some dark paths. Not to mention the fact that you started using so young.

Not to sound too condescending, but perhaps a hobby is in order?
Click to expand...

Roger that, ghostriders.....

Drugs don't work as a hobby..... because unlike a hobby, you've still got nothing after you're done.
And if you hate boredom, being a junky is one of the most boring ways of life out there.
But, drugs and hard experience can be a gateway to better things..... as in if you like smoking bud; try learning all you can about plant genetics and growth, so you can grow some of the most beautiful, healthy, and useful plants for your own house when you've gotten a bit older.

It is what you make it..... if you're determined enough to do learn about & do nutmeg, I'm pretty positive you can handle doing more useful & constructive things, than just being an "addict". :)
 
Legerity said:
Doesn't matter what anybody wants to call you. You can look at your behavour and its consequences; then you can decide yourself if they are worth it or not. You can be considered an addict based on smoking even if you didn't touch any other drugs. Addiction doesn't have anything to do with legality or the social acceptance of a substance.

You get to choose what you want in life. If you want more than getting high then go for it. There are plenty of other pursuits if you are open and willing to explore.
Click to expand...

Of course. I'm currently trying to figure out where I want to go to college; I'm already pretty sure I want to be a poet or a musician, just not where I want to go to school. Anyway, thanks to everyone for the replies and everything. I feel a little better now - after all, "addict" is just a label. Whether or not I'm an addict is irrelevant; where I am in life and what I'm doing is what matters.

Thanks again!
 
You definitely SEEM like you have an addictive personality. What are these " a bunch of different pills" that you speak of? That could be problematic.
I'd cut back if I were you, and find things to do while you're bored OTHER than drugs.

Start exercising man! That'll give you an opiate high AND condition your body so it's better than ever.

You sound like the early stages of the vast majority of kids I knew in highschool that ended up being junkies. (yes, all that you've been through, all the drama with your mother, that's not even the START of what you have ahead of you if you don't go about things more intelligently) It's all about what's balanced for you, though. If you seek out an altered consciousness, and you don't even know why, I'd stop and examine that for a while. You don't want to unconsciously walk into a drug addiction. If you cut back now, you have high hopes. You have LOTS of time to turn it around, and you can still enjoy pot now and then, or whatever other drug you may want. The less you use these drugs the better, though. It's COOL not to be addicted to anything, don't EVER think otherwise.

You don't sound like a "proper" drug addict, AKA someone who knows what and how much of a certain drug he's going to use at any given time. You sound like a "pre-addict" which is just a drug addict that doesn't have a solid chemical routine figured out, and doesn't have any physical withdrawals. This is why people are telling you you aren't an addict, because you probably don't have a single chemical that you rely on, other than cigs, but you seem to have the underlying disposition that will inevitably lead to being a drug addict at some point in your life, unless you do something proactive about it. A psychological addiction is far heavier than a physical addiction, no matter how bad your physical addiction is. (AKA even at the worst of a physical addiction, your mental state is still worse off than your body)
Hey man, I've been there, I think everyone who's responded to you has been there. I'm not trying to make you feel bad, I'm trying to give you my point of view. You sound like you need a break, and that you need to go about things differently, starting in your mind, and working your way outward to your whole life.
It ain't easy, but don't think of quitting/cutting back drugs as a wholly negative thing. You are opening yourself up for SO much more, embrace who you are as a sober person first. Love yourself sober self first. Then see if you REALLY want to get high and change your whole personality, just to try and fit in with some random people.

I feel like you're at the stage of drug abuse where it's all fun and games, even though you've begun to get some consequences. If you have friends in highschool who don't do drugs, I'd try HARD to maintain contact with them because once you go from "trying a bunch of different pills" to doing a regular amount of oxy, xanax, valium, amps, or whatever, lots of those friends who you get high with will turn into scumbags once physical addiction comes into the picture. You're gonna wish you still had friends that didn't ever touch a drug worse than beer or pot.
I'm just looking out, and being honest to your question from the way it looks to me. I am a drug addict myself, and I wish someone told me the things I just told you when I was where you are now.
 
You probably might not be an addict, but don't let that trick yourself into thinking its all good, hence end up doing more and more drugs more frequently until you are. You sound alot like me actually. I have done drugs for years quite alot out of boredom. As someone posted earlier, just keep the hell away from stuff like benzos. Diazepam started off out of boredom/for anxiety for me and turned into a 6 year long bad addiction.
 
StarryEyedLaughing said:
I'm now almost eighteen, a senior in high school. The first time I used any kind of mind-altering substance (besides caffeine and nicotine) was when I was fifteen. I drank three beers and thought it was great. But I enjoyed it a little too much, I think. I first smoked pot at age sixteen, less than a year after my first encounters with drugs. I liked that too, but only smoked in moderation. Every now and then. Of course, whenever I had ten bucks, I was more than willing to buy a blunt, but it wasn't like I needed it or anything. In my eleventh grade year, I was sent to rehab for four months because I was smoking weed and abusing DXM ALL the time. My mother, being the caring mother she is, was always afraid I'd overdosed when I was simply high, so there were quite a few hospital visits (all of them humiliating and somewhat painful) in a short period of time. Anyway, I ended up in a rehab-type place. It was a total lockdown, though. It was terrible. I got out in February of this year and shortly thereafter continued using drugs. I've done all sorts of things to get high in my life: nutmeg, nitrous from whipped cream cans, a bunch of different pills, and probably more that I can't think of at the moment. And it's not that I feel that I need to get high, it's just that I tend to get immensely bored and seek drugs as a way to escape the boredom, as far as I can tell; however, I often find it hard to know exactly why I do some things.

Now I smoke weed pretty much all the time. Not every day, but whenever there's an opportunity. I'd say once every three or four days on average, but that's just an estimation. When there's no weed, I often get into the medicine cabinet to see what I can find. I like drinking energy drinks for the enhanced mental clarity and subtle "buzz" (if it could be called that) they give me. I don't know why I like getting high so much, but I just find it fun, and often very intriguing. Lately, I've begun thinking that I'm sort of a psychonaut, but ironically, as soon as I "realized" (or simply just thought) this, I stopped feeling the need to take as many notes while high. If I don't use any drugs for a while (besides cigarettes, of course :\) I don't have withdrawal symptoms, besides boredom and a flat-out desire to get high. I'm not addicted to any one drug. But I think I may be addicted to the feeling of having an altered state of consciousness. That's what everyone tells me, and it's beginning to worry me.

What are your guys' thoughts on this? I mean, would you call me an addict?

P.S.: I apologize for such a long post, but I felt I needed to give you the whole story so you could get an idea of how I am. Thanks to anyone who actually reads this andu o replies.
Click to expand...

I felt this exact way for years and my drug use was a lot more intensive than yours. You have an addictive personality and you will learn to deal with and manage it. It all comes down to disregarding your friend's actions despite what they think/say, not acting upon impulsive actions and learning slowly which substance(s) is/are culprits is a key step in moving on past the phase of feeling like the only thing in life which gives you enjoyment is an altered mind. I don't know if you've ever been in love with a girl but this personally was my impactive thing that got me past it. For other friends it was their love of video games, science, traveling and even cooking.

What happens is when you begin regularly taking a drug in today's society and the modern way of human thinking you begin to forget the simpler things that made you happy and content. These strong, artificial emotions begin to take over. If you don't have an addictive personality you quickly become aware of this and cease use but for people like us it is more of a struggle. You need to find something that previously emotionally made you happy and pursue it. I didn't actually pursue my first love, but I instead pursued girls I met and liked instead of dodging them for more drug use. At the moment, cease all unnecessary drug use and if you must use, stick to the one that mentally changes your mind state least. I have a lot more on this topic but as I have work, I'll have to finish tomorrow. Just know that I am only 5 years older than you and I suffered exactly the same way and have overcome it in a far worse situation. You will move past it.
 
hey there, thats how I was in high school. My addiction really took off in my early 20s when i worked as a pharmacy tech. Take it easy NA is cool I like it maybe check out a meeting. if you dont like it u dont have to go back!
 
I'm in agreement with others, you sound like an experimenter & that you may have addictive tendencies. The fact that you haven't moved on to stronger drugs (besides weed) by now, does say something. If you want to cut back your drug use (since you're doing drugs when you're bored) find a hobby, something that; interests you, engages your mind, and takes up time (for me I'm learning another language). And like a previous poster suggested, NA meetings are always helpful.
 
not an addict bro, just young and curious which is totaly normal, if u think uv an addictive personality, be extremley carefull where you tread, Ive no regrets about most of the things ive tried the only ones i do are the ones i did not treat with the due respect they needed... Ul be fine but if you find that the pain is outweighing the pleasure of a said substance, well IMO thats the calling to do something about it. All the best man n stay safe:\
 
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