Clean from Opiates, have weird feelings about other substances

[lightitup]

Hey there. I haven't been on bluelight in a while, but I needed somewhere to talk about this, and NA and my other resources wouldn't quite understand. I have been clean from opiates for 32 days (WOOOOO!!!), and I am incredibly happy about it. It feels great, after being and IV heroin addict for years, being able to not touch a needle (other than blood work ) in that long. Anyway, the things that really helped me getting clean were suboxone, a SHITLOAD of hardwork, and Narcotics Anonymous. I go to a few meetings a week, but don't have a sponsor, or do the steps. The reason I go is to meet other people living clean, be surrounded by the good energy of people who have clean time, and share how I am feeling about getting clean. It really has been incredible, and I love my groups and people who are in them.

The problem is that I still use other drugs, which is against the NA ideology. I smoke marijuana daily, and take benzos as prescribed (although they do not affect me after being on them a year, and taking about 1-2mg a day, never abusing). I don't drink, I don't do anything else, but I still smoke and take my anti-anxiety meds AS NEEDED. Also, I have not taken a psychedelic in about 7 months, but am planning to in September, or possibly earlier. I used to take psychedelics often, but have only about 3 times in the last year and a half and do not think of them as drugs in any way, shape, or form. If anything, they help connect me to the higher power that NA and myself are claiming is saving me from my addiction.

Anyway, the point is, the things that I do (smoke marijuana, take benzodiazepines, and eat/take psychedelics) are against the rules on Narcotics Anonymous. I am fearful to get a sponsor, and begin doing any step work because I don't know how this will fit in, and if I will end up regretting it. Maybe the only option is a personal recovery program, and not a conventional one. It is hard on your own though. 8(

Thanks for any word of advice, I appreciate it!

 

[OverDone]

Well, the way it works in NA is that you can't really do any improvement on character (which is what the Steps are about) until you put the drugs down. Basically, step work would be useless (and a waste of time to your sponsor) if you are still using drugs. NA is based on 'complete abstinence'

There are other things out there that don't have a 'complete abstinence' approach. I'm not personally familiar with them but they are out there. I know someone pointed out a sort of 'management program' for using. I'll try and dig that post up or maybe PM the mod who is familiar with it.

Good luck, man, I get where you're coming from but can't personally offer any experienced advice on the other programs (sorry!)

 

[cj]

You could try the smart program. http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SMART_Recovery

I have never been but I hear good things about it. I didnt like NA much lots of slogans and god stuff plus like you I still do other drugs besides heroin but those drugs namely weed keep me from craving heroin. I personally think recovery is about finding a balance in your life.

 

[OverDone]

I personally think recovery is about finding a balance in your life.

This. Plus, for me, I dig turning my negative patterns/behavior into new positive ones. Its different for everyone

 

[mrs_mia_wallace]

Congratulations on getting clean, that's really great. I'll be five months sober from heroin in two weeks from yesterday (I smoked it, snorted it, and shot it). I've been in programs/rehabs having people telling me to get sober for seven years now, but I've been telling myself to get sober for about a year and a half. And it's been a really long and bumpy ride.

I can't tell you what to do. The truth is I could probably give you twenty medical/spiritual/psycholgical reasons to drop the pot and the benzos and the psychodelics and you might nod and agree, but it won't make a hell of difference to what you do. So I'll tell you my experience-- I have tried to get sober from one drug by using another and it has never worked. I've wound up getting drunk every day, staying up all night because I'm twacked out of my mind on Adderall, or failing class because I'm so stoned on weed I could give a shit. If you're an addict you're mind is wired a certain way and if you can't get your regular fix you will look for something else. Not until you're totally sober will you ever feel the real benefit of it. My boyfriend is also a heroin addict and he tried smoking pot for months after he quit. Obviously he began to live a more manageable life, but it had serious effects. He wasn't as much fun to hang out with because his personality dulled, he was weird about money and never wanted to go out and do anything, he became very secretive. And when I tried to stop using heroin by drinking, I was passing out every night, leaving him bored and watching TV alone. It's amazing how much fun it is to be sober with someone else. After so many years of thinking it was impossible to socialize with someone unless drugs or alcohol were on the table, I feel like I'm actually living my life-- remember it, enjoying it, and loving it.

Getting sober has forced me to grow as a person and I'm better for doing it and dealing with all the shit that came up with it. Granted, I have drank on a couple of special occasions (one glass of wine two months ago and a glass of champagne last weekend) and I hate NA/AA, I feel like I've stepped off a carousel and living, not just watching the world through pinprick pupils, and it's amazing.

(note: I'm not talking about suboxone. I'm on suboxone myself and it has been a god-send!)

 

[suessmayr]

It's amazing how much fun it is to be sober with someone else.

I like this ^.

Is the OP still on suboxone then? I hate to be a buzz kill, but you're hardly 'off' opiates if you're still on suboxone!

Do you feel like you could cope without pot and the benzos? Benzos are incredibly nasty and although I think that recovery is about 'graded exposure', I also think that getting out of life what truly sober people describe is virtually impossible with benzos. In my view they're just too convenient and addictive. So if you feel like you can manage without them I'd definitely have a crack.