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What is the value of encountering people irreconcilably different from oneself?

MyDoorsAreOpen

MyDoorsAreOpen

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Getting along with people is hard, and takes constant work. I think this is a real bitter pill for a lot of people to swallow, and at the same time is a fact of life that is always accepted and integrated in the transformation from adolescence to mature adulthood. We all have to eventually face the fact that we cannot change other people, and there will always be plenty of people who do not agree with you, do not relate to you, and have no potential to be your friend.

I think a lot of the value in encountering people who differ irreconcilably from us on a regular basis is this very role in tempering a mature world outlook. But here's the thing -- this is always something I've just known intuitively. Very strongly, but purely intuitively. Can anyone expound a bit more on this process, and explain logically how this works?

Also, does encountering people who are very different have other value you can think of besides this?
 
MyDoorsAreOpen said:
What is the value of encountering people irreconcilably different from oneself?
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Firstly, though I knew you mean in terms of personality, I must say a male meeting a female and vice versa is just that. irreducible opposites in human form.

In a world that, in my opinion, is about mediating synthesis, the purpose of meeting someone whose personality is not reducible to yours and irreconcilable to yours is for you to manage a space in your repertoire of mannerisms that gives it space to be without needing to connect with it. This allows for it to possibly teach you or them something if ever the time does come that shows or allows a kink in that impenetrable difference to manifest, and if it never does, then to tolerate the idea that everything needn't interact in an accepting or resolving dynamic with you for you to accept it (or accept not accepting it).
 
mdoa, i'm surprised at you with this one. how can friendship ever be so hopeless?

example, one of my best mates is an avid dawkins fan and is pretty militant against anything even remotely theist, yet we've never had a disagreement. we've never been even remotely cross with one another. we are fundamentally opposed.

i can hold armslength friendships with people, but that does not mean i can't be friendly to them. nothing is irreconcilable.
 
Having just returned from Thailand, back to the land of milk and honey (USA), I can say that encountering and interacting with people totally different is a valuable experience, to say the least. Mostly, living among or learning from people unlike you provides you with invaluable perspective. Secondly, I think this perspective acts as some sort of mediating force: think of it like a Venn diagram. On one extreme end is you, on the other is the stranger. Through exposure to each other's habit, ways of thinking, lifestyle-- everything-- each side of the diagram begins to come together in the middle. This migration towards the middle, to me, represents the perfecting of culture, thinking, lifestyles, etc... If everyone had access to this perspective, the world would be a much nicer place.

On the other hand, this melding towards the middle would dissolve the greatest and worst things about individuals and cultures-- for better or worse.
 
Surely irreconcilable differences means power struggle in this context ?
That being the case there is value if you carefully study what is being played out & how.
The value will be that you may learn something.
 
It's fun, if nothing else. I have that 'one corporatist (Republican, were I an American) friend', with whom I love having debates. A chance to bounce your ideas off of someone who is not sympathetic can help strengthen them by having to defend them, and can help you learn by seeing drastically different points of view and associate them with non-demonized personae. Preferably over a pint.

That said, most of my close friends are of a similar mind on nearly all subjects. Birds of a feather, and all that.
 
i can hold armslength friendships with people, but that does not mean i can't be friendly to them. nothing is irreconcilable.
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what if a belief is written into a person's brain in early childhood, and there is no hope of engaging the belief in conversation, and the belief is irreconcilable with certain kinds of people (e.g. black as an example)?
 
I think associating with people of fundamentally different beliefs and values is important, because it opens up an opportunity for you to rethink your OWN values, and perhaps to redefine your worldview in a positive way.

To put it another way, if you only associate with people of ONE culture, then you start to take those cultural ideas for granted, and you begin to see them as the objective truth rather than human perspective.
 
MyDoorsAreOpen said:
Also, does encountering people who are very different have other value you can think of besides this?
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Really interesting question, from here, particularly if their "negative habits" seem ingrained and intractable, and they won't listen even to gentle advice.

I think it does have value. As one changes oneself, one's entire outlook changes and even words are interpreted differently. So it's valuable at least in order to see one's own changing outlook on such people.
 
qwe said:
what if a belief is written into a person's brain in early childhood, and there is no hope of engaging the belief in conversation, and the belief is irreconcilable with certain kinds of people (e.g. black as an example)?
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so be it, so let it be.

friends don't change friends. everyone has their own path, all it takes is a little respect to get along quite fine and easily.

therefore, you're wrong, so change! ;) :p
 
friends don't change friends. everyone has their own path, all it takes is a little respect to get along quite fine and easily.
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but some people's biologies (molded from their DNA and their life experiences, esp. early childhood or traumas or other "flashbulb" experiences) don't permit them to have that respect. the "us-vs-them" mode of interpretation can become so extreme that you literally cannot meet the person in order to get the value of meeting them. (and it would be valuable.)
 
I don't think I've met a person that I couldn't relate to in some way. Every person I meet, I see qualities of myself in them and can begin to see what events in their life caused them to become different than me. Even the most wicked people I can empathize with, as their flaws highlight developmental missteps.

Awareness of humanity is what I'd say the main benefit of this understanding is. You can only understand society once you understand the broad range of its inhabitants, including the causes of them being the way they are, and the effects their presence has on the future.
 
qwe said:
but some people's biologies (molded from their DNA and their life experiences, esp. early childhood or traumas or other "flashbulb" experiences) don't permit them to have that respect. the "us-vs-them" mode of interpretation can become so extreme that you literally cannot meet the person in order to get the value of meeting them. (and it would be valuable.)
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if the other is conditioned to be so irrationally against you (for whatever reason) then you can either
1- be the bigger man and respect their condition
2- call them out for their irrationality

for former may lead to a relationship where your advice is more well received, the latter is likely to reinforce their prejudices.
 
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