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relapse/withdrawal

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dtheripper

Greenlighter
Joined
Apr 19, 2011
Messages
13
24 yrs old...recently had my first child and really wanting to get off these opiates for good, but I love them so much. I was using up to 80mg of opana ER daily nasal. I've got subs, but don't want to get dependent on them, I use those when just absolutely neccessary. I guess what im really lookin for here is motivation to keep going. Help dealing with the boredom and depression. I want so bad to get over this b/c if it keeps on, it will eventually take my wife and kids and my entire bank account. I just want to be clean and happy. But the feeling of railing an opana in the back of my mind keeps me from being "happy". Im fairly new here and if im the wrong place im sorry, just an addict looking for help/motivation/assurance etc.....anything helpful.

Thanks people
 
I know alot of people use suboxone as a crutch but its just trading one poison for another. The motivation shouldbe your family. We all know dope addicts put the drugs as #1 on their list. Do you really want your family to always be #2? Thats pretty selfish. You brought a child into this world, so you cant afford to just think about your own needs as priority #1 anymore. Its time to ween off no matter how shitty it will feel and just stop getting high if you cant have any moderation. Theres nothing wrong with living a sober life, you lived a sober life before you knew what drugs even were and eventually you have to go back to that since thats the natural order of things. Your family should be #1. If you have to walk across fire to get food for your child, you should be prepared to do the same to stop using drugs no matter how shitty you will feel when you first quit. Living sober isnt the end of the world and eventually youll feel better and have less regrets. You can do it, you just have to really fight for it and want to do it like your life depends on it.

And you're not supposed to love inanimate or material objects or the feelings they give you. Thats only for people and living beings.
 
You're exactly right, my family is my #1 motivation. Im in it for the long haul to finally end this addiction. I think its just the depression that comes along with w/d that kills me. I feel like a peice of shit for even starting opiates and even having to put my family through it. They have no idea about the addiction, but just me knowing what im doing behind their back kills me. But its so nice to have forums like these where there's people you can talk to. It really helps me more than anything. Thanks
 
'And you're not supposed to love inanimate or material objects or the feelings they give you. Thats only for people and living beings.'

you can have a love afiar with substances.
 
Just wish I could moderate and do some roxi or opana one weekend a month, but just don't think my personality will allow it
 
Do you have anybody that does know about your situation that you can use as a support network? It's also helpful to at least have somewhat of a plan. A list of things to do when you are bored, a list of people to call when you are depressed, a daily routine scheduled, etc.

I don't really see much difference in the way people will have an infatuation with a substance or with a person. In most cases the underlying feeling is the same and any object/person can be used in this way. Your "object of infatuation" just happens to cause obvious signs of withdrawal when you try to give it up. But watch somebody who just had broke up with a perceived "soul-mate" and their despair can appear just as intense as drug withdrawal. When I went to rehab breaking up with my girlfriend at the time was much more difficult/painful than stopping drug use.

You certainly don't have to go to use subs if that's not the approach you want to take. Nothing wrong with using them if it is something that is helpful and allows you to find some balance.

Welcome and good luck :)
 
Yeah, but the only people that know about the addiction are my 2 close friends that are addicted as well. Im the only one of us married with a newborn, but were all kinda in the same situation. I've told them that we can go through this together and be support for each other, but every other week its one us relapsing. I've got a kid to save college $ for, plus saving $ for myself and family. Im blessed with a good job and a great family, but not good enough job to afford opanas the rest of my life lol. I just have to take it head own and fight through it for my son. Just time to man up and do it....bottom line
 
dtheripper said:
I think its just the depression that comes along with w/d that kills me. I feel like a peice of shit for even starting opiates and even having to put my family through it.
Click to expand...

I wouldnt put too much thought into feeling bad for even starting on opitates. What is done is done. Just look forward, and you cant hang out with old friends who do the same thing. Its like a recovering alcoholic going to the bar to hang with his old buddies while he tells himself he wont drink. We all know how that turns out. You used to live life before getting high, theres no reason you cant go back to the natural order of things. I know you cant compare this to opiates but the mindset is what im getting at, I used to smoke cigs for 7 years and I quit when I turned 21 and havnt smoked even 1 since 1999. Its all about just putting it out of your mind, you really dont need it and just focus on the future and how much more money you will have and how much stronger you will be as well as healthier. Your family will appreciate it even if they dont know of your addiction.
 
strongheart nailed it :)
(in post#10, i don't agree w/ all of the earlier post.. subs are definitely trading one poison for another - BUT, given the nature of oxy v bupe, it's quite a solid trade. the relapse rate on ppl quitting oxy is quite higher than bupe, and EVEN IF you have to stay on bupe for your entire life to stay off oxy, so what? sure, it's got some cons, but you cannot even compare that to a fast-acting opiate addiction. you already having the bupe on-hand is really useful, only thing i'd say, and this is if you can't get more subs <even if you can!>, is to decide on quitting, dump the opana's, break contact w/ the ppl you know who use given the rates of relapse there, and go for it. i'd go cold turkey as long as i could tolerate it reasonably, then start a low-dose of sub (as low as possible!!), bump it a little bit if need be, and once stabilized on bupe, start to taper off of that. just "going for it" and cold turkeying makes your rates of relapse FLY upward, quitting opiates is rarely something ppl can do quickly+successfully, it's one or the other IME)
hanging with those guys sounds like a guarantee for failure. i've seen more than my fair share of those types of situations, sometimes the relapses are genuine, but more often than not it's almost a "using when you shouldn't be support group", with ppl enabling each other. you relapse this week, he relapses next week, etc etc and it just goes on and on.
regardless of what your job can afford, it's almost guaranteed never gonna keep up with an addiction. only addicted folks who can get <close to>what they want are dealers from what i've seen :| even if your job paid 3X as much, starting right now, you'll get to the point you're using all of that on opes, it's not like "if i can just get X pills/day, then i'll be satiated and won't wanna get more".
 
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Sanger- I've had thatt convo countless time...would much rather take the cons of being on sub forever than just using it as a tool to keep from getting sick until I score. But thats not what I want. When subs are in the right dedicated hands, they can do wonders and I've proven that before when I quit with really minimal withdrawals.

Strongheart. Right on with you too. All I can do now is forget about the past and only look forward, and in a matter of time; when I have a substantial amount of time clean, I can sit and be proud of myself for the HUGE hill (opiate addiction) that I climbed and conquered. I took my first sub this morn, but only 1mg of film, it just gives you a taste of being normal again, but im ready for this sa,e feeling without meds! Thanks for everyones input. Means so much to have people to relate to on here. If people in my circle and job network/community knew, it would just be a mess. So grateful for this site. Thanks!
 
I too am going through opiate withdrawal. It sucks this I know. Look up "Thomas Recipe" online. It has really helped me. It is specifically for opiate withdrawal. Im about 3weeks in...have had several "cheating" episdoes. However, I am holding strong. I am over the physical wd, and am dealing with really bad anxiety. I feel okay for a little bit, then really tired, then really bad anxiety. But, this is improvment from how I was feeling. It doesnt happen overnight. I wish I could just take some so bad, but I know I cant. I love all drugs too, and want so bad to take or snort anything to help me. But, I have been down the path of so many other addictions that I feel it best to hold off until this is over. Once we can feel "normal" again, then maybe decide from there. Your not alone, though. This may sound really bad, but get off alot. Im serious! This will be the only time you may feel really good for the 1st wk or 2. But, seriously whats a few weeks of pure hell compared to years of happiness and freedom? Ive started feeling better. The PAWS I think can last up to 3months (anxiety,ect). Look into it. Good Luck! If you need to message me, I am here for support! I know EXACTLY what your going through!
 
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