problem with saying no.

[Up And DOWN]

Recently i went to a party, went there with the intention to take one Ecstasy cap and maybe smoke some weed. so i did this, a few hours roll by and someone offers me a line of cocaine. i was at that time sweating profusely, and i knew right then i couldnt handle it at the time. so i told him i would pass. also he was someone i'd never seen and i didnt have a clue if his shit was clean.

anyways, a little while goes by and a friend offers and i accept a bowl of hash/weed. i was on the way down and i thought the night would be over soon, was dead tired from raving and the heat of a giant bonfire, was starting to make some questionable decisions.

more party and a few gulps of Captain Morgan later i was drunk, stoned, rolling, and dumb. another guy comes up to me and asks if he can use a dollar bill, in his hand was a book with 2 lines of cocaine on it. he does one and tells me to do the other one for letting him use my $1 bill. this guy is part of the family of friends i party with, so i gladly accept.

now, i was given everything except the 1 roll i took with me because i was the DJ for the party. so i'm at my computer finding a song and i start to feel REALLY bad. sweating the worst of the whole night, hotter than hell even though it was raining and i was nauseous totally about to lose it. went out into the rain and stuck my head between my legs and thought about kissing my ass goodbye. i felt like i was going to die, not really the level i wanted to be at. i threw up all of the captain and water that was in my stomach along with a bunch of the coke. this continued for an hour or so.

i drank as much water as i could find and stayed in the rain to try to lower my temperature, finally i was able to open my eyes without the world spinning into oblivion and i managed to sober up.

i know mixing cocaine an ecstasy was a terrible idea, but it was like a reaction to do the line. i really don't think that i took even a second to think about the second offer. this is a recurring theme in my life, i don't feel that i am addicted to any one substance. rather addicted to abusing goodies in general.

 

[Ds]

do u want to stop doing all drugs? what are u still holding on to want to do those drugs? have you told your friends that your trying to get sober? Try telling on yourself as hard as it sounds, let people around you know that your trying to do the right thing, and if they really are your friend then they wont be offering u coke n shit.(after knowing your trying to get clean).

I enjoyed drugs because they got me high, as simple as that. no there really wasn't some big dramatic thing in my life that got me shooting dope, really spun out of curiosity. It wasn't to long after experimenting with coke that I began to put it in a needle.

If i were u(while in my active addiction), id ask that guy with the coke to scrape the line that he was going to give me in the back of my syringe, or in a business card so i can casually stroll to the bathroom and do a shot. how fucked up is that? talk about sticking out like a sore thumb in a crowd.

Don't think just because ur not on the needle that your drug use isn't that bad. I cant tell you what you can or cant do, I can tell you that these emotions that your feeling right now is going to lead you to either in the ground or long-term clean time. Hopefully you chose the right path and can move on .

hang n there man, its not the end of the world. just don't do it again!

 

[OverDone]

Doesn't sound like you have a problem saying 'no'. It simply sounds like your decision making abilities get compromised when you are under the influence. That's how it affects most of us. We get 'fucked up' and I'm assuming there is a reason that we use that phrase.

For me, once I take that first one, all bets are off and anything goes. Its all about getting more. I don't think I'm unique in this type of reactionary behavior.

 

[LadyLucid]

Is there stuff going on in your personal life? If you're not settled enough by the ride you were already taking before the line, it makes sense when you want to just static out what's going through your head. Consequences seem distant in "drowning your sorrows" type situations. I was just offering an idea, that it's not a control issue inherent in you, if this is the case.

 

[suessmayr]

I think it's very important to distinguish between (1) vague, emotional imperatives like "I just can't get wasted tonight", and (2) well thought-out decisions supported by reasons. Alot of people are thinking on some level that they shouldn't get wasted but actually feeling that it's ok or that it's what they most want. I think that we need to be realistic in goal-setting, and that to expect to actually resist the urge you need to have thought through in great detail how you want your night to go and why.

For a long time I would always say on friday "ok, no drugs this weekend", but deep down I knew that there was little at stake as I wasn't actually addicted to anything, and also that what I really wanted was to get wasted, and that if the opportunity arose I would go for it. So I'm not saying that you shouldn't attempt to stay clean if this situation describes you, but that you should do the thinking beforehand and be honest with yourself.

 

[Up And DOWN]

Is there stuff going on in your personal life? If you're not settled enough by the ride you were already taking before the line, it makes sense when you want to just static out what's going through your head. Consequences seem distant in "drowning your sorrows" type situations. I was just offering an idea, that it's not a control issue inherent in you, if this is the case.

last february i split up with my wife, at that time i had only smoked weed and abused the script for the vicodin i got when my wisdom teeth were pulled.

this was true untill october of last year when i found friends that partied harder and i started to try everything i could get my hands on. all varieties of meth both pharmacutical and cooked, real good weed, molly, X, coke, DMT, MDPV, LSD, psylocibic mushrooms, opium, hash. it all became so easy to find for me that i've pretty much blown every paycheck i've had since then on something stupid. i'm stagnant in life. i dont really have any longterm goals that i'm able think of. i live with my dad rent free, my car broke so i have to use thiers. i've slipped and i dont know how to stand up again.

 

[LadyLucid]

i found friends that partied harder and i started to try everything i could get my hands on... i'm stagnant in life. i dont really have any longterm goals that i'm able think of... i've slipped and i dont know how to stand up again.

Using the lifestyle to cope can definitely ruin direction in your life if it's indulged so frequently. I wouldn't tell you to just cut off these friends and clean up, but try some self improvement step by step. If you don't exercise, try jogging in the afternoon before you go out and party. You'll be very pleasantly surprised to feel some of that aimlessness/lack of confidence resolve itself over time if you continue into some sort of healthy outlet (you can still party, just make time for it and you will see a difference).
Running is a great thing to do because it gives you all this time to just be in your own head. I've gone through so many of my personal problems with a quick couple of miles around the blocks.

I mean, that's just one example, but I really think you should try to incorporate some change in your daily life. Who knows, it might inspire you or cause you to meet someone who could help you in your future.X