How to tell when you start becoming an addict?

[Stay.Blazed.420]

i've been doing hydromorphones as much as i can lately. I binged on them everyday (literally) for just over 2 weeks straight. Before that I was doing them every few days or so...

I stopped abruptly because my connection went camping for 5 days. At first I was fine, the first day i was like 'wtf why didn't you tell me you were leaving?' and i was kind of fiending for them but the next 4 days after that i felt fine. Then I text him on the day he's supposed to be back and he says he won't be back until halfway through august. Again i'm like 'wtf why didn't you stock me up i coulda sent you with an extra 100 or 200 bucks for your trip'. After this I start fiending pretty bad. I went and extracted an entire bottle of t1's (which had 400mg codeine and 750mg caffeine) and felt a good buzz. Then I was callin around asking if anyone knew anybody or where to find them.. Eventually on saturday late at night a guy who knew my connect had 30mg left so i bought it and shared with my friends. I gave 6mg to one friend (he was fucked up), then 5mg to the other friend (also got really fucked up) and then i did 8mg (and got really high but not nearly as fucked as them)..

Now i've done it everyday since that night on saturday and i have 8mg left.. I dunno what i'm gonna do.. <snip>I dunno if i'm becoming an addict but I really want this guy to hurry up and get back to town.

 

[HeWhoHowls]

If you have legitimate fears, then that should be enough to motivate you to come to an end.
It really sounds like you occupy your time doing drugs cuz your bored n got nothing else to do.
If this is true, I suggest you get out n do shit n keep busy; I find that to be a productive distraction while my body's getting back to normal.

 

[Legerity]

People define addiction differently. I don't think there is a clear-cut division between addicted/non-addicted; there are many levels of use and abuse. What matters most is how it is affecting you and what your own goals for yourself are.

If you want to stop getting high then there are specific actions you can take. But if you want to continue what you're doing then it doesn't really make much of a difference to speculate whether you are an addict or not.

 

[Stay.Blazed.420]

I don't really care if i quit. I pay next to nothing for them and i love working, hanging out with friends, gaming, or doing anything really while i'm high. Yeah i can stand to work not being high, but it's way better if i am high. I love working high.

I'm not really scared if i'm becoming an addict, because i'm only got to do these while i have a connect and i know it's not going to stick around forever. I don't really want to quit either nor is it holding me back in life.

 

[Legerity]

What is it that you are concerned about if you are content with your current lifestyle?

 

[HeWhoHowls]

I don't really care if i quit. I pay next to nothing for them and i love working, hanging out with friends, gaming, or doing anything really while i'm high. Yeah i can stand to work not being high, but it's way better if i am high. I love working high.

I'm not really scared if i'm becoming an addict, because i'm only got to do these while i have a connect and i know it's not going to stick around forever. I don't really want to quit either nor is it holding me back in life.

Its almost impossible to predict how thngs will be for you in the future.
Hydros got a hold of you already, although it is a small grip right now, it really can get outta control too fast; all depends on how you act about this situation.
So what if its convenient n cheap??
You are still under the control of this stuff.
We all love doing thngs high n shit, but priorities should always be put ahead of pleasure; sounds like you got a big priority here, dnt let it become bigger.
You should be scared.
There will always be connects holding your leash n dragging you through the mud wether you like it or not.
Besides, a 2week binge wouldnt be enough to determine wether you can control yourself or not; it really sounds like you cant since you decided to go search for a high while the hydromorphones were unavailable.
2weeks dwn.
Then 2months fly by.
Boom, lifetime of regret for not taking care of a problem while it was easy to squash.


Even if you truely dnt feel like its got you already, use this as future reference.
Cuz this shit aint gonna stay a "want" for long, its gonna grow into a "need".

 

[Stay.Blazed.420]

I'm concerned if i'm already showing symptoms of an addict and on whether other people would suggest stopping my use. Yes i'm content with my lifestyle but i don't want to become a dope addict.. How long can i keep this up before i gotta worry? Or should i already be worrying?

 

[HeWhoHowls]

I'm concerned if i'm already showing symptoms of an addict and on whether other people would suggest stopping my use. Yes i'm content with my lifestyle but i don't want to become a dope addict.. How long can i keep this up before i gotta worry? Or should i already be worrying?

You definitely shouldn't be asking others how you feel.
You can only keep it up til you start worrying.
Its your life, be the master of it.
You control every aspect of your being.
You know if your worried.
Now tell me, are you worried??

 

[Stay.Blazed.420]

You definitely shouldn't be asking others how you feel.
You can only keep it up til you start worrying.
Its your life, be the master of it.
You control every aspect of your being.
You know if your worried.
Now tell me, are you worried??

Yes i am worried of becoming a full blown dope addict. I love hydromorphone more than i love myself though

 

[HeWhoHowls]

I love hydromorphone more than i love myself though

Then love yourself more.
As rediculous as it sounds to magnify your love for somethng, you see the good within it n appreciate it.
You have an unlimited well of love inside of you that cant run out, use it my friend.

 

[Stay.Blazed.420]

Yeah i just don't love myself more. I'm hopelessly depressed and miserable about every aspect of my life.. Knowing when i wake up that i get to get high again... That's a great feeling. Knowing i just have another shitty day ahead of me, and i can't even fall back asleep.

 

[HeWhoHowls]

Yeah i just don't love myself more. I'm hopelessly depressed and miserable about every aspect of my life.. Knowing when i wake up that i get to get high again... That's a great feeling. Knowing i just have another shitty day ahead of me, and i can't even fall back asleep.

Nothings hopeless so long as your alive.
When you change your outlook, you change your perception of the world, thus changing how the universe acts upon you.
The world doesnt offer any obstacle that cant be overcome.
Shitty day ahead of you??
Do soemthng about it!
Its only a shitty day to you, that can only mean that you are ruining your own day.
You dnt deserve that.

 

[Stay.Blazed.420]

i can tell you're very philosophical but life just sucks right now and i'm doing my best to deal with it instead of killing myself.

 

[Legerity]

Have you tried making any changes in your life, or worked on changing your thoughts/feelings to maybe see your current life in a different way? Even if you do not stop getting high immediately you can begin to look for other sources of satisfaction in the meantime. Drugs in themselves can't provide lasting peace of mind.

 

[HeWhoHowls]

Have you tried making any changes in your life, or worked on changing your thoughts/feelings to maybe see your current life in a different way? Even if you do not stop getting high immediately you can begin to look for other sources of satisfaction in the meantime. Drugs in themselves can't provide lasting peace of mind.

Idk if I was being too abstract or somethng, but thats the meat n potatoes of what I have been saying.

Well put tho, Legerity, couldn't agree more.

i can tell you're very philosophical but life just sucks right now and i'm doing my best to deal with it instead of killing myself.

Life doesnt suck.
Your outlook on life sucks.
Big difference, but there is somethng you can do about it.

 

[cj]

Look around the forums read some of the posts from us junkies does it sound like fun? I dont wanna be a sensationalist DARE spewing idiot but man stop while you can it WILL ruin your life. I know my life went from normal poly drug abuse to stealing from my parents my friends anyone I had to to get my fix. I tried to kill myself 3 times my parents spent 4000 on rehab none of my friends speak to me anymore. After all that im now on sub maintenance and will most likely need to stay on opiates for the rest of my life just so i can function im fucking 22. Just think about it your on a drug message board and we are all screaming stop we dont know you not your mom most of us have been down the road you are embarking on and we are yelling slow down. Think about it.

 

[paranoid android]

I was addicted to hydromorphone quite heavily for a year or so and i was also shooting them. My advice would be to stop right the fuck now! Trust me you don't want to see how far down the rabbit hole goes. A opiate addiction is not fun and it's very easy to turn into a full blown junkie on dilaudid. Do you want to reach the point where you have to take the stuff every 6 hours or you get sick? Do you want to have to prep your gear before you go to sleep because you will be too sick to do it in the morning?

That was me sure sounds fun now don't it? 8)

 

[J.Wallace]

Right now, you seem to be at the very beginning. When I first started taking Opiates, I started on Hydro's as well, taking one or two 7.5mg a day just to feel a nice buzz. Then I slowly started taking them in the morning before I got to my GED class, then another two after I got out of class. I was basically using them to keep me from being depressed and to open up more, to be more social and talkative in class. We, as drug users, tend to give ourselves excuses, almost anything just to rationalize taking a drug. It became a ritual almost, I'd wake up, shower in anticipation of taking that 15mg and heading off to class. I'd listen to music on the bus ride there, and I'd feel amazing. Then I'd wait to get out of class to take another two. It was a nice calming high, and I enjoyed it for what it was doing to me, making me more open and acceptable of the things around me.

Slowly though, I began to need those 15mg in the morning, and soon enough I couldn't wait till after class to take the second dose of 15mg, I'd go to the bathroom and pop them halfway through. It became a habit of mine, taking them as soon as I came down from the previous dose. I never really did more than 4 or 5 in a whole day until I got out of my GED class. I was home most of the time, bored. I'd spend my time smoking bud and dosing Hydro's to cure my boredom. I had nothing better to do really, I was a high school drop out, no job, and months before I was scheduled to take my GED exam.

I found myself rationalizing my drug use often. I was morally fine with smoking bud. It's an herb, it's from this earth, I firmly believe it should be legal, I had no inner conflict with that. However, I did find an inner conflict in taking Opiates. None of my friends did them, I was the only one. I'd never tell them about it, and slowly I began to feel guilt over my use of these pain killers. I was taking them daily with no end in sight. I had no reason to stop, I tried to give myself reasons, but I just kept rationalizing why I should keep taking them.

Then I tried a 30mg Oxycodone blue. This was my downfall. I fell in love instantly. I could take two or three blues and not feel any stomach pain from extra acetaminophen. I gave up taking Hydro's, only when I ran out of Blue's. To make a long story short, I ended up taking these daily as well, for almost a full year. Slowly started at 30, sometimes 60mg in a day at tops, till I reached upwards to 150mg a day just to feel a slight high. I ended up quitting cold turkey, and they still haunt me to this day. I'm constantly looking for a new high, something to get a buzz off of. I even found myself raiding an old expired medicine cabinet, taking Fentanyl and Morphine for a buzz, and I'd never touched the stuff before. When that ran out, I went for some Lyrica just cause it was there and heard I could get a buzz. Sure enough, I did, but it was never worth it. None of it ever matched the high from a 30mg blue.

In the end, you are at the start of an addiction. You probably find yourself rationalizing you're use, brushing off any reason you should quit. This addiction is not fun to experience. It's deadly, and will diminish you're health faster than you can imagine. I wish you the best of luck, and hope my story may help you change you're mind about being so careless about you're opiate intake. Seriously, be careful and take care of yourself.

 

[suessmayr]

You are becoming an addict if you are asking yourself "am I becoming an addict"!

 

[Stay.Blazed.420]

ok i saved myself 1.5-2mg for tomorrow (so when i wake up i have something nice to look forward to) but after that i'm not going to look for opiates again until my connect comes back (2+ weeks) and even then I will limit myself to a maximum of 3 uses per week and if i start craving a fourth use then that will be my sign to slow down and take another break.

Does this sound like a solid plan? i don't want to lose opiates forever.. Especially hydromorphones.. They're too awesome.