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SLR Moderators: Senior Staff
Describe your love life:)
- Thread starter QuasiModo
- Start date
Lysis
Bluelighter
Oh, there are definitely some awesome younger guys. They are usually really smart, calm and fun to be around. It's just so rare to find a guy in his early 20s who is like that.
mikemikenj
Bluelighter
I agree. Can't stand people who don't believe in bisexuality, but thats a whole another topic. I can go in depth but I feel connected more on men in relationships then women. Used to the testosterone and such way of dealing with things i'm starting to see. But girls are still quite fun to mess around with.
I'm the exact opposite.. I haven't actually attempted a relationship with a male, probably never will. I love having a woman by my side, one I can trust and who trusts me. Being devoted to sharing love with one female is all I could ever ask for, emotionally and sexually. My male relationships may always be just friends and I'm 100% GREAT with that never changing lol.. That being said, if I'm single and a fucking hot guy wants to fuck around I'm probably down, passable trannies especially.. Tho I've only met haggard skinny boy twinks who are seriously mentally ill try and pass themselves off as women..
Agreed on bisexualities thriving existence however
Agreed on bisexualities thriving existence however
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eternalDamnation
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jun 19, 2011
- Messages
- 74
the love of my life seems to be "rox-anne" havent made love to my wife in two yrs. havent shared the same bed in 4 yrs. i sleep on the damn couch . oxy has seemed to zap my interest in her/sex.
although she did sneak attack a blowjob on me couple weeks ago. maybe she wanted to see if i was still "potent"? i responded as normal it felt wonderful to release after so long.... i honestly dont know why she stays with me and couldnt fault her for leaving me. but i cant blame it all on oxy we have other issues.our personalities clash bigtime. hard to innitiate sex when you harbor bad feelings towards your partner....
although she did sneak attack a blowjob on me couple weeks ago. maybe she wanted to see if i was still "potent"? i responded as normal it felt wonderful to release after so long.... i honestly dont know why she stays with me and couldnt fault her for leaving me. but i cant blame it all on oxy we have other issues.our personalities clash bigtime. hard to innitiate sex when you harbor bad feelings towards your partner....
How do you feel about that? Does it upset you that you don't want to make love to her? Do you speak to her about it? I can only imagine how much it may upset her.
Would you rather be single?
I can't imagine ever staying in a relationship simply because. If there is no sexual bond, no personality attraction and nothing in common then why stay together? It's not fair to either of you. I totally understand your dilemma , but it's really quite a shame for her, that she feels she has to sneak some form of sexual intimacy to you.
Would you rather be single?
I can't imagine ever staying in a relationship simply because. If there is no sexual bond, no personality attraction and nothing in common then why stay together? It's not fair to either of you. I totally understand your dilemma , but it's really quite a shame for her, that she feels she has to sneak some form of sexual intimacy to you.
Lysis
Bluelighter
I'm with attempt. I'd love to hear more about Dave and eternal's situation.
@Dave, is it by choice?
@eternal, I can't even imagine what that's like. I don't understand why you guys stay together.
@Dave, is it by choice?
@eternal, I can't even imagine what that's like. I don't understand why you guys stay together.
Not really, no. Long story short: social anxiety and avoidant personality led to a lot of isolation during a critical time of social development, which, when coupled with severe negative self-esteem did not make such things possible. Now those aspects are removed, but I'm so far behind in my social development that it has become in and of itself a source of anxiety.
It's something that I'm (slowly) working to overcome, but it isn't easy. I mostly have difficulty approaching people and initiating conversation.
It's something that I'm (slowly) working to overcome, but it isn't easy. I mostly have difficulty approaching people and initiating conversation.
eternalDamnation
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jun 19, 2011
- Messages
- 74
what can i say we have just drifted apart. i had alot of problems with my bitch-in-law in the early part of our marriage. we moved to another state and she didnt speak to her mother for 5-6 yrs. and we got along fine. last yr my wifes younger brother( 22 yr old )was in a car wreck and was crippled neck down.
my wife went back to her moms for a month and i got used to being by myself. and when she came back she brought her mother with her(not phsyically but the bitch is back in our lives and causing trouble. constantly talking my wife into leaving me and moving back in with her.
i dunno i would have left yrs ago but we have children i often said i would leave when my kids are grown. my youngest just turned 16 and im beginning to convince myself that he is grown.... i am not happy in this damn marriage.
honestly i cringe when my wife comes near me i fear she will try and hug or kiss me. isnt that awful? i told her 5-6 months ago that i didnt love her anymore she cried and went to her moms for awhile but came back. we both seem content to just be roomates! i really wanna move on meet another women that im compatable with and have children yes i want more kids and my wife is unable to have any more. i dont want to live the rest of my life unhappy! MISERABLE! Not sure why i just dont leave. i guess because i know when i leave my wife will move across country to her moms and lose/sell the house.
my son really likes his school i would hate for him to be uprooted i am trying to hang in there until he finishes school ..
That's really heavy, eternaldamnation. I can't imagine how that would feel.
I don't know where to begin: I guess I must commend you on your care for your kids. That's a truly admirable respect for your children's well-being there. If only more parents gave as much of a damn.
I'm not going to try and pretend I can tell you what to do. I'm only just 21, what do I know right? I just feel the urge to discuss this with you, it feels like you need to vent this.
All I will say is this:
Children are not only extremely absorbent of situations around them, but they often reflect their upbringing in their own lives. I grew up watching my father abuse my mother (aswell as myself but not my brother as he was of different paternity) and cheat on her then fuck off when I was 10.
This undoubtedly skewered my view of relationships, given that I haven't had a proper relationship ever.
My misanthropic stance on relationships (all are doomed to failure) is viewed by some as unnecessarily bleak, but that's how I feel.
How much of this I learned from what I witnessed is up for debate.
What I'm getting at is your children undoubtedly are aware of the coldness and lack of love between you and your wife.
This could potentially be more harmful than just executing a cordial and harmonious breakup.
How much of this have you discussed with your wife? I imagine that you haven't really told her in depth all of how you feel. Is there some way she could stay in that house, perhaps with your Custody payment?
The only thing I can really say is have a sit down with your wife. How would you feel if she fulfilled her desire elsewhere? You said you two are happy to be room-mates. Would you let her date other men in order to see her happy? This could prove toxic to the development of your children you may worry, however they are at a fairly mature age to handle such things and they may even prefer it. I know my brother prefer's my mother's new husband and was happier with the split of my parents. They are almost finished school anyway, it wouldn't be such a massive blow if you two split.
If there are no options whatsoever other than to stay with your wife, then at least it's an extremely short while, but tbh mate, you've put up with misery and now that your youngest is 16, I feel that it's time you GAVE YOURSELF HAPPINESS NOW.
My personal dogmatic view on this is that you should sit the wife down first and explain that you are absolutely miserable, perhaps show her your posts here. Try and work something out with regards to keeping the kids in school for the remaining very short time.
Then sit the family down and explain that it's for the best. Tell them that you stayed with them for as long as you felt necessary for their development and stability, but it's for the best if you moved on, you won't stop loving them and will always be there for them because they are your kids.
Be open, honest and communicate.
THAT IS MERELY MY OPINION. I am not telling you to split up with your family, as it's really not my place to do that. Just stating what I would do if you have made up your mind.
I wish you all the best in this tricky situation. But remember, no matter what option you choose (leave now or stick it out another couple years) that YOU WILL BE FREE AT SOME POINT IN THE FUTURE. When I am stuck in a horrible situation (such as in a radioactive bear-trap or hanging off a cliff-edge by my fingertips or being chased by hungry lions whilst naked in the centre of the city and everyone laughing at me) then I always say : "Just think, that at some point, any point, in the near future, I will be past this and things will be ok. It may be nasty now, but THIS WILL PASS. THAT IS FACT."
For you, whether that is in 4 more years or 4 more weeks, it will come to you and you will once again find happiness.
All the best,
Cam
I don't know where to begin: I guess I must commend you on your care for your kids. That's a truly admirable respect for your children's well-being there. If only more parents gave as much of a damn.
I'm not going to try and pretend I can tell you what to do. I'm only just 21, what do I know right? I just feel the urge to discuss this with you, it feels like you need to vent this.
All I will say is this:
Children are not only extremely absorbent of situations around them, but they often reflect their upbringing in their own lives. I grew up watching my father abuse my mother (aswell as myself but not my brother as he was of different paternity) and cheat on her then fuck off when I was 10.
This undoubtedly skewered my view of relationships, given that I haven't had a proper relationship ever.
My misanthropic stance on relationships (all are doomed to failure) is viewed by some as unnecessarily bleak, but that's how I feel.
How much of this I learned from what I witnessed is up for debate.
What I'm getting at is your children undoubtedly are aware of the coldness and lack of love between you and your wife.
This could potentially be more harmful than just executing a cordial and harmonious breakup.
How much of this have you discussed with your wife? I imagine that you haven't really told her in depth all of how you feel. Is there some way she could stay in that house, perhaps with your Custody payment?
The only thing I can really say is have a sit down with your wife. How would you feel if she fulfilled her desire elsewhere? You said you two are happy to be room-mates. Would you let her date other men in order to see her happy? This could prove toxic to the development of your children you may worry, however they are at a fairly mature age to handle such things and they may even prefer it. I know my brother prefer's my mother's new husband and was happier with the split of my parents. They are almost finished school anyway, it wouldn't be such a massive blow if you two split.
If there are no options whatsoever other than to stay with your wife, then at least it's an extremely short while, but tbh mate, you've put up with misery and now that your youngest is 16, I feel that it's time you GAVE YOURSELF HAPPINESS NOW.
My personal dogmatic view on this is that you should sit the wife down first and explain that you are absolutely miserable, perhaps show her your posts here. Try and work something out with regards to keeping the kids in school for the remaining very short time.
Then sit the family down and explain that it's for the best. Tell them that you stayed with them for as long as you felt necessary for their development and stability, but it's for the best if you moved on, you won't stop loving them and will always be there for them because they are your kids.
Be open, honest and communicate.
THAT IS MERELY MY OPINION. I am not telling you to split up with your family, as it's really not my place to do that. Just stating what I would do if you have made up your mind.
I wish you all the best in this tricky situation. But remember, no matter what option you choose (leave now or stick it out another couple years) that YOU WILL BE FREE AT SOME POINT IN THE FUTURE. When I am stuck in a horrible situation (such as in a radioactive bear-trap or hanging off a cliff-edge by my fingertips or being chased by hungry lions whilst naked in the centre of the city and everyone laughing at me) then I always say : "Just think, that at some point, any point, in the near future, I will be past this and things will be ok. It may be nasty now, but THIS WILL PASS. THAT IS FACT."
For you, whether that is in 4 more years or 4 more weeks, it will come to you and you will once again find happiness.
All the best,
Cam
I hate to be blunt but get over it. I actually used to consider myself avoidant, my internal dialog was self loathing and it came across in my relationships. Since disciplining myself to hang on through anxiety my life has become 100% more satisfying. I chuckle at things I used to think. There has been no wall I built for myself I didn't have to leap over to rejoin my community in joy. Trust me, it's worth it to expect more of yourself... Remember that competence breeds confidence. Good luck, I know what it is to persistently isolate yourself, whatever the reason.
And how do you suppose one simply "gets over it" or disciplines themselves against a lifetime habit of hindrance and crippling anxiety?
Your post is very enlightening and comforting for somebody such as myself who has always had such intense anxiety and been a social 9/11, but it's nice to see a success story in getting past the debilitating internal dialogue.
Meditation works well, but do you have any other instruments and tools?
Consciously remove yourself from your place of isolation and comfort at least once every day. I still remember my first approach to the other after my bout of isolation. I don't smoke cigarettes but the first thing I said to somebody once deciding to overcome my anxiety conditioning was "do you have a lighter?" with my self rolled tobacco cigarette in hand.
Conditioning oneself against learned behaviors is no different from training a child or an animal.. With diligence before you know it you will have an interesting personality and an eventful life, in place of your precious comfort zone.
^ That's basically what I mean by 'working on it', but as a natural introvert on top of the rest of it I do find that I need a chunk of alone time to recharge after work. Which basically leaves weekends, which in turn get full of other stuff, fast. Plus there's the challenge of having to work through anxiety, and preventing/overcoming the formation of a counter-productive association (i.e. socializing = anxiety).
Not to be too dismissive, as I do appreciate the advice, but I was only really posting in here to offer a counter-balance to all the lovey-dovey and recent heartbreak.
Not to be too dismissive, as I do appreciate the advice, but I was only really posting in here to offer a counter-balance to all the lovey-dovey and recent heartbreak.
I don't mean to call you out, your description sincerely reminds me of my own experience. I spent my entire 18th year of life internalizing my anxieties alone, and I mean that literally. I have completely turned my life around so I would feel strange not saying anything because your post reminded me of myself so much.
I've never felt this strongly for a girl before. She just asked me to join her in the shower... I will edit this later to better articulate my feelings lol..
Yeah I'm in love with this bitch. She's smart, she's funny, she is totally satisfied by our lovemaking. Its weird I never thought I'd have a good relationship, all my other ones have been shitty.. This one is good. Its exciting. Whats strange is I found it when I wasn't looking at all, just being myself and my brother introduced us which was also strange... But now we're inseparable. Shes also 100% understanding of my drug use. I smoke TONS of weed, and she smokes whenever I smoke around her. She says she doesn't want to be around me while I'm frying, as she doesn't really understand psychedelics having never done them. She has no interest in them either, which doesn't bother me at all. I'm pretty sure I can play off shrooming or frying on low doses of acid as being my usual stoney self... Which will make an already interesting love life a bit more interesting hehe... I feel lucky to be a human being capable of these stretches of happiness. Sex is great, drugs are great... Sex and drugs together are fucking AMAZING AAAHHHHH. I'll leave you with a song I happened to bone down to
http://youtu.be/s4iR668Ki3I
Yeah I'm in love with this bitch. She's smart, she's funny, she is totally satisfied by our lovemaking. Its weird I never thought I'd have a good relationship, all my other ones have been shitty.. This one is good. Its exciting. Whats strange is I found it when I wasn't looking at all, just being myself and my brother introduced us which was also strange... But now we're inseparable. Shes also 100% understanding of my drug use. I smoke TONS of weed, and she smokes whenever I smoke around her. She says she doesn't want to be around me while I'm frying, as she doesn't really understand psychedelics having never done them. She has no interest in them either, which doesn't bother me at all. I'm pretty sure I can play off shrooming or frying on low doses of acid as being my usual stoney self... Which will make an already interesting love life a bit more interesting hehe... I feel lucky to be a human being capable of these stretches of happiness. Sex is great, drugs are great... Sex and drugs together are fucking AMAZING AAAHHHHH. I'll leave you with a song I happened to bone down to
http://youtu.be/s4iR668Ki3I
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