"Sub had an effect on my no other long term opiate maintenance has ever had on me. At the tail end I felt so apathetic, I didn't care about anything. It was like this low level blurry depression that unfortunately became way to comfortable to deal with. Truth be told I am still pretty emotionally void I did notice some emotions/feelings start to come back but I suppose that is just a consequence of long term opiate use."
QFT along with 99% of this thread, EXCEPT saying sub is just like any other opiate.. I've never felt anything more than not sick, and always, well nearly always crave heroin or other full agonist opiates, from 2 mg to 8 mg I'm always wanting heroin, just not NEEDING it like w/o suboxone..
I'm also on paxil and it does feel a bit different than when I was just on sub.. I felt the paxil much more in the first several months of being on it but now.. I spent all last winter sleeping on the couch, sleeping as much as I could, up to 8-12 hours a day, when for my whole life I usually would sleep about 5-6 hours and feel fine, 24/7 365, never understood people saying 8 hours of sleep was healthy/normal, 5-6 hours was always fine for me..
I thought after winter and the cold weather was over I'd come outside more, make my trips to the city and really enjoy heroin again, hanging out in the city, drinking and doing H with friends.. when all winter I slept and watched tv/movies and went online all day, only left the house once or twice a week and only to cop dope, get rigs/alcohol, etc..
Well summers been here for a while and I'm still sleeping as much as ever and only leaving the house to cop and only feeling really anything, but thats the thing w sub vs heroin, I am happy, almost manic on heroin, sub is a goofy-ass opiate imo, not like heroin at all..
The thing I do like about heroin.. even tho its slow suicide the way I'm doing it, on/off, always drinking and eating large doses of xanax/klonopin when I do it to just blackout the world, ie doing H only once or twice a week, so decently big breaks, 3-4-5-6 days then going back on H full blast WITH big doses (5-10mg Xanies or kpins) of benzos and wine or malt liquer.. I'm bound to fall out one day and not wake up, just a matter of time.. even tho I have a couple abcesses on my arms that could go skin eating necrotizing kinda shit..
The thing about heroin is.. its a 24/7 kinda gig.. even with subs and only going 1-2 times a week, its still an all consuming thing.. no time to think about being alone, no time to think about not having a girlfriend/sex/affection, no time to think about being 28 and living at home and not having a car or a job.. I'm almost afraid if I quit heroin I might kill myself if I didn't get everything together in the first year or so.. I might be so aware of being alone and feeling unloved, I might kill myself.. with heroin it might be SLOW suicide but I'm still alive, I still have a chance to bring it all around and get back on track..
IDK.. sub can make me flat, but basically it just makes me not sick, and makes the wait for heroin bearable even tho I'd much, much rather be on most any other potent, full agonist opiate, (heroin preferably, but hydromorphone, oxymorphone, oxycodone, or morphine would prolly work interchangeably well and make me just as HAPPY unlike feeling flat on suboxone)..
I know someone will say methadone.. but I know I'd use on it, and if I get caught I'd rather detox off 2mg/day sub or a couple days of 6-7 bags a day H in jail than say 200 mgs methadone, cause I know with them encouraging it I'd go up high as they'd let me.. So I'm basiclly afraid of methadone w/d, If I wasn't arrest prone I would do the methadone, but I am, only because I would continue using H, and prolly occasionally party it up with benzos and/or rocks or coke.. and benzos make me even more arrest prone if I take them in public, to the point I rarley take them unless I'm at home and staying at home for the day..
