Really overwhelmed by PTSD

eh, you overestimate my caringness..... ;)

really though, I don't have much concept of PTSD stemming from abuse, or traumatic event like an accident, or too much of any of the countless mind-melting molecules I've taken. I can understand, but its just a general sympathy and support I can offer.

For most of my own "PTSD" symptoms; I don't mind, and sometimes rather enjoy..... like a flashback to my first firefight, or first incoming mortars that hit close.... there are others, not nearly as mundane..... but its still a lot different.... I just lose sleep from being hyperaware, and don't like being in crowds. :/
 
I know I need to go in - But, I knew this would happen - I am fucking trying to make myself but I feeling myself lose this war I am swining out of it and now I am just sayin fuck it it's almost over (ya right, could be one day and go back). I don't want anyhing to do with the place It is really the best center in MA - any of you guys who interested I can send you the url. But you know what, it's gonna take some serious gut to pull through with what I said I would. Bein honest sucks, but I dont wanna lie.

Its good to be candid about things on here... sounds like the self-sabotage is kicking and screaming atm.
Is it the fear of facing the very thing which is bringing you down, after dealing with it on your own, that is so frightening I wonder?
What have you to lose, how much worse can it be than what you are going through?
Am concerned that you are underestimating yourself but glad you are being honest about how you feel-feeling like your losing doesnt necessarily equate with losing, ya know? <3
 
just try and relax..... they're not gonna waterboard yeh ;)

this thing with sub-threshold events triggering on form or another of PTSD, does make me suspicious...... I'm becoming of the opinion that rapid and easy-onset severe PTSD, following an threshold or moderate scare, is actually a symptom of a deeper problem or inbalance somewhere.
This is why I think docs shouldn't stop at just the diagnosis of simple PTSD.... if something as simple as a single drug dose can set it off in some people, there should definitely be research directed in that direction..... because if often if a drug has an harmful property, there are usually ways to isolate and eliminate or them in the lab for lawful usages.

Which is unfotunately hard to do legitimately, due to the amount of these chems that are subject abuse to before being throughly vetted.

When you say drugs, are you talking about psychedelics such as LSD? I've actually never stopped to consider that something like that could trigger flashbacks, but it makes perfect sense. If people who don't have any prior history of PTSD can have flashbacks while on LSD, I assume people who have PTSD would be more susceptible to it, whether they've already dealt with that aspect of it or not. I haven't tried any sort of psychedelic since I've been out though, so I wouldn't know first hand. Just out of curiosity, what symptoms do you have? Do you ever have any that make absolutely no sense and don't quite relate to the event in question?

This is another reason why I don't feel PTSD can be treated with medication, the only exception being benzo's maybe since a lot of the symptoms associated with PTSD are very similar to panic attacks and stem from the central nervous system. Other than that, no... I think PTSD is too complicated to pin down. PTSD affects everyone so differently- some people don't get it at all, others get it and it ranges from mild to horribly severe. It can even vary within the same individual. For example, I have PTSD from several events... five to be exact... but each one manifests itself in a different way and I can even differentiate between them... some are severe, others are hardly noticeable. At the same time, I had another traumatic event happen to me that should have caused PTSD, but didn't. It was a bad car accident, and the only way that affects my life today is that I get a little scared when someone else is driving and they're being reckless and I feel out of control... but I never had dreams about it, flashbacks, no strange paranoid symptoms, I'm not afraid of being in a car, etc. So that's not PTSD, just a normal reaction to what happened... even though it probably should have created some form of mild PTSD, knowing how susceptible I am to it. Another thing is that for some things, the PTSD took a while to creep in, sometimes years... but other times, it's onset was rapid. I'm talking a few hours for it to hit. All in all, it's just too complicated and diverse and too hard to pin down to be treated with medication. That's just my opinion though, not trying to pass it off as a fact. I already tried the whole self-medication route, when I realized that the Vicodin I was being prescribed for a wisdom tooth surgery was numbing my emotions as well as my face... except it only worked for a short while, and in the long run all that got me was an opiate addiction. As far as medication for PTSD goes, they don't actually fix the problem... all they do is cover it up.

artofwar- Everyone deals with PTSD differently, and everyone heals from it differently as well... what works for one person might not work for another. Don't give up just because you've been to a bunch of psychiatrists and it didn't help! If my theory is true, and medications are useless as far as getting PTSD (whether that's just in general or it ranges from person to person), that could be the problem. Perhaps you could try seeing a psychologist instead? Sometimes simply getting it all out of your head and laying it out on the table is immensely helpful, as long as you're 100% honest about it. If not, you could also try behavioral cognitive therapy... it works wonders for PTSD! There are other things you could try too, such as meditation, acupuncture, certain herbal supplements, and other homeopathic and alternative remedies. There's so many things out there you could try, you WILL beat your PTSD eventually... or at least make it significantly better and easier to live with... just keep fighting the good fight and don't give up. <3
 
@Asclepius - I am going to my group tonight regardless of the fact that it's the last place I feel like being - trying my hardest to not do as you say an sabotage the progress I have made.

@xburtonchic - check out my thread if you want on Brain Core THerapy. This is my latest attempt at trying to deal with my PTSD. Aside from this direct method, I am going to stick with the group I attend. I've been to many therapist / life coaches - not just shrinks who were pills first / treatment second (lol). Thing is I am not going to quit trying but I worry on a good or a bad day I will end up doing something really fucking stupid and ruin everything I have worked for (getting this far mentally has been a huge struggle).
 
@Asclepius - I am going to my group tonight regardless of the fact that it's the last place I feel like being - trying my hardest to not do as you say an sabotage the progress I have made.

@xburtonchic - check out my thread if you want on Brain Core THerapy. This is my latest attempt at trying to deal with my PTSD. Aside from this direct method, I am going to stick with the group I attend. I've been to many therapist / life coaches - not just shrinks who were pills first / treatment second (lol). Thing is I am not going to quit trying but I worry on a good or a bad day I will end up doing something really fucking stupid and ruin everything I have worked for (getting this far mentally has been a huge struggle).

I'll check it out. And don't beat yourself up if you have a bad day or two, it doesn't mean you're failing or that your recovery is hopeless. I don't know what you mean by "doing something really fucking stupid and ruin everything", but I'm going to assume you meant the worst. If that happens and you start to feel like you're about to do something that will harm your recovery or yourself, the best thing I can suggest is that you just breathe. I mean... just stop for a minute, take a deep breath, acknowledge that you're having these thoughts and just let yourself feel them instead of trying to fight them, and remember that tomorrow is a new day and not ALL days will be like this. If you can, try to do something productive that will take your mind off of it until the urge to do something stupid passes. Even if you can't muster the energy to take a walk or something, you could always call a friend, write in a journal, clean something, read, do something creative like draw or paint, etc. etc. Sometimes just forcing yourself to do something else is the key to allowing negative urges to pass, once you get your mind off of it, it won't seem that bad! You might even end up forgetting about it completely for a long while :)
 
To varying extent, based on chems/dose/user/etc, psychedelic trips *are* traumatic on the brain, body, and the psyche.... ego & id.... especially for some people.... hence acid-flashbacks. It's like drug induced PTSD. And I won't even get into what happens to someone unprepared for full-on ego destruction under the influence of LSD/DMT/etc
All of my trips are memories now, just as everything else is. Just for some reason, drug experiences I remember by recall only; but things like driving down I75 unconsciously avoiding potential IEDs and such.... thats a different part of my mind entirely, and often those rise unbidden.

But by the same token... my psychonautical tools have taught me a few things about parsing warrantless anxiety and such.
 
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