I am fucking sick of this. Im going to summer school just so I can graduate, and its not bad. Been sober for a while and suddenly i feel the urge to do something. Hell, im saving up benadryl. Life is getting really boring and i would rather be dead. Everday i just wake up, eat, play xbox, go on the internet, try to sleep and end up on the computer. Ive been doing shit besides summer school, and it is really frustrating. Ive got a blaring heafache right now because i cant sleep, on the verge of crying or cutting or something. So much stupid shit ive done, it ruined my life. I dont even know anymore, im not sure this even made sense.
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Im going nowhere in life
- Thread starter Kipo
- Start date
theotherside
Ex-Bluelighter
Hey I am going through a down cycle myself....sometimes you feel like the things outside of you are all there are in this life. Sounds corny but look inward and learn to control those over-bearing ego games. There is no "real" world..not in a sense that you don't have to make green paper and have shelter....but it doesn't matter what you do in this life you can be happy. To say you can't take this anymore is making me nervous..please read your pm.
Much love!
Much love!
itsok
Bluelighter
hey congratulations on getting some sober time and going to summer school. Sobriety is not easy. Seems like u are succeeding and getting somewhere in life, but u are stumbling onto a difficult feeling right now. But just know its temporary. And realize that u are achieving and planning a good future for urself.
I feel the same way sometimes. Out of boredom, I have done some embarassingly stupid things. Compare yourself to how bad it has been for you or compare yourself to how bad it can be and how awful some other people lives are (which I know is not a way to live life)-- these comparisons can put things into perspective and help me realize that even though I feel like I am suffering so much and am in mental agony, I am lucky in lots of other ways.
And its good u are reaching out on BL. What else can you do to interact and decrease ur boredom? Can u think of any activities or meetings, clubs, groups, like on meetup.com or NA/AA or whatever to go to have some social stimulation?
I feel the same way sometimes. Out of boredom, I have done some embarassingly stupid things. Compare yourself to how bad it has been for you or compare yourself to how bad it can be and how awful some other people lives are (which I know is not a way to live life)-- these comparisons can put things into perspective and help me realize that even though I feel like I am suffering so much and am in mental agony, I am lucky in lots of other ways.
And its good u are reaching out on BL. What else can you do to interact and decrease ur boredom? Can u think of any activities or meetings, clubs, groups, like on meetup.com or NA/AA or whatever to go to have some social stimulation?
HeWhoHowls
Bluelighter
Yes it seems your view of thngs is causing a lack of interest to do anythng, which in turns feeds the dark shadows of your mind.
Break the cycle.
Get thngs done, feel your accomplishments.
It feels good any time you complete any goal put infront of you, no matter how big or small.
Break the cycle.
Get thngs done, feel your accomplishments.
It feels good any time you complete any goal put infront of you, no matter how big or small.
Stop identyfing yourself with your ego man. You suffer, I suffer and everyone else suffer. The thing is that there are no perfectly happy people, it just seems everyone around is happier than you when you are particularly depressed. Achieving real happiness is about being content with your lot and this can be done more easily if you learn how to control your thoughts and emotions. I've been reading your posts for a while, you seem to be a cool person, I suggest you get into personal development. Lots of stuff is worth giving it a try, I'm myself far from being into new-age kind of thing, take my word for that, nonetheless some of it was really eye-opening. It made me change my lifestyle (staying sober, doing sports, eating healthy etc.) and saved my soul.
Sounds like you are in need of a second half. I was in that state when I first got out of school and found my way out when I started going out to clubs, bars, get togethers. Man its summertime! Go out and get you a summer girlfriend. Start expanding out, get a job if need be. Sounds like you just need some time outside the house.
anterrabae
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Jan 28, 2007
- Messages
- 308
You're stuck in a rut, man. Do something different. Whether it's going for a walk in a park or taking time to travel to another country...it opens doors, it really does. You need a break from the tedium of everyday. Everyone does every now and then.
Get up, get out and go
Get up, get out and go
HeWhoHowls
Bluelighter
Action action action.
Cure with action.
Actions come from thoughts n thoughts are influenced by actions.
If you cant save yourself with your thoughts, save yourself with your actions n your mind will follow.
Cure with action.
Actions come from thoughts n thoughts are influenced by actions.
If you cant save yourself with your thoughts, save yourself with your actions n your mind will follow.
Does make perfect sense Kippo. I have been in a rut myself of late, luckily I have a p/t job to fill in a few days/hours but yeah, I get this completely.
Staying off of drink is not an easy feat and is going to create a 'void'; once the initial contentment/honeymoon feelings have subsided.
If you need to cry do, it is cathartic.
Boredom is a scourge.8)
Getting out of the house is a good idea, geting some excercise in; it doesnt have to be strenuous but it will help you feel better(pumping more O2 to the brain etc helps sleep and mood). I get slightly too fond of sitting on front of the comp and it does/can give a false, sense of activity sometimes.
Seems like the regrets of the past are plaguing you too?
Have you sought any external help, its tough trying to manage this just on your own?
Please check in and let us know you're ok, man.
It sounds like you simply need to do more as you have a lack of satisfaction with your current life.
This is actually quite easy to remedy:
Exercise! Weight training/Cardio exercise elevates the mood to dizzying heights, gives you a sense of accomplishment and has a myriad of health benefits I don't need to explain right now, you just need to do.
Go skydiving - this isn't too expensive and will give you something to look forward to, something to aim for.
Seeing as it's summer right now, go whitewater rafting or climbing or mountain biking or any of these kinds of activities....something to keep active with, a positive action that is. Not taking hoards of sleeping tablets.....do you really think ingesting a load of sleeping tablets will have your problems disappear?
You have done damn well to near-graduate, I don't even have the discipline to adhere to such academic structure so kudos to you my friend.
The past is the past man. I know thats easy to say , but man, you have accomplished so much. It would be a waste to fuck it up just because you are having a particularly low period where you want to do drugs. You are better than this man....leave the past where it is.
You know that if you start doing drugs again, it will only further fuck up your future. Stay strong, friend.
You have been sober for a while now....I could only WISH I had the courage to do that so well fucking done, my friend. Seriously.
It sounds like you simply need to do more as you have a lack of satisfaction with your current life.
This is actually quite easy to remedy:
Exercise! Weight training/Cardio exercise elevates the mood to dizzying heights, gives you a sense of accomplishment and has a myriad of health benefits I don't need to explain right now, you just need to do.
Go skydiving - this isn't too expensive and will give you something to look forward to, something to aim for.
Seeing as it's summer right now, go whitewater rafting or climbing or mountain biking or any of these kinds of activities....something to keep active with, a positive action that is. Not taking hoards of sleeping tablets.....do you really think ingesting a load of sleeping tablets will have your problems disappear?
You have done damn well to near-graduate, I don't even have the discipline to adhere to such academic structure so kudos to you my friend.
The past is the past man. I know thats easy to say , but man, you have accomplished so much. It would be a waste to fuck it up just because you are having a particularly low period where you want to do drugs. You are better than this man....leave the past where it is.
You know that if you start doing drugs again, it will only further fuck up your future. Stay strong, friend.
You have been sober for a while now....I could only WISH I had the courage to do that so well fucking done, my friend. Seriously.
Hey guys. Reading back, this post looked really bad. I meant it as in type/think about stuff/stay awake, ect. I was extremley sleep deprived at the time and I just wasn't even thinking straight.
Anyway, I've been getting the same advice for a while. And I think it's time I listen. I'm not sure about being able to get a girlfriend (much to shy for that) but eating well and working out I can do.
Not yet, this is a hard choice for me. I've always thought I could get through stuff on my own. Even If I did, I wouldnt be able to fully trust anyone. I'd always feel like they were spilling to my parents or something. I'm not used to opening up for people, its hard enough here where I don't have to see your faces. Even here I leave stuff out.Have you sought any external help, its tough trying to manage this just on your own?
^I get that, I think none of us trust anyone completely kipo, its even harder when you feel you cant trust yourself though. I think when we start sabotaging things for ourselves we need to entrust ouselves to some process that is going to help us...think this is just the need for survival, in our own best interest.
I think we are all somewhat reliant on others to some degree too , in all walks of life, so this is why it helps to maintain some degree of trust but only through merit; I mean no human being is going to trust something that is going to opress their own free will-this is a good thing IMO.
I think we are all somewhat reliant on others to some degree too , in all walks of life, so this is why it helps to maintain some degree of trust but only through merit; I mean no human being is going to trust something that is going to opress their own free will-this is a good thing IMO.
rkay48
Greenlighter
Hang in there sweetie
You seem to have quite a few people who are Herr for you.
You seem to have quite a few people who are Herr for you.
HeWhoHowls
Bluelighter
Im a man.
Really? I have always considered it a flaw of mine. I think at a more healthy level its fine. But this is keeping me from getting help. I feel like I always need my shell of paranoia and lies to protect me. Even though it hurts me. Sorry if this is choppy. Trying to explain my emotions hard for me^I get that, I think none of us trust anyone completely kipo, its even harder when you feel you cant trust yourself though. I think when we start sabotaging things for ourselves we need to entrust ouselves to some process that is going to help us...think this is just the need for survival, in our own best interest.
I think we are all somewhat reliant on others to some degree too , in all walks of life, so this is why it helps to maintain some degree of trust but only through merit; I mean no human being is going to trust something that is going to opress their own free will-this is a good thing IMO.
On the plus side though, today I got out and spent the day at a strawberry festival. :D Plus I saw a motorcycle street race on the way home. Never thought people actually did that
You know, I always felt like people online didnt give a shit about others. But people are still responding. I've felt like such a leech here, but I'm really starting to feel otherwise. Unless you guys really dont give a shit, lol. Then i just made myself look like a dumbass. Good advice either way.
HeWhoHowls
Bluelighter
Really? I have always considered it a flaw of mine. I think at a more healthy level its fine. But this is keeping me from getting help. I feel like I always need my shell of paranoia and lies to protect me. Even though it hurts me. Sorry if this is choppy. Trying to explain my emotions hard for me
On the plus side though, today I got out and spent the day at a strawberry festival. :D Plus I saw a motorcycle street race on the way home. Never thought people actually did that
Well you know the source of your issues since you just stated it.
Face your fear n act to dissolve that with 110% of your will power.
Shoot me in the face if it doesnt work out for ya man
Man you DO need to get out more, there are bike races all the damm time.
HeWhoHowls
Bluelighter
Were all here for eachother.
That includes you fool
That includes you fool