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Obsessing about heroin. Ugh.
- Thread starter SciCo
- Start date
captainballs
Bluelighter
- Joined
- Sep 21, 2004
- Messages
- 9,954
It's been three months since I first tried smack Iv. Lost my apartment, job, and car during that time. And i still use when I get the chance. The withdrawals are horrible and protracted mentally, although the physical part is no joke as well. A week after use you may find yourself throwing up in bed after waking up from nightmares. It has destroyed my soul - what little there was left of it after being addicted to other opiates as well as benzos. A shot of heroin is less like an orgasm, and more like being held by the Holy Virgin Mary in her arms while she pets your head and keeps your body warm. It doesn't even get you that high, which is the scary part - it just gives you a sense of completeness that is impossible to shake when you are sober and full of fear and panic. I would say don't try it, but that's not going to stop you from doing it.
I got high again recently and had this weird discussion with myself while I was half passed out in bed; I can't really explain the profundity of this discussion, but it began like this: "OMG I cannot believe I am shooting heroin, what is fucking wrong with me?!?!?" and ended with me talking to God in a way I haven't for quite some time. This was probably the first time ever using drugs that I really couldn't believe what I was doing and got scared about the consequences; scared enough to pray which I haven't done in a very long time.
I spent probably $600 or $700 on heroin over the past few weeks - for me, that is an insane amount of money to spend on drugs. This is without even being addicted. I already see nothing but misery ahead of me if I allow myself to continue using.
I had some weird kind of mental switch flip, where I went from literally not caring one bit if I got addicted to dope (let alone caring about the other substance abuse issues I have), to deciding that I wanted to stop everything, including alcohol, and I've begun figuring out a tapering plan for the benzos I'm on (which I have an insane psychological dependency on).
Before I even tried it, I said it and knew it - heroin is the worst drug ever. Hopefully I won't be updating this thread with any posts about having used again.
I spent probably $600 or $700 on heroin over the past few weeks - for me, that is an insane amount of money to spend on drugs. This is without even being addicted. I already see nothing but misery ahead of me if I allow myself to continue using.
I had some weird kind of mental switch flip, where I went from literally not caring one bit if I got addicted to dope (let alone caring about the other substance abuse issues I have), to deciding that I wanted to stop everything, including alcohol, and I've begun figuring out a tapering plan for the benzos I'm on (which I have an insane psychological dependency on).
Before I even tried it, I said it and knew it - heroin is the worst drug ever. Hopefully I won't be updating this thread with any posts about having used again.
This is so great to hear hun, well done
If you need medical assistance getting off benzos please don't hesitate to see your doctor before you start tapering off. Also make sure you have a good support network, e.g. friends and/or relatives to talk to while you're getting clean, which will reduce the chance of relapse.
I wish you all the best, and keep us updated
unsettled
Bluelighter
I was very similar to you in that I was obsessed with trying Heroin for years before trying it. The only difference is that I like many others got addicted to opiates in pill form first, then I got into Poppy Pod Tea and Morphine pills. By the time I tried Heroin I was already addicted to Opiates and was in severe withdrawal and Heroin was the only thing available at the time to alleviate the WD's. I loved it of course and used it daily for a while until I finally saw the futility of the Junkie lifestyle.
Your whole world will revolve around Heroin, half the time you're just trying to stay well so getting high gets harder to do. The amount of money it costs to maintain a habit is ridiculous, I started to envy the people I used to think were so boring simply because they didn't have work a full time job (being a junky is a full time job, twenty four hours a day every day)that at best gets you well or high at some point in the day while taking away everything else that is important in your life. Eventually I got on subs and I'm still on them, they are a bitch too but nothing compared to H, at least for me so far.
I don't regret my experiences with H because I don't obsess about H like I used to before trying it. I've seen where it leads most of the time and it's not a place I want to go. I have relapsed for short periods of time because that craving for that specific feeling H brings never seems to go completely away. I find myself being more obsessed with getting healthier and not depending on my prescribed meds anymore but it's a slow process.
I don't know how deep you are into addiction at the moment but if you can get out, then GET OUT! You don't want to develop a reputation as a Junky because it will haunt you for a long time if not forever. People can accept Alcoholism or Cocaine addiction or any RX addiction much easier than a Heroin addiction, which is pure ignorance on their part but it's the way it is. I think people forget that Heroin is an opiate, just like many other drugs that are out there like vicodin, percocet, codeine...etc.
<Statement may provoke-plz see TDS Guidelines> For me, Benzo addiction has had a worse impact, in a different way but it's legal so it doesn't have the stigma that H does. Most of the people I know who have OD'd on H have done so as a result of not knowing the purity of what they just bought and/or they use after having been in jail or rehab and forget that their tolerance has dropped significantly. That or they mix it with other drugs. It's too taboo in our society which attracts certain types to it and once you're on it the fact that it's bought on the street makes it infinitely more dangerous. Then just add in the problem of people having a hard time keeping enough clean needles around and sharing needles as a result. I just think a lot of people die from H just because it's illegal, it bothers me because I've seen too many people die or get some disease just because they were in withdrawal and desperate.
I still go through periods where I will crave Heroin badly, I don't think it will ever go away completely but I believe it will lessen in time, or at least I hope so.
I wish you the best of luck in staying away from this drug, it's not easy to do once you get in too deep but there is help available if you do find yourself in too deep.
I don't think anyone can convince anyone not to try Heroin because if someone wants it bad enough they will try it. Just remember that every moment of pleasure H brings you is balanced out with pure misery with interest.
Your whole world will revolve around Heroin, half the time you're just trying to stay well so getting high gets harder to do. The amount of money it costs to maintain a habit is ridiculous, I started to envy the people I used to think were so boring simply because they didn't have work a full time job (being a junky is a full time job, twenty four hours a day every day)that at best gets you well or high at some point in the day while taking away everything else that is important in your life. Eventually I got on subs and I'm still on them, they are a bitch too but nothing compared to H, at least for me so far.
I don't regret my experiences with H because I don't obsess about H like I used to before trying it. I've seen where it leads most of the time and it's not a place I want to go. I have relapsed for short periods of time because that craving for that specific feeling H brings never seems to go completely away. I find myself being more obsessed with getting healthier and not depending on my prescribed meds anymore but it's a slow process.
I don't know how deep you are into addiction at the moment but if you can get out, then GET OUT! You don't want to develop a reputation as a Junky because it will haunt you for a long time if not forever. People can accept Alcoholism or Cocaine addiction or any RX addiction much easier than a Heroin addiction, which is pure ignorance on their part but it's the way it is. I think people forget that Heroin is an opiate, just like many other drugs that are out there like vicodin, percocet, codeine...etc.
<Statement may provoke-plz see TDS Guidelines> For me, Benzo addiction has had a worse impact, in a different way but it's legal so it doesn't have the stigma that H does. Most of the people I know who have OD'd on H have done so as a result of not knowing the purity of what they just bought and/or they use after having been in jail or rehab and forget that their tolerance has dropped significantly. That or they mix it with other drugs. It's too taboo in our society which attracts certain types to it and once you're on it the fact that it's bought on the street makes it infinitely more dangerous. Then just add in the problem of people having a hard time keeping enough clean needles around and sharing needles as a result. I just think a lot of people die from H just because it's illegal, it bothers me because I've seen too many people die or get some disease just because they were in withdrawal and desperate.
I still go through periods where I will crave Heroin badly, I don't think it will ever go away completely but I believe it will lessen in time, or at least I hope so.
I wish you the best of luck in staying away from this drug, it's not easy to do once you get in too deep but there is help available if you do find yourself in too deep.
I don't think anyone can convince anyone not to try Heroin because if someone wants it bad enough they will try it. Just remember that every moment of pleasure H brings you is balanced out with pure misery with interest.
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Thank you, N3ophy7e, I appreciate it. I am seeing my doctor shortly and will have to ask him about the benzo tapering because I can already see that it's going to be difficult to get off them.
Unsettled, good post, thanks. I felt so sick and bummed out over the weekend, and now today I feel better physically but just mentally I feel like I want to get high. Everything is a constant struggle for me, I'm nursing all kinds of weird issues right now. If I had a means to get dope I definitely think I would right now. Just been going around and around in my head. Gotta get to some meetings, but sometimes they feel more triggering than helpful. Sigh. Just kinda lost at the moment. I'm not regretful that I tried heroin, it's just another self destructive thing that I'm doing to myself. Another step along the way to....what, I don't know. I have to say, since I tried heroin, nothing else seems even remotely up to par.
Unsettled, good post, thanks. I felt so sick and bummed out over the weekend, and now today I feel better physically but just mentally I feel like I want to get high. Everything is a constant struggle for me, I'm nursing all kinds of weird issues right now. If I had a means to get dope I definitely think I would right now. Just been going around and around in my head. Gotta get to some meetings, but sometimes they feel more triggering than helpful. Sigh. Just kinda lost at the moment. I'm not regretful that I tried heroin, it's just another self destructive thing that I'm doing to myself. Another step along the way to....what, I don't know. I have to say, since I tried heroin, nothing else seems even remotely up to par.
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