Really overwhelmed by PTSD

theartofwar

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My PTSD symptoms are doing me in. I've tried to let on as little as possible but I have to face the fact I need to go away for a bit for help. I have a friend whose father is a psychiatrist and he also lives on a farm - he's offered to take me in a few days just for a change of pace to hopefully clear my head some.

Admittedly, I've tried to kill myself a couple times this week but I did it w pills so I don't think I really wanted it - or I had some sanity left ? I attempted last night and my dad came across me, it's just too much for him, my mother moved out months ago - I honestly fucking despise myself. Any good I can do and offer anyone I'm glad(And I am aware that I've done so), but I cannot find any joy / peace / fulfillment in life in this state. That is not a life worth living. Let's hope change can show me how to cope. During the 7 weeks I did not have n episode, I did terrific. My life was together and I was managing to find the good in everything just about. Nowadays I am honestly unable to find anything that brings even a spark of joy. I look at my lil dog, whom I love more than anything, and instead of feeling that, I say to myself, "You deserve so much better than me". I walk him 3 times a day, play w him constantly , sleeps in my bed etc ... but I I am unable to (at this point) make the TRUE reality outweigh the PTSD reality.

I'm overwhelmed and tired of this empty dismal life. I know it will pass, but this is too dangerous and I don't know if I could handle an episode as sever as this again once this one has gone its course.

Thank you for letting me both update and vent.
peace
j
 
Hi toaw I'm glad you're gonna take some time away to help clear your mind a bit. I don't have any easy answers to your situation but if you were able to have 7 weeks of feeling decent then you can know based on experienced that it's possible for you to feel okay.

I hope your days away allow you to rest and get a new perspective on things.
 
Ya my PTSD was so unbearable I started using heroin to kill the thoughts. It worked for awhile, but in the end the only thing that got rid of the PTSD was facing it head on during withdrawal, and totally accepting & forgiving myself for every part of it, and coming to an answer I found to be the truth about it.
 
Am sorry to hear things have been so hard for you.:(

Glad you're still here AOW<3


Hope this trip away with the Psych/friends dad will help somewhat. So glad you are being pro-active toward yourself-it shows real strength IMO...hope you recognise that? <3
 
I do see it as a huge improvement but actually feeling it in the sense of "wow good job, you did well" - that'll be a while unfortunately.

Hard to explain that what I see everyone enjoy, food, people chatting joking l sleeping and getting rest watch TV .... all this is unbearable: I don't enjoy it at the time and it DRIVES into my mind how sick I truly am (not sick as in perverted , but mentally to the point I need help that seems quit hard to obtain.

I'm also quite worried that I will not end up going..... not following through on commitments in midst of PTSD episodes is a HUGE problem for me, which you can imagine triggers the guilt cycle, ugh, this shit is fucking crummy.
 
I was told tomorrow afternoon on - but it's not FOR sure , I am hoping so. I need a change even though i've only been home to work mainly.
 
I also tried dealing with my PTSD with opiates, it only works for a short while. It doesn't make it go away, just numbs it so you don't have to deal with it. Only problem is that you're going to have to face it sooner or later, and the longer you put it off, the harder it's going to hit you. Like a ton of bricks. PTSD sucks though... took about a year and a half for the flashbacks to stop. I still get intrusive thoughts that keep me awake all night at times, but it's not nearly as bad as it used to be, and I deal with it... and I'm a happy, well-adjusted person. Took me a few years to get here, but hey... at least I did! PTSD is hard to deal with, as it's only become recently addressed and recognized as an actual problem... but it definitely is manageable. And you don't need medication to do it! A lot of it has to do with letting go and accepting things.

Judging from your username, I'm assuming we have PTSD for the somewhat same reasons... so hey if you ever need to talk or vent to someone, feel free to PM me :) Good luck!!
 
Hi, burtonchic, ty for your words, that does help to hear. My PTSD occurred 15 years ago from habitual rape occurring for 3 months (I am now 25). I can openly say this- but anything more and I simlpyshut down :(.
 
Anytime! And yeah that's a small part of my PTSD story too, although most of it is military-related... so I know where you're coming from. If it makes you feel better, that was the easiest part for me to get over. Once I was able to start talking about it freely, I can't even begin to describe to you how much weight it took off my shoulders and how much it helped. Actually, I think talking about it is what was responsible for ultimately getting rid of the flashbacks (at least in that situation). Once I started to accept things and be like, "Okay this happened... it sucks, but there's nothing I can do about it and it's not my fault"... it became easier to let it go. A slow process, but nonetheless, I'm mostly if not completely over it by now and I don't let it affect me too much. Whether that's because I'm subconsciously burying it somewhere in the back of my brain for it to come back later, I can't say, as I treated it on my own and never got professional help... but I highly doubt that's the case. I don't have that weird, nagging, guilty feeling that I can't quite place anymore. I'm just... happy. idk. It's hard to explain. You'll get there too eventually, hopefully what you're doing now will help move it along more quickly!

I'm curious, did your PTSD start right after the incident, or did it take a while for it to manifest itself? You don't have to tell me if it's too personal, I'm just wondering...
 
I don't know , I mean at ten years old it was a full time job simply to make sure I didn't let it slip out to my family or anyone at school / friends. I had quite a bad sporadic child hood - what was exactly PTSD and what was just fear of everything... who honestly can tell. Saw a psychiatrist at 12. Seeing so many since. But I will never ever go to another one. I am utterly done with the entire career. I do not believe in it for me but, I do hope it can work for anyone who needsitk
 
theartofwar, I've been thinking about you for a few hours, sending you love, strength and energy. Until you're able to get help, here's my stopgap game: When my cognitive path of least resistance heads toward the abyss, I fight back. I say, 'You (my mind) are my enemy, you are not on my side. You are telling me lies, calling me names and poisoning my perceptions. You can't take me down. Stop it. Leave me alone.' It sounds silly, but when it's out of control, I treat my mind like a child having a temper tantrum. Hang in there, you're far stronger than you think! :-)
 
You have all of our support on here TAOW, we all want you to do right by yourself. You deserve it. <3
 
dropthatpickle-- That's an interesting strategy!

The neat thing is that I think that you've hit on the root of the problem (in your case, which sounds a lot like what mine was): a dysfunctional ego. Because of our trauma(s), the ego both acts as a bully to the rest of the mind (perhaps to build itself up by bringing others down?) while at the same time paralyzing the person-at-large, so that they avoid any situation that even slightly resembles the trauma.

Regardless, the more that you can take the ego out of the situation, the better. It never seems to have anything good to say about anyone anyway.
 
We keep throwing about the term PTSD, and yet though to a lot of people its the same thing, we must all keep in mind that PTSD is actually a sort of umbrella diagnosis covering a plethora of different traumatic causes...
Unfortunately, my stress from war has manifested itself differently from y'alls' brand of PTSD..... and though I'm familiar with it, I do think there should be a more finite definition of PTSD.... we can't treat it, until we nail it down..... but each case of PTSD is going to be unique.

One of my favorite pieces of art, and applicable to the topic..... is Otto Dix's "The Invalids".... which is a depiction of shell-shocked WW1 veterans.... and I think is the first attempt at a visual representation of PTSD.
 
We keep throwing about the term PTSD, and yet though to a lot of people its the same thing, we must all keep in mind that PTSD is actually a sort of umbrella diagnosis covering a plethora of different traumatic causes...
Unfortunately, my stress from war has manifested itself differently from y'alls' brand of PTSD..... and though I'm familiar with it, I do think there should be a more finite definition of PTSD.... we can't treat it, until we nail it down..... but each case of PTSD is going to be unique.

One of my favorite pieces of art, and applicable to the topic..... is Otto Dix's "The Invalids".... which is a depiction of shell-shocked WW1 veterans.... and I think is the first attempt at a visual representation of PTSD.

Such a good point - the differing symptoms and the reasons they become manifested.... I had never thought of it - Now you say it, it reminds me how whenever I went to outpatient for methadone / bupe - the doctors would give the generic "do you sometimes feel depressed / sometimes feel quite happy or energized" - ok if you answer yes, BOOM , bipolar LOL!!! I know this is straying from your point but the flaw in over diagnosing and not narrowing down specifics is holding back help for those who need it.
 
changes coming in DSM-V

NSFW:
Latest Evidence on PTSD May Bring Changes in DSM-V: Subthreshold events can lead to disorder.
by DAMIAN MCNAMARA
Clinical Psychiatry News
Volume 35, Issue 11 (November 2007)

MIAMI BEACH – The definition of posttraumatic stress disorder should change with the next revision of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Dr. Michael First said at the annual meeting of the American Academy of Psychiatry and the Law.

Such a change is supported by recent evidence suggesting that people can develop PTSD even in the absence of a high-magnitude traumatic event.

“Does presence of a PTSD syndrome automatically imply exposure to severe trauma? That is true only if PTSD can arise as a specific response to severe trauma,” he said. “However, if there are cases where PTSD develops in absence of severe trauma, it is not a valid assumption,” added Dr. First, professor of clinical psychiatry at Columbia University, New York.

The science since the last major revision–the DSM-IV Text Revision in 1992–suggests exposure to traumatic stress might not be required in all cases of PTSD, he said.

Initially, case reports suggested PTSD could arise following subthreshold events such as divorce, bereavement, or the end of a romantic relationship. More recent scientific studies have supported the findings. For example, PTSD was equally present in traumatized, equivocally traumatized, and nontraumatized participants in a study by researchers at McLean Hospital, Belmont, Mass. (J. Anxiety Disord. 2007;21:176-82). They assessed 103 adults enrolled in a depression study instead of using a traditional design that would assess only people who had experienced a trauma for subsequent PTSD.

“Investigators on this study decided to look at PTSD whether there was trauma or not,” said Dr. First, who is also a research psychiatrist at the New York State Psychiatric Institute. There were 198 traumatic events of any severity. A total of 54 participants rated the trauma as an A1 event (meeting DSM-IV-TR A1 criteria), 13 reported equivocal trauma, and 36 reported never having experienced trauma. Without regard to trauma history, 81 participants met criteria for PTSD, which was equally prevalent (around 80%) in each of the three groups, he said. “This study raises major questions about major trauma being required to cause PTSD,” Dr. First said.

In another study, researchers surveyed a large cohort in the Netherlands that had experienced a traumatic or life-altering event (Br. J. Psych. 2005;186:494-9). A total of 299 individuals reported a lifetime traumatic event, such as an accident or abuse, compared with 533 who reported life events such as relationship problems or the sudden death of loved one. “The scores for traumatic and nontraumatic life events were about the same for PTSD, the exception being those individuals whose trauma was physical or sexual abuse,” Dr. First said. “So this is another study supporting [the idea] that it does not have to be a severe, A1-level trauma to qualify for PTSD.”

In addition, evidence from behavioral genetics studies suggests that PTSD, like other anxiety and mood disorders, arises from a combination of non-disorder-specific genetic and environmental factors, he noted. “The litigation about PTSD when we were working on DSM-IV was going crazy, so we thought it would be wise to limit it to high-magnitude events,” Dr. First said.

So what can be done regarding the PTSD entry in the upcoming DSM-V? “It would be really nice if PTSD was specific to severe trauma. “There is a lot of hope for PTSD,” he said, “but a lot of work needs to be done to get it back to where it should be–related to extreme stress.”

Before publication of the DSM-IV, “there was a huge debate over how broad versus how narrow criterion A should be.” One of the problems is that the some of the criteria, such as irritability, insomnia, and a marked disinterest in activities, also occur in depression. Even items that do not overlap with other disorders might not be pathologic for PTSD. A possible solution is to evaluate criteria B, C, and D for diagnostic specificity to differentiate PTSD from other mood and anxiety disorders. Then only symptoms related to exposure to extreme stress would be retained, Dr. First added.

A different entry for PTSD in the DSM-V is all but certain if history is any indication. Since the first publication of the DSM, the entry has changed with each update. In the DSM-I, the precursor to PTSD was called “traumatic neurosis.” In DSM-II, it became “transient situational disturbances.” This vague definition became more specific in the DSM-III, which introduced PTSD-qualifying stressors–a recognizable stressor that would evoke significant symptoms of distress in almost everyone, distress that is generally outside the usual human experience. The DSM-III-R updated this to refer to an event outside of normal human experience. “The manual gave examples for the first time, suggesting only severe stressors lead to PTSD,” Dr. First said. The sudden destruction of one's home or community was an example.

PTSD stands out as one of those few disorders in the DSM with an etiology that is included in the definition with a specificity regarding trigger events. “This idea of specificity hung around with the DSM, even though the definition changed,” he said.

Prior to publication of DSM-IV, a field trial of the PTSD criteria was conducted, part of which determined the prevalence and magnitude of stressful events. Among 400 treatment-seeking outpatients and 128 community participants, for example, investigators found a huge prevalence of high-magnitude events: 84% of treatment seekers and 93% of community participants had at least one lifetime, high-magnitude event. “It's part of human experience at some point to be exposed to traumatic stress, so the requirement that it be outside the range of normal human experience was eliminated from the DSM-IV,” Dr. First said. Only 66 people, 13% of cases, reported that they had experienced a past-year low-magnitude event, “so the conclusion was that PTSD occurs very rarely in absence of high-magnitude events,” he said.

Now the matter is up for debate prior to release of DSM-V.
 
I know I need to go in - But, I knew this would happen - I am fucking trying to make myself but I feeling myself lose this war I am swining out of it and now I am just sayin fuck it it's almost over (ya right, could be one day and go back). I don't want anyhing to do with the place It is really the best center in MA - any of you guys who interested I can send you the url. But you know what, it's gonna take some serious gut to pull through with what I said I would. Bein honest sucks, but I dont wanna lie.
 
just try and relax..... they're not gonna waterboard yeh ;)

this thing with sub-threshold events triggering on form or another of PTSD, does make me suspicious...... I'm becoming of the opinion that rapid and easy-onset severe PTSD, following an threshold or moderate scare, is actually a symptom of a deeper problem or inbalance somewhere.
This is why I think docs shouldn't stop at just the diagnosis of simple PTSD.... if something as simple as a single drug dose can set it off in some people, there should definitely be research directed in that direction..... because if often if a drug has an harmful property, there are usually ways to isolate and eliminate or them in the lab for lawful usages.

Which is unfotunately hard to do legitimately, due to the amount of these chems that are subject abuse to before being throughly vetted.
 
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