Integrating Psychiatric Treatment and Spiritual Drug Use

[Rojo]

A bit of an odd topic with a lot of "buts"

I figure it's best to begin by saying:

I've been finding it extremely difficult as a psychiatric patient to find a reasonable way to integrate drug use for spiritual purposes. It sounds like bullsh*t I know, but without dumping an unnecessarily long story of emotion and self-discovery I can say that I have had using drugs as a way to understand the self, the universe, and to keep that little light we call "faith" burning for a little while longer.

Unfortunately, even before I started exploring drugs, I've had some sort of mental "issue" that I have only recently begun receiving treatment for. I have not been given any sort of name to pin on it (which I guess is good), but it can be summed up in "mood disorder with psychotic features". It's only now, some two years after I started treatment (and hopping on and off different medicines) that it's dawned on me that my treatment and my spiritual practices might interact with each other in negative ways. Antipsychotics negate psychedelic experiences, and antidepressants and mood stabilizers flatten the experience from a visual introspection or a way to experience "God" into a dizzy, drunken, confusion. My shrink has also informed me that continued drug use (spiritual or otherwise) might only exacerbate my condition.

Those two facts have me somewhat in a knot. I've tried sober spiritual "practices" like meditation and yoga - both of which don't come close to filling the spiritual vacuum, even with diligent repetitive practice.

On one hand I have a little grey car called psychiatry that will help me live a normal life, but that's pretty much it (and the very idea scares the f**k out of me) - on the other I have the option of continuing entheogen at the risk of further damaging my psyche.

So I turn to the Bluelight community for advice, a chance for others to share similar stories, and general discussion about the idea of mixing psychiatry and spirituality.

 

[Cane2theLeft]

Let's try this in Psychedelic Drugs... PD mods, if you feel it'd fit better elsewhere, feel free to move


HT>>>PD

 

[any major dude]

bit of a tricky area... in general it is considered, and with good reason, a bad idea to take psychedelics if you have underlying psychological/psychiatric issues. However, in certain cases & under certain conditions psychedelics do tend to help some people with the same types of issues. To answer your question i'll have to ask you a few as well.

You say you went untreated for a long time. During this time how often did you use psychedelics & what type of experiences did you have? Did you have any psychotic episodes while on psychedelics?

What medications are you on? How often do you have to take them?

What type of psychedelic were you intending on using? In what environment?

 

[Rojo]

You say you went untreated for a long time. During this time how often did you use psychedelics & what type of experiences did you have? Did you have any psychotic episodes while on psychedelics?

None, I got introduced to drugs in general a few months after I began receiving regular treatment - a friend invited me to smoke cannabis etc, etc; you know the story. So any drug use has been while undergoing psychiatric treatment.

Psychedelics are still somewhat new to me. It began with DXM, which I didn't know had psychedelic effects until after I had stopped using it. After that was a one night encounter with psychoactive amanitas, which made for an interesting evening. The latest psychedelic I've used was Hawaiian Baby Woodrose seeds. The first trip was a disaster, I underestimated the strength of the substance and overestimated my experience, and spent most of the night chain smoking cigarettes while the world around me and the thoughts inside me spiraled out of control somewhere at a million miles a minute. I tried an extraction after that and spent most of the night listening to unearthly animal calls coming from the woods. I never blamed the seeds, all the fault was mine - I never did my homework and the extraction was half-assed so I got what I paid for.

The latest trip was partly a success - I did a sublingual absorption with the seeds and was rewarded with an energized, introspective night.

And I suppose the synthetic cannabinoids might be considered psychedelic in their own right, and have experienced a pleasant Zen-like mindset with them, save for a few experiences where I first tried the post-US-ban synthetic cannabinoids (I assumed the strength and made an ass of myself) and one experience where a dose didn't hit me until ten to twelve hours later.

What medications are you on? How often do you have to take them?

Currently I'm on a daily regimen of 450mgs of bupropion in the mornings, and 40mgs of the antipsychotic lurasidone at night.

I was originally prescribed the bupropion as a way to "get over drug cravings", and was given this prescription the same appointment I decided it would behoove me to tell my doctor about my spiritual exploration with chemicals and plants. Pretty sure he thinks I'm an addict now. The prescription may or may not change, as I'm due for a meeting with him today.

What type of psychedelic were you intending on using? In what environment?

I had been planning on using what was left of my HBWR seeds, I'm still curious about what they could offer and feel pretty confident that they can help.

Of course I'm wary of interactions with the medication, psychological risks, and whether or not using my HBWR would be worth it since I've been taking an antipsychotic regularly for about six months.

 

[johannes kreisler]

in general: do not mix ss/nris, antipsychotics, mood stabilizers with psychoactives that target the same receptors. it's not only a matter of a good or bad experience but also a matter of harm reduction...
if you still think you absolutely have to have entheogenic experiences I'd recommend DMT as - ime - it overpowers psychiatric medication and lasts only for a short time.
as a therapeutic tool to actually deal with the core of your mental problems smoked dmt + MAOi would be my weapon of choice. but this is a no go with your current regimen.

and - this is my personal opinion (!) - psychiatry and spirituality are pretty much incompatible. I feel like it's two completely different directions on two different paths with two contradicting objectives...

at the risk of further damaging my psyche.

this made me smile....you are your psyche!

 

[Rojo]

in general: do not mix ss/nris, antipsychotics, mood stabilizers with psychoactives that target the same receptors. it's not only a matter of a good or bad experience but also a matter of harm reduction...
if you still think you absolutely have to have entheogenic experiences I'd recommend DMT as - ime - it overpowers psychiatric medication and lasts only for a short time.

What about salvia? I cant believe I forgot to mention good Sally Maria. She was always a wonderful host.

as a therapeutic tool to actually deal with the core of your mental problems smoked dmt + MAOi would be my weapon of choice. but this is a no go with your current regimen.

Yes, that kept popping up in my research. DMT sounds like a promising lead but at this point in time it can only make things worse. I'm looking for something similar that can be taken without an MAOI.

and - this is my personal opinion (!) - psychiatry and spirituality are pretty much incompatible. I feel like it's two completely different directions on two different paths with two contradicting objectives...

Well after a long and boring story, all I have left are just tatters of faith in both. Life with one but not the other either means I live my own personal hell, or degenerate into something more subhuman.

you are your psyche!

That's a debate for another day.

 

[skinwalker]

Highly recommend the book "If you meet the buddah on the road, Kill Him!!" By sheldon kopp. This book has helped me immensely especially with integration of the content of my trips with psyches.
Pretty much the message is that therapists cannot give answers, they are just another struggling human being. Understanding your own personal ills, will lead you on your journey to recovery.
My personal struggles weighed me down so much to the point I made myself physically ill...a very close brush with death...99% was related to social construction-always worried about everything, never found happiness/peace in anything. Alot of it had to relate to growing up in an absolutely imperfect world and not being happy with it...i have found peace despite not being the healthiest but it is my personal mission to be as happy as possible. What i got from the book was fuck what everyone thinks is best for me only I know, who are you to tell me (parents, government, doctors, friends....). But at the same time accepting all that is
Your already thinking out of the box with psyches
and continue to plan on doing so even after talking with the therapist......you have already gone down the rabbit hole....its just a matter of how far are you willing to go...there really is no turning back now.
Good luck on your journey to health/happiness!

 

[Rojo]

As an update, I met with my doctor yesterday and the meeting has only served to confirm several things:

- He doesn't know what he's trying to do.

- I don't know what he's trying to do, nor why I roll with it.

- The "issue" being a problem might be the only delusion in my mind, I've dismissed the idea that seeking help might've made things worse - but maybe the only thing making it worse is that I deviated from seeking someone to talk to who will just listen, to seeking someone with a quick fix.

- The whole thing boils down to what I'm willing to risk - and I'm beginning to reconsider the prices paid to receive psychiatric treatment, the costs are outweighing the rewards.

- I continue to trust a man who doesn't know what he's trying to do because I feel like I owe it to those who are concerned for my safety - but if I really cared about easing their fears, I'd actually do something that works for me. And it's beginning to feel like my current treatment of "two pills and a prayer" isn't doing what I feel is right. Hell, I feel toxic from popping 450mgs of bupropion daily - which is right on the verge of causing seizures.


So those things being brought to light, I've decided to experiment with returning to my "pre-treatment" state by abstaining from the medicine for a while - to see if it was really as bad as I thought it was, or if I had made a mountain out of a molehill I've lived with for nineteen years prior.

I figure three to four weeks, all the medicine will have been cleaned out of my system - and then I can make some observations about where to go from there. EDIT: Research indicates it takes five half-lives for a medicine to be fully removed from your system, after some math I learned it would take a week to eight days.