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  • TDS Moderators: AlphaMethylPhenyl | paranoid android

rough child hood=drug use?

Druggyjs-Seems like you experienced a lot of instability, to say the least hun. This must have been really difficult for a kid to deal with. It amazes me how strong you seem. Have you talked to your Mom/family about any of this? Are you saying that you would rather not let it out or ...
I'd imagine you must feel pretty angry ???
<3
 
druggyjs said:
Do any of you guys feel any sense of relief talking about this if you havnt shared these stories with close friends or family I recommend doin that it makes you feel a tad bit better inside weather you know it or not
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I'll be honest but telling people about my sexual abuse definitely doesn't make me feel better. I will say it mainly to show people that I'm ok with it and accept myself not that I'm looking for a solution. I did psychotherapy for 6 years and the shrink kept trying to convince me that it was imperative to "analyze" in order to make me feel better about it. And I kept asking him "how is reliving something so traumatic suppose to make me feel better?" and he'd come out with all this psychobabble nonsense that even as a psych major I didn't buy into.
The guy was a great shrink but that wasn't why I went there and at least once a week he'd bring up the abuse and I'd tell him "I'm fine I don't need to talk about it". That actually kinda pissed me off too. I had went into therapy cause I had real life problems going on that were unfixable. I think thats why a lot of people go to therapy honestly. Although you don't think the shrinks going to solve all your problems you still think they will give you advice that will allow you to solve them. And shrinks don't give advice. They don't do much of anything really then repeat back what you said to them which they seem to think is some type of therapeutic strategy. I mean honestly even when I took my clinical psych class where we learned all the ins and outs of talk therapy I began to hate talk therapy due to how utterly stupid some of the "strategies" were.

I honestly tend to think something like a life coach is more useful in a lot of cases then a shrink. They outline a specific plan for you and complete it. Many shrinks don't offer any sort of plan or solution at all. Their "plans" are just to investigate this and that and "explore" and "analyze" and apparently thats suppose to make you feel better. All I know is I went into therapy with an open mind, loving psychology, loving the idea of it all, even loved my shrink cause he was a smart man and great as his job.... but with all that considered the therapy was still 100% useless and talking really did nothing at all to solve my problems.
CBT on the other hand or life coaches like I said are much better. They are behavoir oriented and focus on the now. They will tell you straight up you can talk about something for the next 100 year but unless you act on it and change your behavoir nothing is likely going to improve. I do believe in talking about problems but I believe in doing it in a way that focused on behavoir first and thought last. As the problem with so many people I see is that they talk talk talk about their problems, but never really want to do anything about it.

So no talking doesn't really make me feel better at all. However DOING SOMETHING SPECIFIC that will actually help alleviate or rid the problem does make me feel better. You know when you want an orgasm you're not going to find someone to talk to about sex, you're going to find someone to fuck. Likely a terrible analogy but talking about things really does have its limits imo as to what it can actually fix in your life.
 
Bojangles69 said:
I'll be honest but telling people about my sexual abuse definitely doesn't make me feel better.
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Couldn't agree more - I try to converse about it like anything else and not let it stop me in explaining who I am etc ... But I feel NO relief or any positive emotion from it - it's done and I have accepted it like you stated.
 
when i was about 3 years old i used to spin in circles until i fell down laughing and dizzy as hell. i think that was probably my first attempt at getting high.
regardless of the crap that happened later, my curiousity would have lead me to experiment w/ substances anyway.
-izzy
 
^^ I am one of those people who actually benefits from putting memories to the very back of my mind, locking them up, and not letting them surface.

But back on the drugs, I have always had a sporadic addictive personality. I have always had addictive tendencies with my computer (missing school to play games, I still check all my emails/forums first thing when I wake up, ect). So maybe that had more to do with it than problems during my upbringing. Or maybe the "escape" feeling you get when you play computer games was addictive to me because of my upbringing, and drugs just provided the next level of "escape".

Damn now this is bugging me (I want to know!).
 
I honestly do not know if I started drugs because of my rough childhood or not. Sometimes I think I've just got into it because of the people I was around especially family members. I was even in foster care where a lot of abuse of different kinds went on...this was at the age of 3 but my mother got me out. I ended up repressing everything up until basically when I was fifteen and things hit me full force. It was not a good feeling at all. Other than that once I got out of foster care I was definitly a changed kid, I wasn't the same and honestly I'm still not the same person I probably would have been. I also grew up with a father who was abusive and a drug addict/alcoholic. We were forced out of two of our apartments because of him (we made every payment it's just he wasn't welcomed after a certain point). Then we moved to pennsylvania when I was twelve and my mother married the guy she use to be in love with back in high school. They found each other again. Things were great until he started being an abusive prick and controlling...I honestly think though after that point I started using drugs to kind of forget about everything going around me. No one even knows about my drug use not even my friends. Like my friends know I've done mdma or acid....or smoked weed here and there but no one knows about my addictions with opiates and benzos ect. So basically when I'm home and I'm going through withdrawal sick as a dog my mom doesn't even know anything. It's like I'm going through everything alone. I sometimes wish I never started drinking or smoking weed with my brother cause then he started giving me other drugs and this and that. Started drinking and driving with me all the time. We almost died one night but did I care at the time, no? But now we don't get along or anything after last summer...honestly he's dead to me and we use to be real close. So now I'm here and I'm just left alone to think why the fuck did I start using drugs? I'm seventeen years old and I already am an addict. I was an honor roll student still was but then I stopped caring about everything... I mean I possibly could have had more than what I have now.
 
always been able to latch onto something, and go all ADD on it. From an early age it was Legos, and lots of them.

I hit my teens, and from there it was music, mechanics, and drugs. natural adrenaline and other endorphins counted heavily.

Then it was off to the Army after 9/11 and being married..... an though I only smoked dope once on leave in Amsterdam, an some hash in Iraq....... I only drank or did "legal" alternatives.

I was a middle-class, military brat, child of divorce (at 3yrs old) before all that.
But no abuse or anything..... just parents separated by distance , but that was amiable and regular.

And after?..... after bein hurt and divorced and such...... I'm here, ain't I? Drugs are about the only thing I've recourse to for entertainment and introspection.
 
There have been studies linking trauma to substance abuse...something about how early trauma changes your physical brain structure. So yeah, it's a valid theory.

For me, I was never molested, abandoned or seriously beat by my parents. BUT. I lived in a verbally abusive household where my parents hated each other. Both were somewhat mentally ill. My lil' bro was born with health problems and we weren't exactly rich (but not broke). Very racist, sexist small town. So yeah. That definitely played a small role for me. More than anything, I use drugs to treat physical issues (fatigue, pain, etc.).
 
Lady Codone said:
.....More than anything, I use drugs to treat physical issues (fatigue, pain, etc.).
Click to expand...

It's funny how drugs for me have been cyclical... first as a kid, as medicine. Then later, for kicks and mind expansion too. But after being hurt, the focus of my drug use went to it as a medicine.... luckily, I kicked the one drug that rode me hard for years...... I was introduced to morphine due to my war injuries. With that, its a fine line between anesthesia & analgesia..... and I overly much enjoyed the anesthesia part. ßo guess where my drug focus went back to for a while?
8)
Now, its medicinal (of my own devising) for me, and hopefully to stay that way.

Bad childhoods can send a person either way..... either they sink or swim. But the same can be said for anyone...... the brain is capable of pretty wild things on its own.
 
My childhood wasn't great but it wasn't the worst thing ever. Had a lot of mental pain more than anything (although I still feel like there are repressed memories that I have not dealt with related to some sort of abuse....) Also addiction runs in my fam (absentee dad was an alcoholic, sibling is an addict). I know I use drugs and alcohol to cope/escape mental stuff, but I'm done using my "past" or my "feelings" as an excuse. I just use because a) I like being drunk and high, and b) I can't always cope with life and my emotions (I have several psychiatric disorders) and substances are a crutch for me. *shrug*

But I think you will find that a LOT of people with addiction issues have suffered some sort of trauma in their past and/or have psychiatric issues on top of addiction. Moreso than not.
 
i had a stereotypical upbringing for a person who has substance abuse issues, alcoholic and very fucking crazy mum who died when i was 9, following that a father who gambled away his social security cheque every fortnight

Whilst all that could sound dramatic (and it was) i have never doubted my parents love for me and don't harbour any resentments

started smoking weed at 14, other drugs e.g lsd, speed e and little bit of heroin when i was 16

the funny thing is i have never blamed my drug use on anything but the fact i like getting high, but maybe there is a correlation between a traumatic upbringing and using drugs at a young age

i have just turned 30, still smoking weed everyday, addicted to opiates and drink way to much, i hold down a respectable job in a very conservative woprking environment and i am about to start a family with my partner, my only aim is to not make the same mistakes my parents made

obviously relieving myself from physical addiction to opiates will be a start to not making those mistakes, thankfully my partner is the most stable and down to earth person i have ever encountered, so my kids are guranteed one parent who is not a fuck up

sorry for digressing
 
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youre only a productive of your environment if you choose to be

i had a horrible family but i didnt do any drugs until was i rid of them....after that it was just for fun
 
childhood? no. Teens? fucking yes. Not roughness as much as lying thouh if it counts. If i had never lied, id be getting as and bs. fuck...
 
have friends that have been molested by family members when they were very young. It's not something you forget. But how you deal with it differs greatly.

Did she grow up to be a junkie? No. She is currently a married mother of a very adorable baby girl.

So I think the situation only matters so much...it's the actions you take that lead you to the path of a sober or addicted life. Nothing is predetermined, everything you do in the here and now will have an effect or consequence. But things such as drug use are up to the individual, no one forces someone to cling to a substance for dear life.
 
its weird....i had a great childhood, my parents were never rich id say, but well off enough that i pretty much never wanted for anything, plus 2 loving parents that were a little more overbearing than most i think....and i think THAT is what got me into drugs, the were constantly trying to scare me about drugs, even tho they both used to smoke pot in the 70s...i tried beer and pot and was like hey this stuff isnt bad at all, i wonder what other drugs are like lol...
 
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