so how did it all start for YOU?

[charcoal]

I'm high, so a thousand apologies if this is the wrong place, a duplicate post, or if I'm just another stupid n00b.


My first experience with drugs started 11 years ago by accident. It was a benzo, and at the time I had recently lost my mind from some very large stressers that had happened in my childhood. I was being treated for crippling depression when, long story short, a dr gave me some benzos. Thus began my love affair benzos that exists to this day. The last 11 years have been a psychiatric nightmare, culminating with a diagnosis of epilepsy two years ago - NOT related to drug use, I was having a form of seizure as a child and complained all the time about the weird symptoms they were causing, and was told I was being a hypochondriac.

I was, and still am, extremely angry about a lot of things from my childhood as well as suffering from PTSD from something that happened that I have told almost no one about. Benzos became an instant best friend straight from the hands of the Devil. They saved me and damn near killed me. My self injury (cutting) became physically quite dangerous and often because I was extremely high at the time of the cutting. I was so goddamn sick and still reeling from it all. I may never be better.

So, benzos were my gateway drug. There was a brief time I drank, but I have an allergy to alcohol and at one point I washed a bottle of Valium down with a couple shots of vodka, cut up my arms and collapsed bloody, naked and covered in puke on the bathroom floor. No more drinking for me.

The benzo use continued until about 3 years ago when I seemed to be surrounded by a lot of opiates, so I decided to welcome those into my life. They are equally, if not better than the benzos.

For a while I fiddled with stimulants but utterly hated them. I tried pot once too and didn't like it.



Where did your use of drugs begin? Any particular reason (trying to silence something in your head? Trying to forget something?) or were you just extremely curious?


Thanks for the inebriated whine on my part. I'm looking forward to being a part of this community.

 

[Asclepius]

Welcome Charcoal!

That is not a 'whine' in my book. Thanks for sharing you're story, its valued here.
Cant believe you were dismissed and labeled a 'Hypochondriac' as a kid!

I was a cutter too and had a very distructive relationship with a parent from the age of 8 onwards. It's still something I'm dealing with, and that I am resentful about, even at this late stage but its a million miles away from what it was. Sometimes I just cant deal with anything to do with my family-its more turbulent, than it is peaceful.

I started abusing sleeping pills at 11. I really wanted to get away from everything, I couldnt pay attention at school and felt disconnected most of the time and trapped. I got caught out stealing the Valium and other pills(still not sure what kind of sedative they were?) and basically used inhalents, glue, weed and drank. I wanted to stop feeling self-hatred, most of all.

I grew up in a very strictly, controlled enviroment. I wasnt able to get away with anything unless I was extremly stealthy but I wasn't just concerned with rebellion, esp up to my mid teens. I was pretty depressed most of the time, even before puberty, as I had alot of emotional and physical crap thrown my way.
So, yeah some of it was curiosity but I was more interested in alleviating intolerable, feelings than being concerned with being a kid/teenager(from the age of 8 upwards especially). Was a pretty quiet kid, I had no choice but to be, TBH.
I did get Councelling in my late teens, which I didnt find helpful, after I ran away from home. I think this kicked off the 'acting out' even more and I made several suicide attempts and most of my late teens was sabotged by feeling insane; I was taking alot of stimulants at this stage too.
I received invaluable PsychoTherapy coming into my 20's which changed alot for me, for the better and am very grateful to have had it.


Hope that answers your questions?

Take a look around the Threads as well charcoal, am sure you will find some that will meet some of the issues you have alluded to here(PTSD/Abuse/Self Harm and so on)

There are alot of TDS'ers who will be able to relate to you're post here. Feel free to pm me if you have any questions at all.

 

[60units]

Before I even started smoking I found some Vicodin in the medicine cabinet so I looked them up on the good old internet and found out I could get high on them. Thus began my long love affair with opiates. God I wish I could still get high on a couple 5 mg hydros. Hell, I wish I could still get high on 20 of them.

 

[anterrabae]

Might be just my opinion, but I think most kids start using either 'cause their friends do, or because they want to escape the reality they're in.

For me it was the former. At 14, my best friend's older brother was 'the' dealer of our high school. So he introduced us to pot. About half a year later, he had us try opium and hash. Then at 15, I took my first mushroom trip.

I was severely depressed in my early teen years, and discovered really gross, nasty, cheap-ass vodka in my basement. Would drink it straight from the big plastic bottle but stopped once I blacked out. I woke up once after a binge with dirt and grass on my socks.

In the meantime, I was always cutting myself. Not sure it really constitutes as a drug, but it was severely addicting and I had to do it every day. After a year, my parents noticed and sent me to therapy. I still harm myself to this day if I'm really stressed.

So back to the drugs, my best friend's mother died after a long illness. Her older brother, the dealer, always told us to stick with the 'easier' drugs; pot and shrooms, some alcohol. Three months after his mother passed, he was found dead on a friend's couch the morning after a party. A heroin overdose.

I started working at a drugstore whilst all this tragedy went on, and stole cigarettes from behind the counter (does nicotine count?). I would chain smoke entire packs while walking my dog trying to get addicted. After a month, it never happened, thank god.

Met a friend at this place of work, she gave me ketamine to snort. Didn't really know how to snort anything so I ended up just feeling tipsy.

I then began work at a vet and met one of my still current friends (who is now drugfree and a proud mother of two), she introduced me to painkillers but was still too obsessed with pot to really get into them much.

On to college, I spend or, rather, waste a whole year smoking up all day everyday. It's during this time I try pure MDMA for the first and only time. Fucking awesome. These activities along with coming off of Effexor after 4 years cause a psychotic break which require me to be committed for a month, but this time for psychosis, not suicide attempts.

After that lovely experience, I never liked pot quite the same. Still don't. Eventually my lawyer friend offered to give me some coke to try and whippits. The whippits I tried without any encouragement...the coke took some more. She just said, 'it's no big deal'. Sure. Thanks, friend. I still wish I never tried it.

Sooooo I believe that's it. Except for DXM, dabbled in that a bit. Got to third plateau. And salvia. Thought I was on a pirate ship for five minutes then felt gross. Never again.

Nowadays I use mostly opiates and alcohol. I like a good trip now and then, but not too often. So, like most statistics, it all started with a little joint in the local park down the block.

Edit: Forgot to mention benzos, but they're part of my psych treatment and never used em before then.

 

[ColdNorth]

Not whiny, your story gives something to think about. =)

I started after being sent to a psychiatric ward at age 15 for being defiant (not agreeing) with my teachers and dropping out from high school. They put me on many meds and I remember how much I loved my first 'real high' from sleeping pills. They made me do all sorts of crazy stuff like break out my window and wander the compound at night with no memories of it but apparently that wasn't cause for concern. When I was released, I went all out with alcohol until I discovered weed. Some time into that I got started on harder drugs but the gateway argument does not apply to weed here. 17 years later I'm finally close to being done with most drugs. Can't say it's ALL been negative.

There might be a 'right' weed strain yet for you out there, but I guess it's better to stay clear of that if you don't like the effect in general. The benefits and drawbacks vary from person to person (and often strain to strain) but it's pretty clear that from purely a safety standpoint, weed stands out from other illicit drugs.

 

[duo3]

This is something that has always interested me. Actually I've always wondered how people got into so called harder drugs. It seems weed and even ecstasy are more easily shared and introduced to those who have never done drugs. But how does one move from drugs that people are more likely to view as socially acceptable to drugs that are not? Are those that do heroin or meth introduce first timers as much as people who smoke weed? I get asked countless times to smoke weed but not meth. It seems that people are not as willing to disclose their meth or heroin habit. But if that's the case, how does one get introduced to it?

 

[theartofwar]

started at age ten after rape - weed till current age 25
for my 12th bday i got coke - do that on n off still
by 14 mdma was everrrrywhere (late 90s was a beautiful time , 180mg mdma rolls)
psychs in general started around then.

Then I got that evil script for percocets ... I felt like THIS is how my life should be - this was what i needed to be happy. 9 years after this, I am just now getting clean time under my belt from heroin habitual daily use...

Throughout all of it, rx'd klonopin / xanax / adderall / dexedrine

started doin meth maybe once every 3 months around 19-20 , not my drug of choice and don't do it too often.

most recently , dronin my way around.

Drugs were and have been my escape from myself , my past. I am trying hard to balance any and all use with therapy as I move forward and take responsibility.

 

[Kipo]

Well, I was 13/14 and my friends had all started smoking bud and drinking. So, I lied and said I had been doing it in secret. I did it like once every two months until the end of sophmore year. Then I started drinking heavily, passed out drunk at school. Swore to never drink again. By the end of june I was already drinking. Passed out drunk at scool again. Got legal charges that time, then started smoking bud like 1-2 times a week with a friend. Then It became habitual and I was ditchng school to smoke in my bathroom. Did it till the end of the year, then when school ended my hookups were too far. Also dabbled in dxm a bit. 3 weeks sober now, and I'm feeling alot better. Idk if I will do it again, but if the oportunity presented itself, i wouldnt turn it down.

And if lying is a drug, I have overdosed many a time. But thats another story.

 

[theartofwar]

^ I know a guy who compulsively lies - it really frustrates me as he is a childhood friend. I have caught him in SO many lies and he just will not admit it , denial denial denial. I am glad to hear you admit it - I wish you the best. I mean this with no bashing intended , but when I find out someone lies it is SO hard to deal with them as a friend - you never know what is true. You are YOUNG - this is a wgreat time to deal with this bro, I wish you the best of luck . Take care.

 

[Kipo]

^ I know a guy who compulsively lies - it really frustrates me as he is a childhood friend. I have caught him in SO many lies and he just will not admit it , denial denial denial. I am glad to hear you admit it - I wish you the best. I mean this with no bashing intended , but when I find out someone lies it is SO hard to deal with them as a friend - you never know what is true. You are YOUNG - this is a wgreat time to deal with this bro, I wish you the best of luck . Take care.

Thanks, it's good to hear. Being exposed was and is, one of my worse fears. It may be biased, but I would try to take it easy on your friend. I don't know why he lies, but I can tell that I do it because I feel the need to hide behind a shell. I never had any childhood trauma or anything like that, I just dont want people to know me. And nobody in my entire life ever did. I would really, try to ignore it. Thats what I want my friends to do, it just piles up and up and up. Then you want to get rid of it and you can't. I'm not saying you should ignore it, I dont even have my shit figured out yet, plus I dont even know where your friend is coming from, but thats just my stance. I don't know where I'm going with this. So I'll just end it awkwardly like this.

 

[STEROIDS4kids]

I got drunk at 13 and it was awesome! I remember feeling pure euphoria. Started drinking more at 15, drank more than enough at 17-21, now at 26 i drink sometimes, but not too often.

First time i smoked hash was with my dad at 16, felt pretty good about that drug. Ever since i have had periods of on/off smoking, sometimes months.

I started having severe panic attacks out of nowhere at 16-17, i was sure i was going to die or that i had some kind of extreme heart condition. I was examined thoroughly and then one doc gave me xanax and it was like everything bad just went away. I felt like i was in a warm, fuzzy cloud and NOTHING bothered me. After that i had periods without benzos, but they were relatively brief. Now i'm still using xanax medically and could not live a normal life without it.

I have tried all kinds of RX drugs and i've been offered, countless street drugs, but i always turned them down, except for weed. The best RX drug i have tried (Dr. injected me because of severe food poisoning.) is/was Morphine. I felt like i was floating. I've always liked all kinds of downers and never liked any "uppers" they just make me anxious.

All and all, i have had a pretty tough life, but everyone has a sad story. I'm just glad i can finally live at least somewhat normally. Sometimes doing ANYTHING is nearly impossible, because of panic/anxiety issues, but as long as i try things will be at least acceptable.

 

[theartofwar]

Thanks, it's good to hear. Being exposed was and is, one of my worse fears. It may be biased, but I would try to take it easy on your friend. I don't know why he lies, but I can tell that I do it because I feel the need to hide behind a shell. I never had any childhood trauma or anything like that, I just dont want people to know me. And nobody in my entire life ever did. I would really, try to ignore it. Thats what I want my friends to do, it just piles up and up and up. Then you want to get rid of it and you can't. I'm not saying you should ignore it, I dont even have my shit figured out yet, plus I dont even know where your friend is coming from, but thats just my stance. I don't know where I'm going with this. So I'll just end it awkwardly like this.

I do bro - I have dealt with this for nearly 14 years now - the problem is his lying has put me in troublesome areas , and he has made up bullshit about me to make himself look much better. I do my best to accept he is doing this due to a mental problem - it is very hard, I just commend you for working on it NOW , not later.

 

[brandiisamonkey]

I believe my into to drugs began around the age of 13. I was always the new kid in school which was always hella tough on me. I was severely depressed about that as well as other things in my life so I started taking OTC sleeping pills. I just wanted to not have to deal with my life any more than I needed to. I should probably mention that I already had a drinking "problem" before this as well. I believe I started drinking on my own around 10 or so? I'm not really sure when that began since growing up in Louisiana it's fairly common for your parents or family to introduce you to drinking at quite a young age.
I never smoked pot until I was 19, I smoked about 3 times and decided at that time it wasn't for me and just continued with the alcohol. I didn't pick up smoking again until I was 21. I remember I had been sleeping like crap and I was now basically immune to OTC sleeping pills my boyfriend at the time smoked really good pot so I thought it couldn't hurt to help me have a better nights sleep. I was right, I have never slept so good as I did that night. Never again though lol. I smoked every day for about 2 years after that. The next thing I tried was Valium. I remember coming home from work one day and was with the same guy, he and his roommate were sitting on the couch just looking like they were happy as can be, this of course made me in my already unhappy state even more meh. I asked what they had taken and I asked If I could have one. I only took a half that time and the best way I can describe my first ever experience with Valium is "marshmellow clouds". When he and I broke up I stopped smoking and drinking for about 2 years.
Two years later I was in a new city. I met some people who smoked and quickly fell back into the smoking lifestyle. The only difference was now I was smoking ALL day every day. Before work after work and sometimes during work. I was always high. Then my first Xanax was offered to me. I was having a party at my house and one of my co-workers offered me a Bar, I not knowing what it was asked what it would do and how much I should take. I took a quarter of a bar my first time, another glorious experience. About a month or so later I somehow hurt my back and wouldn't you know that very day a co-worker was selling Lortabs, somas, and perkocets. I decided to buy 2 Lt's and 4 Somas at that time. I took one Lt and one soma my first time. My back felt better and I felt euphoric. This was just my into the world of pills. I also got into hallucinogens around this time and have tried acid, 2c-i, 2c-b, and mushrooms. The only one I've had a bad experience with was mushrooms, they just don't work for me and make me rather ill feeling. I've also tried extacy 2 times and refuse to do it again only because one of those times it was NOT x and it was just an awful experience, to this day I still do not know what was in that tab.
At the age of 24 I got into speed. I started with adderall. I was taking up to about 60mg a day. Then someone at my job introduced me to cocaine. It was love at first sniff. It made me high when adderall did not. It tasted amazing and it was a chatty speed rather than an introverted speed like adderall, and I Loved the drip, I loved how it made my face go numb. I got really bad off on coke, at my worst I was was still snorting adderall with coke and was doing about and 8 ball a day along with the occasional Lortab or xanax mixed in. I was never a greedy coke head though and like to do my speed with others so I cannot know for sure exactly how much I was doing. I finally stopped doing coke permanently 2 years after I started doing it and have not done it in 2 years. I am surprised that I survived it actually.
When I stopped doing coke I basically had to find something else to fill the void that it left. I got into pills hard core. I was taking about 5 xanabars a day then switched to 15 kalnopin a day for a while, Valium when I could find it. Then I started my addiction to pain killers. It started with Lortabs, went to perkocets, and roxys and oxycotin and oxycodone and methadone. Even though I took them daily I never developed a super high tolerence for them like I did with the anxiety meds. I took maybe at my worst about 60 or 70mg a day of whichever one I had at the time. I stopped taking all of the pills about 6 months ago... I've been doing relatively well though I found a Lortab in my wallet and immediately took it. I still cannot say no to the pills like I can to the speed.
Now pretty much all I do is smoke. I'd love to have another trip someday but that was never addicting for me and I don't see a problem in that. I do know that most of my drug use stemmed from problems that I never dealt with in life that I am finally dealing with. I can say that I am actually much happier now, without the massive amounts of chemicals flowing through my body all the time. I still pop an occasional pill or venture into something new, but the difference is now I am in control of my drug use and the drugs are not in control of me...

 

[snafu]

Everyone around me said that drugs were bad, so of course I had to start doing them.

 

[Kipo]

I do bro - I have dealt with this for nearly 14 years now - the problem is his lying has put me in troublesome areas , and he has made up bullshit about me to make himself look much better. I do my best to accept he is doing this due to a mental problem - it is very hard, I just commend you for working on it NOW , not later.

Ahhh, I understand. Is he lying about you?

 

[theartofwar]

yes Kipo, he threwme under the bus with a friend of mine sayin that i said we had fucked n all this bullshit (we had but i NEVER said shit about it ) and it ruined the frinedship, and that shit really fucking sucked man. Good friends are real hard 2 get, then some chump who lies ABOUT me runins it ? Worst part is she is just now believing me , after months , and i mean why she trused his dude is BEYOND me..... heveryone knos him as a pathalogical liar... i dunno man

 

[charcoal]

Everyone around me said that drugs were bad, so of course I had to start doing them.

In grade school every year was an anti drug rally where every kid who wanted to go (and were horribly encouraged to go) were bussed to some huge building in town and attended. For years my friends begged me to come with them and I always refused. FINALLY I said yes......I had no idea what I was getting myself into......some sort of cult/religious nightmare for the Whole. Day. The only good part about the adventure was sitting in a hallway eating my bagged lunch.


A couple years ago the anti drug people set up shop outside the mall near me and I couldn't avoid them as I came in the doors. This young lady runs up to me and proceeds to blab out her prerecorded bullshit and I just smiled and nodded. I was high as a fucking kite. I don't even remember what she said, I was too busy watching the big gold cross on her necklace bounce around.

 

[Ninjetic]

Ok I'll share I guess.....
It started wayyyy early for me.
When I was born I was choking on umbilical cord and didn't have a good chance at surviving birth. I didn't scream when the doc spanked me on the butt....bad sign apparently.
Lots and lots of incubation, had tubes put in my ears yada yada. Fast forward to the age of 5, I fell out of a cart at a warehouse style store and landed clear on my head (onto concrete), lots of memories missing from that time.....
At the age of 10, my mom started dosing me with ritalin (no script tho, probly off the street lol)
2 years later I was perscribed ritalin and prozac, to "even me out"
Became the angriest kid in 6th grade, got in fights everyday cuz I was different thanks to my red hair. In highschool I was put on aderall, things got crazy. First chance I got I started doing any drug I could get my hands on (weed, benzos, coke, meth, opiates, mdma, mda) tried to die many times, got cocaine psychosis (funny thing about that is I had speed psychosis everyday thanks to the doc upping my aderall script anytime I yelled at him or pissed him off) smoked crack once and had a small heart attack. My motto back in my teen years was "try to die"
I'm 25 now and I look back at all the shit my parents put me thru (my dad is an ex drill seargeant and my mom is a teacher) I have so much hate for my family, can't stand any of them, they are the reason I'm prone to binge drinking (alcoholism runs deep in my hillbilly alabama heratige) shit sucks but I'm still here. I left home at 21 after going to jail for weed (shits better now tho)

 

[Indecisive]

Thread hasnt been posted in in awhile, but ill share still. My mother told me my (alcoholic) father would fill my sippy cups with his alcohol when i was little, which would technically be my first expeirence i guess you could say, though i dont remember it myself. When i started into the drug world at age eleven i was searching for a way out of the real world. I grew up in a very strict enviroment aswell as being emotional abused and watching my mother and half brother physically abused by my dad, i didnt know how to deal. My neighbor, i knew smoked weed and the day we began dating, i asked him if i could try it when he did it. Wasnt quite what i was looking for so on went my curiousity to still find a way out. By twelve i was heavily drinking till i was seventeen. When i was fourteen/fifteen i began with xtc and coke at 16 and regularly switched between the two, trying to never come down to the real world. I ran away when i was 16 and finally found a stable place when i was seventeen, two hours from "home". It was a whole new world and scene for me. I left the city and went to the country. After a night of coke ( i stayed with my dealer and childhood friend who were dating) i was way to strung out and i remember him saying "your nose is gonna start twitching, here try this.." and he broke up my first pain pill, a lortab 5mg. Had i known then, what i know now...i never would have done it. .that was it, i found my drug. I fell inlove and by that night had my first oc20. I never touched any of the previous drugs again from that day. So i quickly climbed the strengths and went on to heroin, left my nose for a needle. Picked up benzos along the way while i got treatment for major depressive disorder and generalized anxiety disorder. After many years here i am now on suboxone, lexapro, and xanax. Fresh into therapy and all else, trying to finally face the real world. And i still dont like it lol i want to run back to my dope and quick fix everything again but iv ruined my life, legally an so on. So i gotta suck it up lol i love this thread, iv always loved hearing another persons story...more detailed then mine but didnt want to ramble more than i am anyway great idea!

Edit:: wow i forgot somethings ill make it short. While living in the country, before opiates i stumbled upon mushrooms, 2ci, crack (hated it), pcp (accident lol) and special k aswell as various other types of pills. Im sure iv forgotten some but not important and my memory is destroyed so. Lol

 

[theotherside]

First was 5/500 hydrocodone.......and I still can't get over hydrocodone
I remember trying to figure out what this feeling was and now I wish I never would have.
I tripped about 4 months after that and never took another opiate until college.
That is my story and I'm sticking to it.