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Suicidal Tendencies with Relation to Breakups

You got us on here hun and thanks BTW!:) <3

Asclepius, it is really an honor to have been sought out by you, as you seem a highly intelligent individual with superior intuition and an incredible emotional intelligence.
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...and a tremendiously,terrible overuser of heart smileys ATM apparently :o


Dont let your loneliness sabotage yourself, its okay to be lonely temporarily -there are other people in the world and inner-lonliness is the hardest of all, when you aren't listening to yourself.
You dont have to seperate from him straight away, you can be with him but it seems he and everything around him is blotted by Toxicity and severe dysfunction ATM.
Just look at all the disharmonious drama that is going on for everyone and how it is being minimised and perpetuated?... you need to stand back from it.

Set some serious and powerful boundries for yourself...do this to quench your feelings of insecurity, do this because you dont need to be pawning out your emotions to anyone who will use/abuse them. This can seem hard but it will empower you and that is what you are craving, that is what you are really lonely for Anterrabae.

Drama can keep you caught in a Toxic web of bad relationships. Do not invest in it. Dont show your hand and keep yourself 'warm' and aspire for nothing but what you deserve(which is certainly not this). You have TDS and there will be plenty of people for you and worthy of your freindship/company/relationship of whatever kind etc to get involved with; when you get your strength back and start to trust yourself again.
Meanwhile, be gentle with yourself and hard on your self-doubt.

Get yourself some Anger woman-you have alot to be angry about!!!! Obviously I dont mean go nuts but let your anger work for you, instead of swallowing it and feeding your self-defeat. ;)
Emotional blackmailers will steal your energy, they will drain you and use you intentionally/not, to keep their own strength afloat.
This is not really a relationship-it is a power struggle and that is why you feel so terrible and useless.
Start to treat yourself to things, start giving yourself Time, Love and all the stuff that you feel you need. You dont need this loser to validate who you are-who you are is good enough , as is, PERIOD!!!! Anyone who tries to maintain blackmailing you into feeling bad, with no reasonable, fair/loving justification is a LIAR!
If he uses his little daughter as a pawn be wary of this(I feel immensley sorry for his/their children ;(), he sounds like he is feeding off of you-dont let him! If you feel protective of her make sure its your choice, dont let him use her for his selfish needs to entrap you. He is a liar and cannot be trusted, that is all. His ex also sounds manipulative/deluded/both -maybe she has changed her ways, who knows, he still sounds like he is trying to control her and you. He sounds like a really sick,puppy Ant.:/

Take time out whenever you need for yourself and dont let anyone play your emotions, dont rise to that crap-dont show them anything of yourself. They wont respect it.
Fight for your power...these are only affirmations until you try to put them into practice.

You are a strong lady to have come this far, you have your own issues and addictions to deal with, dont go chasing the enemy to confirm your self -doubt.
Take care of yourself <3
 
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Thank you for your continued support Asclepius, it really means a lot.

It's ironic that you bring up him trying to manipulate me with the 5 year old, because he already has. I have been thinking about it, there's really nothing else on my mind today actually. I can't stay in that situation. It would only do me harm. I'm emotionally fragile enough as it is.

But I really am going to miss that little girl, as well as the ferret I rescued and gave to him. But I have to think of self preservation for once. I just want this day to be over, I want to get my necklace, go home and never return to that place. And sleep. Didn't sleep at all last night.

I already mourned enough last night, I'm done. Thank you for being here for me.
 
I got my necklace back. I spoke to him and apparently I was only kicked out because I was in a bad mood, not because he was breaking up with me. Mindfuck much?
 
I'm letting it go, not getting back into it, and it's my decision now. So why do I feel suicidal?
 
I'm so goddamn spineless, I don't know what to do. I shouldn't have stopped taking my meds. But aren't SSRIs meant for the short term?
 
You're not spineless hun, dont put yourself down, these are just very, strong feelings of abandonment and they will pass. <3
I am not minimising how you are feeling at all but just try and remember that your feelings cant annihalate you, even though they feel overwhelming and intense.
This is not an all or nothing situation, you can see him again if you want /not. Nobody has died. Try to keep yourself grounded in the present. <3


Glad you got your bracelet back too btw too;)

Have you you considerd receiving any Therapy at the mo Ant, it may help to have that extra support on your side while goin through tough changes, personally I found Psychotherapy really helpful but there are so many other options too? Not too long ago I was seeing a counsellor for a period after the break up and it helped ease things just having someone there once a week, that was some comfort...ya know what I mean?
 
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I was suggested cognitive behavioral therapy because of how much it helps with anxiety. But I never really liked the idea of it and experienced a lot of poor therapists.
 
Is important to keep looking for someone that you intuitively 'click' with alright. Someone who puts you at ease and that you trust as well. It is worth it if you do, especially if it helps you get your emotional quality of life back.
 
Maybe because he has said hurtful things to you. Most women don't take verbal abuse well, and you shouldn't have to endure it in the first place.

He isn't respecting you, and it is clear despite how you might feel temporarilym it might be better if you leave him while you still have the upperhand.

anterrabae said:
I'm so goddamn spineless, I don't know what to do. I shouldn't have stopped taking my meds. But aren't SSRIs meant for the short term?
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Randomly discontinuing SSRI's can cause horrible withdrawal-like symptoms as well as cause suicidal feelings. I would suggest to use small amounts of alprazolam to help with coming off of SSRI's, and I would be careful to monitor how you feel. If you are experiencing very negative feelings, you might need to taper off of the SSRI's
 
You feel down because the situation sucks. Often times, it seems feelings don't listen to rationalisations that much. Even when you know something, unfortunately it doesn't seem to translate to that deep sadness and helplessness you feel. I don't really have much advice, as I'm in a similar situation myself at the moment. What I am trying to do, is trying not to get down on myself for being down. With me being a drug addict for so long in the past, I think it's in my head that feeling bad is just not ok and that I need to fix it straight away. And when I can't, I just get doubly down because I beat up on myself for feeling that way in the first place. I'm just trying to sit with my bad feelings and accept that they're here for the time being, and maybe that's ok.
 
Thanks for all the replies, everyone. I think my biggest problem in ending relationships is the change they produce. I find such comfort in familiarity and hate to see things change. Even if the change is for the better. It doesn't make sense.

footscrazy, I can totally relate to your 'I need a fix right now' mentality. I feel like that's how I was brought up since 16, take a pill, feel better. But now that I'm older, with access to pills that actually do provide a quick fix, it makes dealing with events such as this harder.

Since this thread is on suicide, and it's my thread, I thought I might post another question. I mostly felt like suicide because I had the means. The large amount of heavy opiates and benzos, and hanging myself is not a new experience. I wouldn't even consider myself as having been significantly depressed, just having a 'push' and a means... there's a part of my mind that tells me I have to.

Can anyone relate to that? Suicide, not as a means to escape a dark and depressed place, but as a plan just waiting to be executed. Something planned, not spur of the moment and desperate.
 
Well, as an update, as I had said before, what I had taken to understand what was a breakup was actually a fight...well, I ended it myself. I dumped HIS ass. CH, you were right on point with what you said, he had been taking advantage of me all along and I had just been naive to it. Whenever I would get upset with him, he would say I was being immature and irrational, but now looking back, it was quite the opposite.

CH, yes I realize discontinuing SSRIs can be very dangerous, I just saw my psych last week and I have gone back on my medication as well as an additional med. He even gave me extra *emergency* Klonopin for when I feel the urge to harm myself, since I mentioned that they help when I feel that way. My psych is very understanding I must say.

So I suppose no one can relate to my last question, perhaps I'm the only one. At any rate, I am no longer suicidal, and having taken the initiative and eliminating him from my life, I feel quite proud of myself and satisfied.

So again, thanks everyone who helped and replied, you have all given me great advice and incredible support. I love TDS community!
 
^I dont really understand your last question anterrabae TBH. Perhaps you are referring to Suicidal Ideation?

Am glad you are doing better now and you have actively contributed to making your own life better for yourself, you have every right to feel proud of yourself. ;)
 
anterrabae said:
Why is that whenever I get dumped, (yesterday evening, after 8 months) I feel suicidal regardless of how well the relationship was going? This currently quashed relationship was going nowhere, the guy had two kids from two different mothers, living with a roommate at 43 and is a mild alcoholic with no ambition.

I knew from the beginning it would go nowhere, I was simply lonely after a half decade long tryst with a very wonderful partner. It was always very superficial, often frustrating and the whole time I knew that I deserved and could have better. Yet I didn't budge.

I was actually planning on leaving him until he kicked me out (in front of his four year old daughter who adores me). Logically, I know it's for the better. Mentally, I want to kill myself, even though a good part of me feels very relieved to have him out of my life. I don't ever want to see or hear from him again, at all, ever.

And yet, I have about 500mgs of oxycodone and around 150mgs of alprazolam at hand, ready to eat and prepare a noose out of my dog's leash to slip into once I pass out to ensure I don't wake up.:|
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WOW can I relate to this. Two long-term back to back relationships (one was the love of my life, the last one is was engaged to), were horrible, horrible relationships that were making me miserable. I knew I deserved better, and I pushed to end both. But after the fact, I wanted to die. Literally. I am only now starting to understand this stuff has nothing to do with the person and is an emotionally inappropriate response to abandonment/separation (I don't mean that as a judgment, I mean from a standpoint of healthy vs unhealthy - and therefore that you can GET healthy).

I am sending you a TON of positive love and light and just HOPE you do not actually pick up those pills or do anything to harm yourself. After my last breakup, people were actually surprised I didn't kill myself (that's how bad I was). Now I look back and LAUGH that I was ever upset about losing that piece of shit. Just know that every second, every min, every hour, every day is bringing you just a tiny bit closer to feeling normal again. Use those thoughts to help yourself regain a hold on reality and keep yourself from doing anything to harm yourself.

My advice, don't get into another relationship until you do some personal, internal work and figure out why these extreme feelings are manifesting themselves. It's for your own health and safety and hopefully by the time the next guy comes along, you will be equipped to handle any bumps in the road that may occur.

Mainly I just want to convey that I get what you are going through and def feel your pain. <3

EDITED TO ADD: Should have read the whole thread, glad to hear you are doing better.
 
^^ Thank you for your support! I plan on staying single for a good while, not to worry. Although what I plan is not always how things turn out...
 
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