Thizzin,
Look at all this support.
There are 6, now 7, people telling you that you will make it.
Sure, there is one person telling you to 'go away', ignore that.
How far along are you in the recovery process?
This is among the most important of answers.
The odds are overwhelmingly in your favor that you will experience a 'clinical recovery' around 1-1.5 years. This means that your reported anxiety/depression will go away.
This also correlates with the time-frame for restoration of even blood distribution around the brain. Right now you are likely experiencing profound increases in blood flow to specific brain regions.
Serotonin has an impressive and direct effect upon capillaries. It plays a 'tug-of-war' with blood flow. You have likely severed many axonal extensions from the 5-HT cell bodies. Many will recover, some will not.
It is widely agreed upon as a fact that MDMA causes a 'reorganization of the ascending axonal structure'.
'Ascending' refers to the forward nature of the network. From the brainstem, the 5-HT network branches out towards the face. Right behind your eyes and forehead lies the Prefrontal Cortex. This is the 'highest' emotional center of your 'thinking brain'. It is what makes us human.
Animal research shows that the PFC is clearly vulnerable to damage in the 5-HT network. Human research, such as PET or SPECT scans, backs up this assessment.
The axons in this, the most distant region of the brain, are 'fiber-like'. Not only are they the most likely to be damaged, they are also the least likely to recover.
However, this 'recovery' is assumed to correlate with re-innervation patterns.
Re-innervation is eventually found, but it is not as dense. A gradient has been seen suggesting that the re-innervation that DOES occur, happens in a back-to-front manner. The rear of the PFC has a higher density of SERT axons than the front.
Regardless of this 'raw data', it is difficult to isolate specific cognitive differences among former MDMA users. Eventually sufferers experience a relief from the agony, with only modest cognitive deficits remaining.
A great silver lining seen in the 'raw data' is mentioned above.
Eventually, blood distribution returns to normal.
Despite abnormal re-innervation patterns...
Remember, serotonin has a direct impact upon blood flow.
Without restoration of original axonal densities, how can blood flow ever return to normal?
This is among the many mysteries of the brain, my friend.
Modifications to other neurotransmitter systems are suspected.
Regardless of how it happens, the brain is a highly plastic organ that is capable of 'recovering' from a variety of brain trauma.
It turns out that MDMA induced brain-trauma does NOT involve gliosis, or scar tissue, in the brain. Also, MDMA does not destroy the cell-body in the serotonin network - only axons.
These two factors, among others, may allow the brain to recover more completely than with other types of brain-injury!
That doesn't mean the process isnt horrible, though...
These changes in blood distribution in your brain are a part of the 're-wiring' process. There are thousands of cell-bodies pulsating with serotonin. They are pouring serotonin, which inhibits cellular function, into surrounding brain tissue. Eventually, a new axon and receptor site will appear.
This is an intense and horrible process, but the brain appears capable of handling it. Rarely, former users of MDMA experience stroke or brain infarction, even after months of abstinence. This is a result of this 're-wiring' process.
I do not bring this up to worry you, but simply to illustrate the reality of the 're-wiring' that is happening. Numbness or weakness in the arms or legs, especially on one side of the body, is considered a sign of stroke. There may be radial pain, which travels down the armpit to the palm of the hand. The bottoms of the hands and feet are directly linked to the serotonin network. Loss of speech is considered another classic sign of stroke.
Don't worry, many elderly not only survive strokes, but make good recoveries.
It is always recommended that they begin exercise immediately. Within six months, the majority of patients will exhibit their complete recovery potential.
If you can still move your arms and legs, you are doing fine.
Try to think of these strokes are 'almost-strokes' as necessary.
Remember, your brain is re-distributing capillaries.
The best treatment for 5-HT induced stroke is lowering body temperature. If you experience these symptoms again, apply ice-water to the face, head, and neck using a towel. It will help considerably.
Benzos are a good option, as well.
But taking them regularly would be among the greatest of mistakes you could make right now.
MDMA reduces anxiety during the roll, but only after a period of intense cortisol relief.
In recovering users, anxiety is increased, sometimes dramatically.
Doesn't it make sense that this suffering must take place?
Many former victims will forget how critical this intense period of suffering is.
Time is a great factor, but without intense suffering time is rendered useless.
Not one day of suffering is wasted, believe that.
Recovery is considered protracted.
During the first few months, more receptor sites are recovered than in any subsequent time period. This process slows down significantly, and continues to slow as time passes.
I have seen read many anecdotal reports of people crossing the 6-8 month point and experiencing a major improvement. Many report near-complete recovery around 1 year.
Even if you don't emerge completely within 1 year, there is reason to believe that the brain goes on 're-wiring' itself LONG into the future. This is among the best of hope I can offer you.
Exercise is the only way to cheat this process.
When you exercise, you increase the protein BDNF in the brain, which introduces stem cells into many key regions, including the cortex!
It has also been shown to have a direct impact upon the re-sprouting and plasticity of serotonin neurons!
Working out is the only way to find relief from this.
10 minutes per day will actually make a big difference, especially if you repeat if several days in a row. It speeds up the whole process and it gives you a vacation from your symptoms.
Taking fish oil and tumeric (powerful anti-inflammatory) should help.
Sleeping is critical. But exercise trumps all.
You are going to be ok, but it is going to take a LONG time.
The worst is the first 3-4 months.
By 6 months, you should feel MUCH better, maybe even helping others.
By 1 year, you will look back at this - because it will be behind you.
When that happens, come back and tell BL about it.
The more information, the better.
I hope this helped, my friend.
Good luck.
![[skrillex]]](/community/data/avatars/m/195/195035.jpg?1554214602){kind=avatar}
