Ok fine, I'll tell you guys how I'm feeling..

[Wolfmans_BrothEr]

For the past month or so Ive been feeling really alone. I talk to people and I have a lot of acquaintances, a lot of people like me, but I don't have any real friends. If I do then there would be very few. I don't have anyone I can really count on, most of the people I talk to the only reason we chill is to get high. All those kids have their own friends who their closer with and shit, and I feel as if most people are too far into their friendships where they're not gonna accept someone new into their group, or start chillin with me because most of them have no idea who I am.

Where I live everyone has their own "groups" and I used to be the fuckin man in mine, until I got addicted to heroin and started doin shit that drove them away. I've made amends with the ones who meant the most, but I dont feel as if I can just call them to chill. I feel as if we haven't been talking for so long to the point where they wouldn't wanna hang out. They've had these years to get tighter with oth people, so they'd rather spend most of their time with them then me.

I get really depressed when I think about how everyone in all the surrounding towns knew me and looked up to me,I was confident, had respect, I was always out partying and shit that I was barely ever home, and now that summers started and I'm outta school, I might go out once a week, if that. I'll send some of my old friends messages whom I haven't talked to in a while, and I'll never get a response, my self-esteem has never been lower.

Im 21 I've been going to community college, and I've met a lot of cool people there,most of them aren't close to my house, and my mom gave my car away so I don't have any way to get to people, unless I wanna look like a bum taking the train everywhere. I have 2 or 3 more semesters til I transfer, and hopefully going to a state school will be like a fresh start.

I just feel like such shit when I look at peoples pictures on facebook who are drinking every night and enjoying their youth, and I fear that I'm never gonna get to experience it. The only thing that makes me feel better about myself is drugs.

I know I wrote in here for responses, but please don't give me the generic "stay strong, it'll get better" shit, anyone can say that and I need some good advice from experience. Idont have a mental disorder and I don't think I'm clinically depressed, just lonely and un-loved

Thanks

 

[Asclepius]

I can completely relate.
I'l tell you honestly what I tell myself. Everyone is alone. From seeing the 'aquaintances' I have and their groups of companions-they always seem to not know each other in the way I personally idealize them to; they have company and lots of it but most of them seem to be more concerned with 'social aquaintance' and close proximity than actually knowing each other truly. I miss having a close network of friends like I used to have but I dont miss the bullshit. There always seems to be some 'price'; whether you are in the clique or outside it.
I love people and I crave them but personally, I dont want to be stuck within the cliques-am always at war with these options. I try to maintain a healthy distance(as I can see it or as much as I can obtain, without surrendering to being cut-off from them). This is just my personal view and am not advocating it by any means because we all have to find our own balance. The only unbiased advice I can submit is: Be there for yourself, if you are overwhelmed by Social dances, bear them in mind but keep your own rhythym and keep an ear out to synchronise with the rhythym of others as it seems fitting.

 

[Wolfmans_BrothEr]

I don't get affected by all the social drama, I'm usually pretty good at staying away from it. I'm not scared by social situations, I thrive in them. I just lack companionship

 

[Garden Man]

People have their own lives, their own drama, and their own friends. Most people will enjoy your companionship, but ultimately don't give a shit, which is why they're not responding when you msg etc. The truth is, you need to make friends out of school. It's hard making new friends, believe me, but go to a place where a lot of people are who won't judge you. Go to a punk rock or metal show by yourself. You said you thrive in social situations, so do it. Be the life of the party, talk to girls and guys about how you either love or hate the band. After 2-3 hours of parting, go to the woods and have a deep ass conversation with them. That's the key word "deep ass conversation". They will certainly remember you, and care to talk to you again if you have formed a spiritual bond. If you just get high, they'll see you as a 'stoner buddy'. So just go out there. If rock concerts aren't your scene go to a library and shoot the shit about authors; or a gym and talk about working out - and then get into deep/philosophical conversations from there.

That's really the only way it will work. Touch their soul and they'll see you more than "that guy"

soz if this is a little incoherent, im high as shit just hanging on

 

[n3ophy7e]

I just feel like such shit when I look at peoples pictures on facebook who are drinking every night and enjoying their youth, and I fear that I'm never gonna get to experience it. The only thing that makes me feel better about myself is drugs.

I can really relate to this man. I get really lonely and I find myself pining for the "way things used to be". I think most people do it to some degree, everyone's lives are always changing and we all go through ups and downs. Even those people who appear to be so happy and popular and fun-loving on facebook, even they have down-times.
I'm not trying to down-play the way you're feeling but it might make you feel a bit less alienated by knowing that a lot of other people feel the same way as you do. I know it's just a really shitty feeling though.

I know you said that you don't think you're clinically depressed but it sounds like you are suffering a bit of depression at the moment, possibly being made worse by your drug use. While you're high you feel better about yourself and your situation, but then when you're sober again, everything is the same as it was before and you've made no changes to try and make your situation better. It's a really easy trap to fall in to man.

If you want friends and to be more sociable and not feel lonely, the best way of achieving those things is to get out there and be proactive in improving your social life. Friends aren't going to just come knocking on your door looking to party. I have found through my own experiences that if you don't go out and socialise, people just assume that you're not interested and will leave you alone even more. They can't read our minds, after all!

What do you think, is it an option for you to try and cut down your drug use and start going out a bit more to socialise?

 

[Wolfmans_BrothEr]

People have their own lives, their own drama, and their own friends.

Exactly why theyre not just gonna start chillin with some random dude who went ALONE to a concert. Not to mention I'm gonna look like a nut job when I take them into the woods for a "deep ass conversation" (I don't know about you, but I don't have deep conversations with a random person I just met, that takes trust)

That's the key word "deep ass conversation"

are you suggesting I ass fuck these girls? Cause that's definitely a way to get someone to remember you

All joking aside, yeah meeting some people at a bar and hanging out with them for the night is probable, but what your suggesting is I'm gonna call them in a few days to be like "hey remember that dude that showed up at the bar completely alone and then started hitting on all the girls you were with? Yeah that's me wanna chill?" I don't think I'll be making very many friends. Not to mention I live in a small town, there's not much to do, everybody knows everybody. If I lived in NYC I wouldn't be writing this cause there's random people to meet on every block. Here, we go to high school, graduate, leave for college, make friends there, and come back for holidays etc. and see old h.s buddies.

The fact is, friendships are built up over time, that's why chances are most of the people you chill with you either met at school or at work, and most of the people they chill with they met at school or work. Plus it doesn't make things any easier when I don't own a car and look like a bum.

And going to the library to talk about authors?? Most people go to a library to read, not pick up chicks.

And what's your obsession with deep philosophical conversations? Lol

Don't get me wrong, I appreciate the advice really, I just think were on different pages. I just feel as if my life is moving by so quickly and I'm gonna wake up 40 with no real friends or anything and have wasted my best years. Guess I'll just look forward to transferring...

 

[Wolfmans_BrothEr]

n3o: you bring up some good points. Yeah, i definitely think my drug use has been affecting my mood and shit somewhat. I didn't really consider that. And in terms of not using, I've cut down on smoking weed a lot last semester, and today's actually my last day of my bupe maintenance (2 weeks ago I made it 5 days jumping off at 4mg, but it was hell so I tapered down more the past 2 weeks and have one left to break into pieces if things get bad)

In terms of getting out there and such, I started going to community college last fall, and after 2 semesters I have met a lot and become cool with a lot of people, most of them are just too far/don't know well enough to hang out with on a regular basis. But I've been saving for a car and should have enough around January. Plus by then the friendships would've hopefully grown.

In terms of me getting out more to socialize..funds are tight when I have court fines, bupe Rx's to fill, food to buy, transportation to pay for, money I owe to my rents and saving up a car all on unemployment, so having dough to go out isn't much of an option, plus no transportation. I am working towards changing it tho

I appreciate the feedback, I can see y ur liked so much. I'm just worried I'm never gonna have real friends and people to out with again.

 

[Garden Man]

well like I said, at the time of the post I was peaking. Impairs judgment quite a bit. Lol looking back it does look pretty funny. Was probs thinking about anal sex or something....

Like you said man, real friendships are developed over time, not overnight. So you need to get in an environment where you'll see people regularly and go from there. I mention deep conversations because all of the best friends I have sprang from those. We would sit in the woods, and talk for hours and hours about life, what it means, relationships, the past, and the future. Some of these friends I still hold very dear to me.

And dude, if you go to a show people aren't immediately gonna be like "oh my god, this guy is alone and doesn't have a car. Fuck him!" They won't know you, they won't give a shit. Stand in the mosh and just spark up a conversation with the next person. You guys get along well? Ask for their facebook and go to the next show together. This is just one scenario I'm using when the same thing applies for any - a bar, a sports event, protest rally, club, whatever.

Seize the new opportunity at your new school. Meet the people in the class, and become friends with them. Overtime, you guys will have formed bonds. I know you didn't want us to say it but really - hold on tight. Time can be an enemy, but it can also be your friend - it's up to you to decide how it will benefit you or destroy you.

 

[n3ophy7e]

But I've been saving for a car and should have enough around January.

This is great to hear man, that will definitely help! I grew up in a small country town and my house was a fair way out of the actual town, with no public transport. So yeah I totally understand not being able to get anywhere! But it's great you're saving for a car

I'm just worried I'm never gonna have real friends and people to out with again.

"Never" is a really fuckin long time man, nothing is "never" or "forever". Things always change, sometimes for better, sometimes not so much. But the way things are now will definitely change. I know sometimes, especially when we're feeling depressed/lost/helpless etc, it can seem like this is what our life is always going to be. But a lifetime is a very long time and things will inevitably change soon

 

[zombiesarepeaceful]

I can relate.
I feel alone, cause I guess I was always a loner as a kid, dropped out at 16 cause kids only gave me shit, got my ged...I'm far from dumb, but that has nothing to do with it. I'm still alone, I just finally learned to adapt after being at work and learning how to function around them, but I still feel alone cause I can't tell people the first thing in my life that fucks with me, bothers me to no fucking end. Cause if I did, fuck knows what would happen

 

[Legerity]

I've had lots of periods of being mostly isolated so I know it can be hard to deal with. I can get along with most people but it's difficult for me to find people to form close friendships with.
For me it's important to be around people that I trust and care about. If that's not possible then I prefer to be alone rather than be around people I don't really connect with.

I've met tons of good people through sites online. When I stopped going to AA meetings I lost a whole support network of people so I didn't really know how else to do it. So of course it's good to be cautious when meeting random people from the internet that way but for me it has worked out and provided some of my closest friendships. If it's simply impossible for you to get out anywhere due to financial or transportation costs, then online friendships are also valuable. There I people I've never met but who I keep in touch with with and feel just as close to.

I would also just add that whether you're more on your own or have 100's of friends it doesn't make you a worse or better person either way. Being isolated may simply reflect your current environment and circumstances rather than anything to do with who you are. So it doesn't need to be something that you take personally.

All the best

 

[Wolfmans_BrothEr]

For me it's important to be around people that I trust and care about. If that's not possible then I prefer to be alone rather than be around people I don't really connect with.

Exactly how I feel.

I don't think that I'm gonna be alone forever, but it's easy sometimes to become overwhelmed. I think the biggest thing is I just need to transfer and get a change of scenery. I've been in this town since I was 7 and it's just getting to the point I need to spread my wings

I really appreciate all the feedback guys, it means a lot

Thanks

 

[EyesSizeOfTheMoon]

I've always wondered the same thing. How is it that other people get so close with each other, yet when I try it doesn't work out as much? I mean people like me and do want to get to know me but once I try to get close to them, something doesn't work out and they end up being acquaintances. I've had my fair share of hanging out time but not as much as I wanted to and what I consider a "normal" social life. I spend most of my time just trying to pass my classes, go home, eat, shower, go on the internet, sleep, and repeat. Some days I just overlook at the fact that my life is so tedious and repetitive and do what I need to do...but then comes that one week where everything that is negative comes crashing down on me all at once like a ton of bricks. I begin to think how pathetic I am for not being able to hold on to relationships with people and that I have to spend 99% of my time by myself. I over analyze everything from what people tell me or what I've told others and situations I went through and constantly put myself down for it.

I used to also think it was the other persons fault for not wanting to hang out with me outside of school like a regular person. I would find excuses as to why they would barely call/text me to hang out and why they chose they're other friends instead of me. I hated that. I hated the fact that they had they're own set of friends and were almost oblivious to the idea of letting one more person in their group. I would feel like a complete retard when I would try to hang out with that one or two people that I knew, along with the rest of the group, because I feel like they tried talking to them more and the others would be thinking "why the fuck is he even here?" Thats one reason I stopped bothering trying to hang out with people because I felt like I was late in the game. Everyone already knew each other since elementary or middle school and I was the type of person who kept moving from one place to another cause of financial trouble, or because I hated my mother so much that I kept switching from living with her to my aunt in a different state. So I never really made true friends. I always had to make a fresh start.

In the end I realized that I'm the main problem. I stopped taking the initiative to meeting new people or going into social situations because I "already knew" how they would react to me and how our relationship would end up. By changing the way I think I finally realized why I never got to have the same type of relationship other people had with each other. You can't exactly sit on your ass all day and wait for someone to introduce themselves to you. You have to actually go out into the world and explore. Perception plays a big role in how you will live your life. If you keep telling yourself that you will always be alone and never have anyone around you, then you will end up making decisions that lead you to that path.

I'm still battling with my depression and what not but not as much as I used to ( I used to be extremely suicidal ). I know that I can't let my negative thoughts consume me because I would just be stuck in an endless loop of depression, self hate, and feelings of worthlessness.

It does seem hard to make new friends but I'm sure there will be many opportunities for you to make new friends and be able to have a life again once you settle in after you transfer. Its very easy to think that your life ends here and that nothing will ever change, but you still have your whooooole life ahead of you buddy. Trust me just try to stay positive and if you ever go back to thinking negatively, ask yourself why. Look at your problems from an objective point of view. Why is it that people don't have such a close relationship with you? What are you doing to give people the impression that you are simply just an acquaintance and nothing more? Then from there you can begin taking your life into the direction you wanted to go to if you take action. Take action in what you hope to achieve and everything will fall in to place.

 

[Kipo]

Bro, It feels good to finally help you instead of the other way around. Now, I know Im younger than you, so take this with a grain of salt. But that's exactly how I felt back in freshmen year. All my friends got new friends from drug use or moved away. I didnt talk to them for the good part of 3 years from 7th grade to 9th. Then the end of ninth rolled along, and I started doing drugs and lying to fit in again. And it was a great feeling. I fucked up by lying and possibly by starting to do drugs, but you dont have to.

The drug use is your choice, Im struggling with that descision myself. But you just need to get your ass out there. Just apoligize and tell them you wanna chill like the good ol' days. Im sure they will understand. Invite them over or something, go to parties. It might not be the same, but it will help man. Trust me on that. You know you can always message me.

 

[itsok]

Your wanting to socialize and form genuine friendships and your excitement for your short term future are both great things. In life there are always up and downs and for heroin addicts, imo it may seem like the ups and downs are more extreme. The point is is that you want change, you r doing something about, and so it's gonna happen.

Because I do want to quit using dope and kind of have to for court and other issues, I should stay away from people that use. Unfortunately, iv dope addicts are the people I feel most connected to and want to be around and talk to so I kinda of have to limit my social interactions. I realize my attitude and thoughts are probably sociopathic or harmful to having a healthy and happy life, yet it seems like I have been like this for the last 4-5 years no matter where I have lived.

Even though addiction has taken not only material possessions, but also freedom, spirit, happiness, and probably health for me, it sounds like even though you feel lonely, you realize that it is circumstantial/environmental and you still have healthy desires, intentions, and thoughts.

So, my point is, know that shit could be way worse; and imo, you are already halfway successful and things are seemingly getting better for you bc you have a plan, a healthy and practical desired near future that includes forming deep connections with people, and a respect for societal norms.

Also, I agree w/ Kipo about reaching out to your old friends and going out there and be outgoing. If you start a conversation w someone, most likely s/he will be receptive and that is the change, chance, and action that has to happen. You think that people will reject you before even trying and for the most part, even people who are surrounded by others, may feel alienated, misunderstood, lonely, and crave a new person in his.her life and are open to chilling for a while, which is how friendships form. If that person is like why is this person who is alone is talking to me, then that person is a douchebag who you wouldn't want to be friends with anyway.

 

[prayersfor.rain]

"Never" is a really fuckin long time man, nothing is "never" or "forever". Things always change, sometimes for better, sometimes not so much. But the way things are now will definitely change. I know sometimes, especially when we're feeling depressed/lost/helpless etc, it can seem like this is what our life is always going to be. But a lifetime is a very long time and things will inevitably change soon

This.
Life is change. It never stops changing.

It's good to have friends in school, definitely, but I'd recommend making some new friends nearby and actually hanging out with them. I go through periods where I isolate myself and stop talking to my friends, etc. I've gone through sets of friends this way. I've had so many friends that I don't talk to anymore because I just disappeared. I get that feeling where I want to be close to people, but I don't actually want to have to go out and do something with them because I'd rather stay home and hide in my room. You might not be feeling this way, I don't know. But I really try to make myself set up stuff with my friends. Whether it's meeting them for a drink/coffee or going to the lake to hang out or whatever.
I started doing this because my mom kept bugging me about how I needed to stop being such a recluse, and I'm glad I did it because now I have friends I know will help me through a hard time, or just hang out with me sober, etc.

But it sounds like you really want to go out and meet some people. I know people don't like to go to bars alone, but why not? I like to go when it's not busy. And I'll just have a beer and talk to random people here and there. I've met some really great friends. And I know I met them at the bar, but they're totally down to come hang out and eat some dinner/watch movies or gossip or whatever.

And p.s. people on facebook only post their good having fun pictures. They don't post their "I feel like shit and I'm having a bad time" pics. How do you know that the person with a beer in their hand and a bunch of people around them wasn't just at some big celebration for someone and they didn't know most of the people there? Maybe they don't have that many people every day. I hope I'm making sense. Just, right now my fb pic is of me and boyfriend wearing butterfly masks. We sure as hell don't walk around like that all day long. People on fb probably aren't partying it up without you every day.

And don't think you're a loser. You're not. You had confidence? You had respect? Well be confident and gain that respect again. You did it once, you can do it again.

 

[Darksidesam]

I know this sounds quite hard but you can make new friends.

I moved away from england for nearly 3 years to be with some girl (Big mistake, if anyone reading this post is thinking of doing this, Dont Lol)

And when it went sour, i came back and was pretty much on my own. None of my friends from school was talking to me or anything,

so i started going raving, sure first time was on my own but after that i made some friends and its been pretty good since.

Some of these friends from school i knew , ive known for at least 14 years... and for them to ignore me? (I was 100% Clean when i came back to england at 18. Didnt drink. didnt smoke and definately didnt do drugs, id never even touched them)

So once i slotted into this new group when i go raving , sure i get on it but things are pretty damn good as long as i keep it all in moderation.
But I feel your pain how it is to be alone, and not be in any group it was like this for me for many months and i didnt like that at all..


On a side note, i also have 2 local friends, one which ive known since i was 5, and i used to go round to hes and hed come round here so we can get on it but in the end it felt like i was just the extra person to chip in.

Mobile:
*Ring Ring* (Well no, its actually a trance track as my ringtone, Andy Mcgirr - Fallout )

"Alright sam you wanna get on it?"
"Id love to but..."
"But what? you got money yeah?"
"Na sorry im skint i just bought shop--"
- Call Ended -

So now i avoid these 2 as i felt they are just using me.

Good lucky anyway mate, I'd say try to hang with them, who knows it might just be like old times but unfortunately history burns into peoples brains, And more so the bad times than the good.