I don't really know why I'm making this thread

[DeathDomokun]

@cire I used to play a lot of sport when I was younger, and for the past 2 year I've done weight lifting on and off which has been pretty useless and my muscle would deteriorate whenever I'd stop and I'd have to build it up again. I did work out today for the first time in months, I don't know how long I'll keep up my resume as I usually lose the will and energy to continue before too long. Exercise releases endorphins iirc.

 

[n3ophy7e]

Exercise releases endorphins iirc.

Correct, and lots of them. Which is why regular cardiovascular exercise can help a lot with depression and anxiety. I know that when I'm exercising regularly I have hardly any symptoms of depression, and conversely whenever I'm not exercising regularly I become depressed and have problems with anxiety. It really does make a huge difference for me, that's just my personal experience though.

Death, just to get back on the topic of your thoughts of trying anti-depressants, how are you planning to go about getting prescribed something? Are you going to see your regular doctor and talk to them about it?

 

[DeathDomokun]

I'm gonna do what I did last time which was see my GP, have her tell me she isn't very knowledgeable/comfortable/doesn't think she is the person I should be talking to about it, get referred to somebody, and hope they're not a useless fuckwit. She told me she liked the psychiatrist that she first referred me to and that he was good, he had a bunch of certificates on his wall showing everyone how great he is and how qualified he is but I didn't like him one bit. I've always disliked psychiatrists, but I don't think it was me..
Enough of him though. On a side note, I've heard that prozac is loaded with fluoride, and although I haven't done any research and I'll probably do some research on whatever I'm prescribed before I start swallowing these pills, does anyone know what other chemicals are in anti-depressants apart from the drug itself? I'm a bit cautious/worried about it, somehow it just doesn't seem right, I can't explain it. People have survived for so long without needing to take pills daily, although I do believe in better living through chemistry/drugs
It just doesn't seem right to try to control my emotions by taking a pill, to depend on them, to "stabilize" my mood. That's not what I want, I just want to feel a bit better. I guess I'll just let time tell.

 

[n3ophy7e]

I'm gonna do what I did last time which was see my GP, have her tell me she isn't very knowledgeable/comfortable/doesn't think she is the person I should be talking to about it, get referred to somebody, and hope they're not a useless fuckwit. She told me she liked the psychiatrist that she first referred me to and that he was good, he had a bunch of certificates on his wall showing everyone how great he is and how qualified he is but I didn't like him one bit. I've always disliked psychiatrists, but I don't think it was me..

Your GP is a great place to start.
However, sometimes their opinion of a good specialist and the actual reality of how good that specialist is, don't match up. If you are not happy with the psychiatrist she referred you to, you don't have to agree to go back there. I think I mentioned the useless psychiatrist I saw a few years ago, about 18 months ago my GP was going to refer me to him again and I had to say "Sorry, I'm sure he's a good psych, but he really didn't work well for me. Have you got someone else?". You are completely entitled to say that, it's YOUR choice, not the doctor's.

It just doesn't seem right to try to control my emotions by taking a pill, to depend on them, to "stabilize" my mood. That's not what I want, I just want to feel a bit better. I guess I'll just let time tell.

If it helps, think of it this way: The brain and the mind are organs just like any other organ in our body. Sometimes the heart has something medically wrong and needs medication to assist it in functioning properly. Sometimes people have chronic disorders such as asthma where they need to take meds every day for the lungs to function properly. Just the same, sometimes certain structures in the brain don't function as well as they should and sometimes need pharmacological assistance to get them back in to working order. There's no shame in this, it doesn't mean you're any less of a person or that you've done something wrong. It just means that for whatever reason your brain needs a bit of help in functioning properly. That's all

Also, most people who go on anti-depressants don't stay on them forever. Some people might need to be on them for 10-12 months or so, for example, and then their brain is restabilised and they can wean off them and be fine.

 

[DeathDomokun]

I'm feeling pretty shit guys. Still going strong on my sobriety. I don't know where to turn though, music isn't helping, games aren't helping and I'm pretty lonely. I don't have someone to talk to, and being able to remember having close relationships, feeling love and care, expressing yourself and adoring someone, it's making me feel pretty shitty.

 

[jobe28]

I don't care what it is, you'll get through it. Keep going man. If your situation is anything like mine then this whole depression thing will probably take time, and probably get worse before it gets better.

I hit a point a couple of years ago where I was so low that I experienced much of what you are describing. I had thoughts that I was depressed or just genetically predisposed to be miserable, and I did go to my GP, and then to a psychologist, and then a psychiatrist, and then started taking meds. Now I think that it wasn't accurate to think that I had depression and I stopped taking the medication after I thought more for myself. Maybe you do have depression. Maybe. For me the problem wasn't actually depression (even though at the time I took that advice, because honestly I had no other idea what it could be), or at least not in the sense that I had a chemical imbalance in my brain and I needed to take drugs to counteract that.

It sounds like you want something to change. You will. I think DECIDING to change is the hard part. Hitting a breaking point might be enough for you to decide to do something and cut off all other options. I think smoking weed is PROBABLY making your situation worse (who knows how it affects you though). I smoked weed when I went through this shit and it absolutely caused me more pain ultimately. I eventually realized that and stopped smoking every day (it's only recently that I've quit entirely). You need to deal with the bad emotions going on -- learn from them, find leverage in them to change.

There might be something that you know is the most important thing for you to be doing right now. Do it. It might be really difficult but I say throw yourself into the fire. For me anyway I know that I really caused myself a lot of grief by knowing deep down a specific thing that I could do (for me it was getting out of my house and talking to people) but kind've attempting to 'slowly work my way into it' which really meant avoiding it but rationalizing that I was justified in doing so.

I think being sober will be great. I'm focusing on staying sober right now too! Being disciplined is difficult. Good work on making that decision

 

[DeathDomokun]

I don't know how to deal with them. I can't feel them properly, they're always there and sometimes I'm overwhelmed by them but they're usually just like a fog of pain over my consciousness, it's the only way to explain it.
I know I need to let go, and be free. I just need to be in the moment, and I try and I try, but I don't have someone new to spend my time with. I think having a close relationship helps, you get to love and adore someone, and you feel better for it. But most of it all creates new things in your life, you create memories, you create feelings, you create drama. It gives you something to focus on. I'm articulating this really badly. When you've got a relationship with someone, you put lots of energy into it. It takes up your time, you help them when they need it and visa versa. You talk to them, they just bring a new aspect to your life. A distraction from your past, they help you move on from the past and into the present, because you've got a present, you've got something to do. I can't explain it, but I hope you guys know what I'm trying to say.
I know I should get out and make new friends, I just don't really know how. I don't know how to just talk to someone I don't know in a situation like seeing someone on the street or in a shop, and when I do talk to people these days, albeit online, I can't seem to create a real relationship. I feel incapable of truly caring about and loving someone, I try my best to be loving and helpful and what I used to be, I just don't feel it. I don't lie to people, I just try to help them as much as I can and be as friendly and loving as I can, but I just can't seem to feel anything real. All I've got left are memories, and all I want to do is make new [good] memories. I'm still sober, even though I've got the urge to change that.

 

[jobe28]

www.rsdnation.com. No joke.

What's the most important thing to you right now? Do you have any specific aspirations? I know it's kinda cliched but focus on what you do want, not what you don't want (like the 'law of attraction' they talk about in The Secret). I think if you have no other goal other than to 'not feel depressed' it'll be like a self-fulfilling prophecy.

 

[DeathDomokun]

I don't know what the most important thing is to me. I know what I think about the most or put the most energy into, but I don't know what the most important thing to me is. I don't know how to explain what I want. I want to do something with my life, I want to go out and party, I want to enjoy my life. If you're familiar with Hunter S Thompson, his life has been what I've wanted since I hit high school. That's what I want to do with my life, if that's what you're asking? I'm not entirely sure. Right now, this very second, I don't know what I want. I don't want anything right now, but I'm definably not content with the present. I usually want to relieve memories/go back to what I used to have/create something similar to what I used to have. I usually want someone back, even though things have changed and it's not what I really want, I know it's not what I want, but I want it. I can't articulate this sort of shit very well... I don't have any goals/aspirations, nor any idea/track/path for my future.. Ultimately I want to feel better and make something of my life, but I don't see how that's a self fulfilling prophecy. Are you saying because I want it, it'll happen? Because that doesn't seem to be the case..
Best of luck with staying sober

I don't know if I've got ADHD or something like that but I'm very unaware of things. For instance when I'm browsing the net, I'll open a site, read something, open a new tab and then read something from that site, and so forth, only to go to a previous tab ands say reply to a message or post something or read more of the page.