please help - spiritual crisis - texas loner - psychedelics

[superduperness]

Ok... i feel like the lone ranger here because nobody likes psychedelics like i do in san antonio. Its been years since i have seen any lsd- which may be a good thing or not - who knows...although it was my favorite...i just could never pass as sober or normal when on it. and nobody wants to try 2c-e with me because they are way too intimidated by it...and scared of it...including me. I was able to stop many bad habits because of 2c-e, including 2c-e -- lol. just kidding. it helped me realize that i didn't have to smoke and drink to be happy...and that those things were just a "mask" ...i thought i was happy, but as soon as it wore off i realized i was completely addicted to pot and could barely function in society. mainly though...my wife left me because of excessive alcohol and marijuana intake. i had no control over it for many years. the 2c-e made me realize how bad i was - much like the other pyschedelics did when i was younger - only i kept screwing up. 2c-e allowed me to make immediate corrective actions. i would drop everything else i was doing because my situation became the emergency....i was on a mission to fix it before i could do anything else like enjoy the trip...this required hours and hours of mental uncomfort/anguish... crying sometimes about spilled milk, dealing with the thought of hell and all the bad things i have done to my wife...who is my soulmate and the only gift i had from God and the fact that i ruin everything, etc. i actually had a spiritual crisis and flushed 4.876 grams down the toilet 2 days ago...breathing a sigh of relief as it hit the water. i was sober when i did that. it was a good batch too. now i'm kicking myself in the nuts about it. oh well. i absolutely understand that these are not toys, and i did find the greatest therapeutic uses from them. I suffer from mild depression and anxiety. psilocybin mushrooms seemed to connect me with God like a direct connection - after many years of abandoning God and taking cubensis mushies i found myself thinking...God's no joke, don't F--- with God! the only problem with mushies is that every time I ate them i got into a "native american" mode and ended up in the woods for some reason. lately i just found myself being too scared/intimidated to take 2c-e because of how strong it is...but then again i always reap tremendous benefits after the "suffering" phase is over. can anybody more experienced please give me some guidance? have i had enough? time for a break? quit forever? i fear that one day if i want some more i will not be able to get it.. i can get it now, but don't know how long it will last on the shelf if i don't unseal the vessel. its an investment and these are hard times. i am completely afraid that i will get into my other substances and ruin my life even more than it is now because of my addictive nature. the doctors won't help and any RX they give me is crap, along with the generic diagnosis to go with it. damn it i'm 30 years old physically but like 90 years old spiritually/mentally. i originally started messing with psychedelics again to expand my artistic abilities as a drummer, and i don't know if this was a good choice or not...the bottom line is my life is getting better, but i'm highly confused at this point. i don't know if i should get more to just keep in case i start to stray again...not for recreational at all!! or should i try to go without any chemical help and risk the chance of slipping back into harmful drug/alcohol use again. ok i've said enough...don't want to ramble anymore...just a wounded soul here with nobody to talk to at all.

-your friend.

 

[readthenewsohboy]

Nothing wrong with some healthy psychedelic use, but don't let yourself fall into a place where you *need* it. No drug can save you from yourself, you have to simply *be* yourself and chase that spark of life and joy however you've found it.

I personally hate having a stash. It always seems like a good idea, economical, etc. Then it's there. Tempting me. The voices of boredom and half-assed curiosity start to overtake the voices of purpose and conscious exploration. I typically end up ridding myself of it in a moment of clarity.

Just my thoughts.

 

[uncomfortablepants]

Hi, I live in Lubbock. So I can kind of relate. Fortunately for me there is a large university here but the prevailing views are still not understanding of psychedelics at all.

I dunno what to say other than keep learning from it all.

Peace

 

[skinwalker]

Respect the chems and they will respect you! Dose in moderation, allow for integration between experiences, and more importantly distance the time in between trips; the more further apart the better and all the more meaningful. Remember set and setting pays off tremendously in regards to intention and will be all that much easier with integration. Without proper integration things just get damn confusing...thats when your belief system/religion can help ground you.
I know how it is with the alcohol and weed, and how they ever go so well together! I am too shown my excessive use while under psyches and how I need to focus on moderation. Another thing worth mentioning is to reflect how you could be a better person with friends/family while at the same time making yourself happy with the aid of psyches, you'll be suprised with some of the things that cause us to act in ways subconsciously- which in turn can lead to the downward path of binging on the booze n weed. Truly a "bittersweet" balance....imo.
Thats funny that you mention with mushrooms you get "native american" - that is truly what they are all about imo. They bring out the native in you! Believe it or not they are good at showing you that one way or another. Just don't take so much next time that you black out and end up in the woods again. Lol
Good luck and remember balance is key

 

[superduperness]

thank you all.. i feel like i answered my own question after reading all that i typed originally. now for my public service announcement. If you are a young person looking for a way to get "high" then this is not it. these are serious substances that i consider to be more of a tool than a drug. please please please use utmost caution if you are totally set on using a psychedelic. be prepared to be overwhelmed even at really small doses. also, if you have any issues at hand be prepared to face reality at a whole new level. young folks reading this,,,please heed my advice and don't do these just because you may be able to get them. please talk with someone experienced beforehand so you don't screw up.. (like the minnesota kids who died) .. for me, it took what it took to make me realize what i needed. i need my family and i'm not going to mess it up anymore. i didn't even mention the baby and the pain that overcame me when i realized i was helpless and would not be able to help her. how can i help an innocent little baby if i'm in that state...its no good. there, i answered my own question again. i think i'm done with it for good now. i did have some fun but the pain and suffering most definitely outweighed the fun. afterall, why do that to yourself if its no fun. after spending half of my life doing drugs, i feel lucky to have even a little capability to be naturally happy...so i'm gonna roll with that as long as i can. life is good

 

[theotherside]

Hey I can relate to you as I'm down here in Houston. Not many people outside of Austin are into psychedelics here in Texas...mostly just opiates/coke/mdma/bud. Having an outlet like bluelight is special because it gives you a chance to talk with people from all over the world about how important psychedelics are.

 

[superduperness]

houston - thats where i'm originally from.. might go back one day
austin - i usually have a difficult time leaving because of the music -

 

[PROZ4C]

Nothing wrong with some healthy psychedelic use, but don't let yourself fall into a place where you *need* it. No drug can save you from yourself, you have to simply *be* yourself and chase that spark of life and joy however you've found it.

I personally hate having a stash. It always seems like a good idea, economical, etc. Then it's there. Tempting me. The voices of boredom and half-assed curiosity start to overtake the voices of purpose and conscious exploration. I typically end up ridding myself of it in a moment of clarity.

Just my thoughts.

I completely agree.

the only problem with mushies is that every time I ate them i got into a "native american" mode and ended up in the woods for some reason.

lol'd hard at that, I know that feeling hahahahaa