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How to truly not care what others think?

Have my DNA! Actually, don't. That could be trouble. One of me is bad enough.
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Alright, in a serious light, I suffer from severe anxiety/panic attacks/PTSD. Although I do get anxious at times in social situations, it is usually because I feel as though I am on another planet than most people. From a very young age I grew up observing how much people sought out the approval of others—parents included. With that said, it honestly always confounded me. Apparently, as a child, my mom and I continuously had a conversation very much like the following: she would start off by saying, "well, why don't you just go play with the other children". My response every single time was apparently, "but then I would have to listen to them". Hahah! My point in telling you this is that I had noticed a pattern on this earth from a very young age that bothered the hell out of me; people were constantly trying to please everyone. Shouldn't we invest that into the people we actually want to please? I used to ask myself continuously "Why do my friends bother talking about whether or not so and so will play with them? Why don't they just spend time with themselves?" As you can tell, I was a bit of an odd child, but I believe my childhood thoughts helped mold me for the better (at least as far as this subject matter goes), throughout the course of my entire life. Although relationships with others of the human animal are, in fact, important, people invest entirely too much of themselves into this "seek me approve me" game. If you cannot learn to be in good company while you are alone, then what the hell do you really have? I firmly believe seeking the approval of others all boils down to the previously stated thought. Focus on you, maintaining your true persona, and realize that there will soon be 7 billion people on this earth. That is a hell of a lot of people! With that many people on the planet, some group of people are bound to fancy your intrinsic nature—without having to mold it to fit the design of the masses around you whom bring you anxiety. Be yourself, man. The right bunch of folks will dig you for who you truly are—this is all we've got! Embrace YOU and best of luck!
 
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godlovesugly said:
i reallly think this just comes with age.
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Im inclined to agree here, i care far less at 22 then i did at 18.. that said as much as i reassure myself that people are more concerned with themselves then me, it still trickles into my habits and personal view of myself. But i expect in time, this line of thinking will slowly but surely disappear as what becomes important in life begins to take prevalence over insecurities of identity.
 
If only there was some way I could convey all of my thoughts into your head to help you out. I am currently a senior in High School, go to part time college and basically consider myself an adult.

Just a couple years ago, I was so self-conscious and I always was thinking about what other people thought of me and my standing in the chain of command of the school. I feel theres no single piece of advice I can give you, but keep fighting those thoughts and eventually things will straighten out for you. Eventually you will develop your own true personality and find your place in the world and not care less about what other people think, trust me, IT WILL HAPPEN. Just keep being confident and break those mental barriers, you will do it eventually.
 
ocean said:
Love yourself for who you are and the care about others opinion of you will fade off.
If you truly love yourself and are confident in the person you are, it won't matter what other people think b/c you are solid in who you are <3
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This pretty much :)
 
Here's what I learned long ago from my catechism class that helped me to understand how to deal with this problem:

1) God first loves us;

2) By God loving us, we are enabled to love Him;

3) By loving Him, we are empowered to love others;

4) By loving others, we are able to properly love ourselves.

So, I think part of your approach needs to include focusing on others, seeing their needs, and loving them. That will make you a better person, and will help you to tend to forget about yourself and your anxieties. Become more willing to give of yourself for the sake of those around you.
 
awkwardchild said:
Any advice for not giving a fuck about what people think? Im trying to beat anxiety in social situations
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Study up on this guy...

1277342185-gg_allin.jpg


GG Allin
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Kevin Michael "GG" Allin (August 29, 1956 – June 28, 1993) was an American punk rock singer-songwriter who performed and recorded with many punk groups during his career. GG Allin is perhaps best remembered for his notorious live performances which typically featured transgressive acts, such as Allin defecating and urinating onstage, rolling in feces and often consuming excrement, performing naked, committing self-injury, and attacking audience members.[1]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/GG_Allin

He truly did not give a shit what anyone thought. lol
 
nuttynutskin said:
Study up on this guy...

1277342185-gg_allin.jpg


GG Allin
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

Kevin Michael "GG" Allin (August 29, 1956 – June 28, 1993) was an American punk rock singer-songwriter who performed and recorded with many punk groups during his career. GG Allin is perhaps best remembered for his notorious live performances which typically featured transgressive acts, such as Allin defecating and urinating onstage, rolling in feces and often consuming excrement, performing naked, committing self-injury, and attacking audience members.[1]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/GG_Allin

He truly did not give a shit what anyone thought. lol
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uhh...really? fuck gg allin.

yeah great advice, dude....gg allin was a narcissist, a fuckin psycho. not to mention he raped a woman and hit a woman in his audience.
 
godlovesugly said:
uhh...really? fuck gg allin.

yeah great advice, dude....gg allin was a narcissist, a fuckin psycho. not to mention he raped a woman and hit a woman in his audience.
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Lol, I don't remember rape charges, but if it's the same instance I'm thinking of the court found NUMEROUS flaws in her argument and I believe GG was found not guilty. The chick was just looking for publicity, and in some interviews GG claimed that that same women had sent him letters saying she wanted to marry him. And that's all after what went down. lol
 
Personally I do care what other people think and am kind of glad of it- sometimes! lol...and within moderation.
However there are times that I feel really, overly self-conscious and have always been on the anxious side, I have tried to 'purge' myself of this but it hasn't worked. Generally, if I feel 'vulnerable' to others negative perceptions, I realise that it is something going on with me...because despite a negative or scathing judgement from someone, it's still my own sense of esteem that is all that matters in that kind of situation. People will be people and think what they want rightly/wrongly and that cant be changed or contolled.

I think being conscious of what people think can be a positive(sometimes negative feedback from people can be an indicator and language of their own insecurity, if it isnt altogether constructive) once you learn not to put others values above your own(unless you think their values hold more merit and want to adopt them/intigrate them into your own). I guess I just accept that other people may possibly hold a negative judgement of me but they really dont know me like I do, so this allows me to take responsibility for focusing on how I am with myself rather than living solely in fear of others perceptions all the time. I also try and focus my attention on who I am, rather than what I am and also try to do this with others...having a clear conscience/aware conscience and being aware of what Im about, so that I can be comfortable with who I am-despite social pressures- kind of gives me permission to try to allow myself to accept myself and other people a little better.
Oh and I generally stay away or limit my time and attention from people who I feel drained around/ who I cant make any reconcilliations with; even after many genuine attempts.
 
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What Asclepius and Ocean said.

My conscience is generally clear these days. I sought professional help, am finally on a regimen that works, and all sorts of challenges are inspiring me. The regimen? Appropriately being medicated by my psychiatrist, talking with friends and family, and developing my natural bravery.

I wish you the best, OP. Even though you are young, you can still be mature. Approach life with a sense of responsibility, seek help from a professional if it is necessary, and know it DOES get better when you put in the effort.

It took me 31 years to feel that way. I still feel like I'm in high school. Focus on your efforts and be optimistic. Proper focus and knowing when to make the decisions in the moment - good decisions - will make all the difference.
 
godlovesugly said:
i reallly think this just comes with age.

im almost 25 years old now...i used to care quite a bit about what people thought of me. but now, i really am starting to not give a fuck at all. i have anxiety and panic attacks still, its something i suffer with, but its not nearly as bad as it used to be. when i was 15-18 years old, i constantly thought about other peoples' opinions of me. trust me, the older you get, the less you care.
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Bojangles69 said:
My honest answer to this is to just grow up. And no I don't mean that in an insulting way like its something you can do in 5mins. I mean as you grow and mature, and get older, you will care less and less and less what other people think of you.
When I was 21 all I thought about was what other people were thinking about me, how I looked, how I acted, how my voice sounded, the clothes I wore, I was self conscious about everything I possibly could be.
Now at 28 I honestly do not give one remote fuck about any of that shit. I can't tell you where all the paranoia/anxiety went, but with age it just kind of vanished.
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Very true, now that you have identified the problem, focusing on it and trying therapy (if needed), then it'll just be a matter of time.
I'm 23 and yeah, it somehow got a lot better with time.
 
squarerootof23 said:
Here's what I learned long ago from my catechism class that helped me to understand how to deal with this problem:

1) God first loves us;

2) By God loving us, we are enabled to love Him;

3) By loving Him, we are empowered to love others;

4) By loving others, we are able to properly love ourselves.

So, I think part of your approach needs to include focusing on others, seeing their needs, and loving them. That will make you a better person, and will help you to tend to forget about yourself and your anxieties. Become more willing to give of yourself for the sake of those around you.
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I am agnostic. My religion of origin is Roman Catholic. I agree with the last paragraph; however, organized religion is not for everyone. I don't advocate in a sectarian manner because if in any way I am true to the Catholic faith, I have never worshipped a false idol. Catechism taught me nothing about being true to myself. I found it to be dictatorial and controlling. I do my best to follow the Ten Commandments as a way of life; not a manner to submit to the will of a specific deity. I will also state that the fellow (present and past) Roman Catholics are best as students and scholars. I object to proselytization as it is inconsistent with the First Commandment. I state without reservation that I have no false idols. I can expound on this ad nauseam through PM so as not to distract from the OP's thread.

To all : live with patience, tolerance, and respect for yourself and others. <3
 
A Catholic turning away from God is almost always a result of a misinterpretation of the Holy Books. But in theory you cannot turn away from God as He is always there for you wheter you want it or not.
But I'm not the best example of a good catholic, though, I think of it as more of a community than a religion, just like jews do. I think we gotta stand togheter and around the Pope.
 
“Who are you to judge the life I live? I know I’m not perfect and I don’t live to be. But, before you start pointing fingers, make sure your hands are clean.” – Bob Marley
 
to me?
wasn't judging anyone, I may not like but there's nothing I can/would do about it,
Furthermore I have a lot of agnostic friends (yeah here in Mexico)
I like them despite not being catholics like me, because, well.. life doesn't spin around religion.
 
Charles Ferdinand said:
to me?
wasn't judging anyone, I may not like but there's nothing I can/would do about it,
Furthermore I have a lot of agnostic friends (yeah here in Mexico)
I like them despite not being catholics like me, because, well.. life doesn't spin around religion.
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LoL, that quote wasnt to you, its a quote for the OP to understand about the people around him.
 
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