Different people get clean for different reasons. I'm just curious what your "wake up" call was. Did you decide to get clean on your own, or were you 'forced' into it by friends, family, the law...etc? If it's the latter, how long did it take for your resentment to go away? Did you relapse the moment you were out of the spotlight, or were you grateful for the intervention?
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What made you decide to get clean?
- Thread starter DroneLore
- Start date
hobhead
Bluelighter
hitting rock bottom coupled with the usual survival instinct .
BanginMyLifeAway
Bluelighter
i was real bad off slangin herioin and doing it running around with guns and i hit a spot where my connect was out and i didnt have shit blew thru my money buyin other shit to get by .. and i was broke detoxing so bad and alone for like a week and thru out that time i found out who really was my friends not all the fools i had around me when i had dope and money ..and i just got it in my head that i was done with it and didnt wanna live my life chase'n dope so i quit it was hard and i still think about dope but u just gotta be strong
hobhead
Bluelighter
several things contributed to my hitting bottom.
1) multiple ODs - collapse with the gear still in my mainline.
2) methadone maintainence was the straw that broke the camel's back though.
the counselor that i had to see weekly was a fucking asshat. i could not stomach the humiliation so I went cold turkey - not for the first time, however that was the last time.
the toad
Bluelighter
Rock bottom wasn't a really specific incident... more like a year of bad shit in general... it was exhausting... I was hustling and scamming everybody I could, I managed to sorta do ok at it is why it took so long... but laziness parvailed... I want to do minimal work for maximum pay... and being addicted to dilaudid and blow were causing me tons of work and costing me tons of money and weren't even fun anymore...
![:\](https://bluelight.org/xf/BL_Images/Orig_Emoji/wrygrin.gif "wry grin :\")
I guess it's when I've been up for 3 days, lost 15 pounds and some teeth, and have no money left...Survival instinct. When I was severely addicted to alcohol and benzos I knew if I didn't stop drinking it would kill me and I finally decided that attempting to stop (for a while at least) was worth saving my life.
Now I'm not clean anymore but my drug use is a lot more under control than it was then and I am off benzos.
Now I'm not clean anymore but my drug use is a lot more under control than it was then and I am off benzos.
zombiesarepeaceful
Bluelighter
Some people I used to stay with were all anti drug...even if the shit was prescribed to you. It was 2 yrs ago when I didn't live on my own yet, depended on them for a roof over my head. They made me stop getting my adderall prescribed, or anything I was on that was a controlled substance that was rx'd by my shrink. At the time I also used dxm and shit, but it wasn't a problem persay. I had to quit using all drugs on the condition that I could stay at their house. Eventually I started dating someone who was also living there, we moved out, that fell through, I started using shit cause I wasn't in their house again and hated being told how to live. The person I was dating kicked me out, and now that I'm on my own and 3 yrs later, I use shit if I want to, I take breaks when I want to...but I don't ever foresee myself "getting clean" for anyone but myself. Its my life, not their's.
unsettled
Bluelighter
I don't think people get clean and stay clean unless they want it really bad, in my experience getting clean for others was always a short lived experience.
I'm not exactly clean, I'm prescribed multiple substances that many people use to get high off of but I'm prescribed them and take them as prescribed. My life feels a little more under control than it did before.
I basically got sick of chasing drugs around every day and night and I realized that I wanted more out of life than drugs. I'm not in the clear yet, I relapsed and bought a half g of H a couple weeks ago but it only reinforced my decision to stay away from that stuff.
I also realized that I wasn't getting high off of drugs I was just getting normal, basically had always used drugs as a way of self medicating psychological problems that I wasn't aware of. I was never a fan of wasting away all my days and nights high out of my mind on drugs, I always had things I wanted to do. It was when I realized that I was taking drugs just to do what most people do sober that made me seek help.
It's still a struggle everyday but I feel like my life is improving as a result of my decision to be more sober (not take street drugs, I still take my rx's)
I'm not exactly clean, I'm prescribed multiple substances that many people use to get high off of but I'm prescribed them and take them as prescribed. My life feels a little more under control than it did before.
I basically got sick of chasing drugs around every day and night and I realized that I wanted more out of life than drugs. I'm not in the clear yet, I relapsed and bought a half g of H a couple weeks ago but it only reinforced my decision to stay away from that stuff.
I also realized that I wasn't getting high off of drugs I was just getting normal, basically had always used drugs as a way of self medicating psychological problems that I wasn't aware of. I was never a fan of wasting away all my days and nights high out of my mind on drugs, I always had things I wanted to do. It was when I realized that I was taking drugs just to do what most people do sober that made me seek help.
It's still a struggle everyday but I feel like my life is improving as a result of my decision to be more sober (not take street drugs, I still take my rx's)
the toad
Bluelighter
^ true dat lol... I think maybe the realization that I had become one of those "scummy caliber human beings" didn't sit well with me 
TheLostBoys
Bluelighter
Ive gotten clean from other things on my own & I will tell you what:
1) Use to bet on horse racing heavily from 1990-98, lost about $20,000, I was addicted to it like a crack whore was to crack but one day I won $12,000 in one race but lost back $8,000 in a 2 week period & was physically sick over it & said enough is enough, I quit cold turkey w/o any help from any group, just got disgusted from it.
2) Drank alcohol off & on since I was 10 but finally quit 9 years ago w/o anyones help, just got disgusted with it.
3)Did coke several times but got disgusted by it & quit easily.
4)Did oxycodone off & on for a year but got sick & tired of doing it, disgusted & quit cold turkey w/o withdrawals, no lie.
5) Smoked cigs for 4 months in Europe because everyone else was doing it but got disgusted by the smell of my clothing & the taste in my mouth, quit easily.
Maybe there is something up with me but for some reason, I can not get hooked on anything for too long. (knock on wood it stays that way)
Now I take Norcos prescribed for back pain & throw in a Soma with it & yes, I like that combo but for how long, I also tried Morphine past 3 weeks but getting sick & tired of that also.
I dont know if what I wrote belongs here but this is whats up with me.
1) Use to bet on horse racing heavily from 1990-98, lost about $20,000, I was addicted to it like a crack whore was to crack but one day I won $12,000 in one race but lost back $8,000 in a 2 week period & was physically sick over it & said enough is enough, I quit cold turkey w/o any help from any group, just got disgusted from it.
2) Drank alcohol off & on since I was 10 but finally quit 9 years ago w/o anyones help, just got disgusted with it.
3)Did coke several times but got disgusted by it & quit easily.
4)Did oxycodone off & on for a year but got sick & tired of doing it, disgusted & quit cold turkey w/o withdrawals, no lie.
5) Smoked cigs for 4 months in Europe because everyone else was doing it but got disgusted by the smell of my clothing & the taste in my mouth, quit easily.
Maybe there is something up with me but for some reason, I can not get hooked on anything for too long. (knock on wood it stays that way)
Now I take Norcos prescribed for back pain & throw in a Soma with it & yes, I like that combo but for how long, I also tried Morphine past 3 weeks but getting sick & tired of that also.
I dont know if what I wrote belongs here but this is whats up with me.
HelloKitty29
Greenlighter
I finaly want to get clean for me... In the past my parents would send me to rehab I would do what i needed to do to finish the programs. Then I would sneak around and start back up. I didnt care about anything or anyone just getting what I wanted. I cant be like that and raise my son so today is my first day clean.
TestOfSanity
Bluelighter
The 2 main reasons I gave up heroin/opiates.
1 I didn't want to die for something so stupid. I've lost a handful of friends, and seeing, and experiencing the effects that their premature deaths had on family and friends, is powerful. Also very surreal. Have you ever been to a funeral for a dead addict friend, high on the same smack they died from? I have, and It makes me sad thinking about it now.
2 I didn't want to get arrested. It's a miracle I never got busted for heroin possession. Everyday, a lot of times twice a day, I/we drove to the shittiest, gang riddled areas to buy. If there was none in our town, we would drive to Philly, or NYC/Newark, and everywhere in between. I left the person I considered my soul mate for this reason. One day I told her I was through being a junkie, and would not be driving to buy, anymore. She agreed, and said she respected my choice. The next day she called me, said she needed a ride for dope, and would hook me up with some bags. I hung up the phone, and it was at least a year before I spoke to her again. It was one of the hardest things I ever did, and the messages she left, multiple times a week about missing me, shattered my already broken heart. That was over 3 years ago, and I haven't been in a relationship since.
1 I didn't want to die for something so stupid. I've lost a handful of friends, and seeing, and experiencing the effects that their premature deaths had on family and friends, is powerful. Also very surreal. Have you ever been to a funeral for a dead addict friend, high on the same smack they died from? I have, and It makes me sad thinking about it now.
2 I didn't want to get arrested. It's a miracle I never got busted for heroin possession. Everyday, a lot of times twice a day, I/we drove to the shittiest, gang riddled areas to buy. If there was none in our town, we would drive to Philly, or NYC/Newark, and everywhere in between. I left the person I considered my soul mate for this reason. One day I told her I was through being a junkie, and would not be driving to buy, anymore. She agreed, and said she respected my choice. The next day she called me, said she needed a ride for dope, and would hook me up with some bags. I hung up the phone, and it was at least a year before I spoke to her again. It was one of the hardest things I ever did, and the messages she left, multiple times a week about missing me, shattered my already broken heart. That was over 3 years ago, and I haven't been in a relationship since.
the toad
Bluelighter
I miss the high... but then again, when I was doing it all the time I missed it too... and there wasn't any good way to get it... now that I'm not dependent and don't overuse stuff... the occasional high I get from a small amount is soo much better than I ever got from doing large amounts all the time...
Also now I have this wonderful anticipation and buildup... I get to think about it for weeks or months and then when the proper time is there and I'm about to do some.. I get soo high... even before I do it.. its such a better place for me...
And now I shower everyday, brush my teeth twice a day, go to work everyday I'm supposed to, and I have a real life with real fun stuff to do... not just out on the hunt for drugs all the time or sitting there all loaded doing nada...
I miss the high... but then again, when I was doing it all the time I missed it too... and there wasn't any good way to get it... now that I'm not dependent and don't overuse stuff... the occasional high I get from a small amount is soo much better than I ever got from doing large amounts all the time...
Also now I have this wonderful anticipation and buildup... I get to think about it for weeks or months and then when the proper time is there and I'm about to do some.. I get soo high... even before I do it.. its such a better place for me...
And now I shower everyday, brush my teeth twice a day, go to work everyday I'm supposed to, and I have a real life with real fun stuff to do... not just out on the hunt for drugs all the time or sitting there all loaded doing nada...
I was thinking about that today. I just took an exam, and think I did pretty well. It will be six weeks this saturday since the last time something illegal entered my body. And I was thinking how great it would feel to get high (I'm talking about weed here), and that it's so much better when your high supplements the good times rather than helping you hide from the bad. Alas, the time has not yet come for me.
the toad
Bluelighter
Drugs are a vacation... you take them every now and then for a special occasion or to relax and unwind... but if your on vacation all the time it isn't that fun anymore its just normal.. and sooner or later you go broke lol
Drug abuse in the past two years fucked up the best relationship I ever had, which I thought was definitely something to last, fucked up my credit history and finances so now I need a year of hard work, overtime, and poor life. It helped me to alienate many friends, hurt feelings of my mother and relatives.
Now I am more depressed than ever, heartbroken, broke.
Was it all just drugs? Of course not but without them I could be happy now.
Doesn't mean that it will ruin everybody's life but it sure did leave me with nothing.
So far it doesn't make me feel any better, I mean being clean, but at least I am not getting myself into more debt and I start doing more other things in life which I neglected such as writing and playing music..
...
The worst thing to realize is that life is a compilation of all the chances we take and the 1/4 - 1/3 of my live culminates with me being the way I am: with life experience but nothing else that I payed for such a high price.
Now I am more depressed than ever, heartbroken, broke.
Was it all just drugs? Of course not but without them I could be happy now.
Doesn't mean that it will ruin everybody's life but it sure did leave me with nothing.
So far it doesn't make me feel any better, I mean being clean, but at least I am not getting myself into more debt and I start doing more other things in life which I neglected such as writing and playing music..
...
The worst thing to realize is that life is a compilation of all the chances we take and the 1/4 - 1/3 of my live culminates with me being the way I am: with life experience but nothing else that I payed for such a high price.
chitown rollin
Bluelighter
Realizing that I wasn't doing drugs for fun anymore. I always took drugs because they were fun, and eventually it got to the point where I was just taking them to feel normal, as much as I told myself it was for the enjoyment of them. The fact is when I wasn't on drugs I just felt off. That's when I realized I need to stop.