self medicating solutions

[DeleriousGeorge]

It doesn't seem very dark in light of other posts I've read but....

I, as a teenager, became reliant on alcohol, psychedelics, pharmaceuticals and inhalants to cope with life. I recognized however, when I turned 19, what I was going to become if I did not stop my drug/alcohol use patterns. I saw the lives of friends in their 30s and decided that I didn't want to live like they were living. So, when I was 19 I more or less quit doing drugs and using alcohol. Some of my old friends from high school are now 30-35 and pushing 70 - physically speaking - because of their alcohol, meth, opiate and cocaine use. I am not judging these people. I just realize that sometimes when you use substances, you don't control the substances, they control you.

I may also have had some issues with being too reliant on Zopiclone in my mid-20s and have been on and off antidepressants to deal with moderate depression, social anxiety and insomnia. I also, periodically, will take 4 to 8 one ounce shots of vodka, rum or whiskey with OTC muscle relaxants before bed to aid sleep. I alternate this with Zopiclone use so I don't build up a tolerance to either Zopiclone or alcohol lest I need to take more and more to get the desired effect. I am leery of getting an addiction. I recognize the warm, invigorating but relaxing feeling that drinking alcohol gives me, and the zen like relaxation that Zopiclone provides, so I am very careful in terms of the amount and regularity with which I use these substances. I also make a point of never mixing the two - in spite of the fact I know it would be fun to take copious amounts of both simultaneously.

All of that is to ask this: I would like to know what substances other people might have thought about using to cope with their depression and/or anxiety and/or insomnia, bearing in mind a moderate history of substance abuse. My depression/anxiety is really kicking me in the ahole right now and it hindered my ability to function in school last year, is hindering my ability to find work and function socially. Then again, feeling like an alien from another planet is nothing new to me as I've felt like one since grade 1.

Criteria:

(1) the substance must allow me to function on a day to day basis in a professional setting
(2) it can't be physically addictive
(3) *ideally* it's legal
(4) hopefully it's cheap too

Exclusions:

(1) Marijuana - although I may like it when combined with alcohol, it may make me very nervous/self-conscious/alien like in isolation from other substances, which is precisely the feeling I am trying to get rid of
(2) Alcohol - I like this as well, but the needed levels in the long run won't allow me to function as tolerance builds very quickly
(3) Antidepressants - I really question whether these work and I think they're a pharmaceutical profit-making conspiracy

Basically, does anyone know if they've released Fookitall 1000mg capsules yet? Ironic, in light of my view on antidepressants. Or something that will bring me up during the day and bring me down at night? This depression/anxiety crud has been kicking me in the arse my whole life and I'm getting sick of it. I have very few relationships and am feeling rather isolated at 3:15am. What's new? At least if I were spun, tripping, rolling, candy flipping or on anything with a psychostimulative effect I'd have an excuse to be up at this time of day/night/whatever.

p.s. I don't think my doctor will give me benzos because I made the mistake of being very honest with her about my previous substance use when I first went to her. She won't even give me Zopiclone anymore, and was very reluctant to give the one or two scripts she gave to me in the first place.

 

[n3ophy7e]

Hi George, firstly welcome to Bluelight

I understand where you're coming from and what you're seeking to find out. However the reality is that any of these substances that you've used in the past, including prescribed medications, and any of the drugs that people might suggest to you are only going to be a temporary "solution" to your problems. You can take any amount of different drugs to try and "feel better" for a certain period of time while the drug is having an effect, but then when you're sober again you're right back to square one, with all the same problems and emotions that you had before you were drunk/stoned/high/whatever, and possibly feeling even worse.

In fact this is a common way that drug addicts get addicted in the first place. They are looking for fast, easy answers to their problems.

But if you want a proper, long-lasting solution to your issues, I'm afraid it is just not as easy as taking a pill or having a few beers every day. You'll just keep running away from the real underlying issues that are making you feel depressed and anxious.

Have you ever had any counselling? If so, how was it? How long did you see a therapist for?
If not, how would you feel about seeing someone to talk about your depression etc?

You also mentioned insomnia. What is your current routine leading up to your bedtime? How much sleep are you actually getting? Have you ever tried any herbal supplements to help you sleep, e.g. valerian root extract, chamomile tea, melatonin, etc?

 

[queenscarlet88]

If drugs aren't putting you to sleep, herbs certainly won't put you to sleep.

You'll need to be willing to suffer for a while -- very poor sleep, for starters -- if you actually want to improve the quality of your life. Your sleep is probably worth next to nothing right now, anyway, since the drugs you're taking disrupt deep sleep and keep you in stages 1 and 2, which aren't restorative.

Going without sleep, but taking no sedatives, will lead to your head being much clearer than sleeping poorly under the influence of sedatives.

 

[Noble_mind]

I'd like to reiterate what n3ophy7e has already mentioned.

I am in a very similiar situation as you, dealing with anxiety and depression for many years, I have always looked for the perfect 'pill' or 'substance' to help me. I also suffer from sleep problems, and my sleep schedule is really fucked up to say the least.

It is my belief that some of these problems (such as anxiety and depression) may not have a permanent cure, but that it IS possible to live a very full life even with these conditions.

I'm not very good at organizing my thoughts, but I will try to list the 'pills' you should consider in order of their importance.

#1: the Goal pill. Do you have goals? dreams ? aspirations? without these things life can seem futile and unfulfilling. You need to be confident in yourself, and if you are not making progress towards becoming the person you want to be, you will always be shy, insecure, and 'akward'. Confidence is the key, and you must set realistic goals and accomplish them in order to regain your confidence.

#2: The social pill. Yes I know you are anxious, and probably don't do very well in social situations. But lets break that train of thought. Realize your limitations (do you feel self concious about your appearance? do you wonder if people think you are awkward? do you fear disapproval from others or that your opinion will be shot down?) Once you figure out your weaknesses in socializing you can begin to work on them. Litterly BABY steps are crucial here when you are starting out. Break your daily habit and try something new, something that you can look at and say "this is a baby step towards improving my situation". If you can do this everyday, you will realize that a lot of your problems stem from each other (in a sort of self-feedback loop) and that as soon as you begin solving one area, it will have influence on others, and so on and so forth.

When I say baby steps I mean litterely baby steps: try talking to the cashier at the counter, a simple smile and nod to your neighbours in the elevator, ask about the weather, etc. I don't know to what degree you suffer from anxiety, but my basic point is that wherever you see yourself now, find a way to become more social, little by little.

I will leave your prescription to these two medications for now, as I believe these are the best 'drugs' with the most positive side effects. When you have goals you have a reason to wake up in the morning and accomplish that goal (even small ones like spell checking your resume or cleaning up your room can make a huge difference overall). And when you are accomplishing your goals you are more confident, and hopefully more able to socialize. As you begin socializing more often,my hope is that you will begin to appreciate how much is out there for you to experience.

Take it from me, I am on house arrest for an indefinite period of time, I try my best to accomplish some goals, but much of my freedom is restricted. I barley see my friends (or what is left of them) I maybe see people once a week if I am lucky. I am assuming you are not on any sort of house arrest, so take advantage of your freedom. Remember, little small steps will get you where you need to be. I know you might be reading this and thinking "But my problems are too severe to be solved by these steps, I need drugs, I have a CONDITION and i need the SOLUTION" believe me, I have been there over and over, and no magic pill can ever do anything for you unless you take the initiative yourself.

Sorry for the rant, I hope I have offered you some help!

good luck!

 

[Legerity]

It is my belief that some of these problems (such as anxiety and depression) may not have a permanent cure, but that it IS possible to live a very full life even with these conditions.

I think it is a good point; what I find most helpful for me is to work on the underlying causes of anxiety (or depression, etc., whatever the case is) but to also learn to accept and experience it when it is present.

There seems to be a nice balance between change/acceptance that can be found.