Thought this place was a welcoming at first but things have changed

[MrRoot]

I really have got a lot of compassion, knowledge and support from you.

I found an answer for my sleep problems and anxiety/panic attacks with your help and that was as simple fact that I took over one gram of caffeine daily. I was able quit that with your help and support.

That lead me to taper off from diazepam and xanax and now I have been without them for a week.

I have learned what combos of drugs are safe and which not. Also I have learned how to taper off from oxycodone when I dont need it anymore for my pain.

I have also gained a lot of self-esteem and noticed that there are plenty of others trying to cope with their mental problems and pain. I have had the feeling that I am not alone. And i have gaimed lot of tips about healthful lifestyle.

It has been a great time with you people.

But today I got slapped in my face totally which lead me into a anxious, frustrated, hatred and uncomfortable feelings.

I just asked about how to prepare for the parenting as after two and half years of trying to have a child we were finally had the real oppurtinity for that as in the fertility clinic they found a simple hormonal cure for that. I also asked about how to convince my other half to let me be a stay a home dad instead of her nursing the child even that it would mean that our income would drop roughly 700 euros per month.

In the same opening post I told that I get 3200 euros of benefits per month and my other half gets roughly 1900 euros per month and they are also benefits.

I was told by <snip> that I should get a job before having a job as it is not taxpayers issue to help us raise a kid and have a decent quality of life. Basicly he told me that I am parasite scumbag living on other peoples money.

It was totally humiliating and I got angry at first and then miserable.

I am a disabled war veteran and served in Afghanistan and got a back and knee injury during a combat situation. This is why I got my benefits paid by taxpayers. I would have a option to stick for 2500 euros for doing nothing for the rest of my life. Instead I choose the option to rehabitation by physiotherapy, which is painful by the way, and going to a business college to get another job when graduating which is why I get the extra 700 euros as a mean to get better interest to go to a school.

So I chose that route so that I can become a productive citizen again.

I just want to take break from a school so I could be more with my child. And this is only for a year and I would only get that 2500 euros per month as I would not be studying. After the year I would start studying again and graduate and get a job.

So do you consider my being selfish scumbag by doing an extra year with lowered benefits?

That <snip-removingname> thinks so. Also he thinks my other half is a selfish because having children while on benefits and studying for a new job as her medical conditions caused him unable to do her work as a nurse.

So are we a selfish scumbags or just a people trying to become productive citizens again by studying and having benefits to make a decent living and to have a only miracle there is in the world, a child.

I am entitled for that 2500 euros as long as I live so as I graduate I get that amount if I cant get a job and if I get a job that has salary less than that 2500 I get benefits until it hits the 2500 euros total.

What is wrong us having a baby while on benefits and studying?

I got so angry because that comment that I needed to blow some pressure out.

 

[panic in paradise]

what that freakin guy said, is a whole world of a lot less then you have done


period


but, some people might need to hear this, it is true, but not for you guys it doesnt sound like at all, you have done whats right in major ways up to now, this is no time to let a 3rd party instill any doubt in you, or anger, especially with this.


nothing else to do but prove 'em wrong, and smile
fuk'em
their opinion is only as valid as your actions//

 

[ocean]

I'm not sure where this person said this to you- (you can report the post and a moderator will look over it- You can also put this person on "Ignore"- we don't like to drag on personal attacks in public).
Unfortunately some people can be pretty heartless and not understanding of this type of situation........
Just try to let it roll off your back.
Everyone has a right to have a child, it is your choice.

I'm sorry you ran into some negativity on your road to having a child, here of all places.
I hope you don't let it get in your way.

Lots of luck to you and keep us posted!!

 

[panic in paradise]

"Rosebud"


keep climbing the thorns brother - it is there - one sting at a time the nectar of life is yours

 

[tealmoose]

That guy was just commenting without understanding your situation. I've been in bad places too where I've relied off of the kindness of other people. I wouldn't have judged you or anybody else for your position. Don't let one judgmental comment the general attitude of this place.

 

[MrRoot]

Thank you all for your kind input.

I think that everyone has a right to their opinions but not everyone has to agree with it. But judging is not the right thing to do.

I may have overreacted to this but it is just because that at last as our dream can come through someone cames and says that it is not right to do so because we live by money others have paid to the government.

It actually turned into a healhful anger that drives my right to have meaning for my life again which in this case is the only miracle in world, a child.

It gives me strenght to not use any drugs including alcohol in means to get wasted again and helps me to cope with my bipolar disorder.

I mean not to show myself better than anyone else but I think that at the moment we are in a situation that we can take care of that wonder. I mean that my other half is totally sober and even quitted smoking, I am at the moment anymore addicted to benzos and have quitted taking any substance in order to get wasted. My other half is not anymore depressed (he got 4 point in BDI scale) and I think her depression was caused because we could not have a child before. Our financial situation is quite good. The only loan is for our newer Kia Ceed SW which is only 6000 euros anymore. We have money to buy everything the child needs. We have our parents nearby and my parents are both retired so they have time and will to babysit if something acute happens. We know how our financial income would be for next five years, how many employed person can say that without doubting it? And I know how much money I can get for rest of my life without being productive in any ways beside raising my child. We have saved for special government program for young people getting their first apartment where you save 10% for the house and when it is up you get loan for rest of it plus an extra 5000 euros for ovens, fridges etc. from government.

Hell we would even manage with my veteran benefits if needed even when paying the house loan as the interest rates are so low right now and with that government issued loan program has maximum cap that it cant get over.

We have everything planned so I think that raising a child could be done so that he or she has good conditions to become a good child.

Also I believe that we grow up at the same the child grows up.

And whats is the most important we love eachother and believe that we would love our child.

The only thing is that we do this on "other peoples" money. I believe that I have given enough to the our society by doing my job as a peacekeeper and sacrificing some of my health at the same time to help others and I have even paid a lot taxes so I think that it is time for society to give something to me. In the end I am still going to graduate and be a productive citizen and pay my taxes so some else can benefit from it. I might even finish my degree in law and start my own company and will do pro bono for atleast 10% of time for drug users in legal trouble.

Babies born even when not planned. Like in the situation in SLR where the guy did not use condom and got her gf, which he does not even care, pregnant.

 

[panic in paradise]

It actually turned into a healhful anger that drives my right to have meaning for my life again which in this case is the only miracle in world, a child.

yes, 'mad' is more of a feeling or thought that can build - 'anger' is something past mad which leads to a sort of (re-)action + and it is incredible to see the action you all are taking


these values need to be instilled in more people, as you will- and seem to have a passion for established already; so keep making babies or trying and keep in touch by all means

 

[villian]

you should work on not letting other peoples opinions stress you out (especially random people on the internet)

the key to your happiness is inside yourself so fuck what anyone else thinks

 

[alwaysblazed]

I can agree that some people on here are ignorant and not supportive. It can range from average bluelighters to moderators. I hate to say that but it's true. And there is so much public attack going on that I see but a lot of the time it gets overlooked. Sometimes I feel that moderators overuse their power at times and it makes me somewhat angry. I have no problem with moderators in this forum but in a few other forums their are some people that press my buttons.

 

[panic in paradise]

well, no need to drag out too much in public.

feel free to report me, or any other 'mod', it is a must do, no one here i dont think wants to offend anyone, and no one here should give ill-information.

there would not be any sort of retaliation, seriously, only work put towards a resolution for you, or any other user here, and the next ones to come - the site wouldnt work so well other-wise...

 

[CHiLD-0F-THE-BEAT]

OP, I think you need to realise Bluelight is like the real world. There are douche-bags as well as lovely and genuine people, and a plethora of different people from different walks of life.

Don't let one person's post get you down. You said yourself, you've gained a lot of positivity from this forum. Hold onto the good experiences and treat the haters like I do - the ignore button is there for a reason.

 

[SideOrderOfOpiates]

I was told by <snip> that I should get a job before having a job as it is not taxpayers issue to help us raise a kid and have a decent quality of life. Basicly he told me that I am parasite scumbag living on other peoples money.

It was totally humiliating and I got angry at first and then miserable.

If I read the exact reply from the previously stated Bluelighter I would, in fact, be able to give a far more valid response. Currently that is not the case. Firstly, I would like to say, were those his exact words (the parasitic scumbag bit), or yours? Secondly, all I am going to say is that IMHO you are being overly sensitive. This is a website—a website full of addicts even. With that said, not only are you exposing yourself to a number of different people, but you are exposing yourself to many people with very relentless mindsets! That is a given. Feel free to say as you please, but I honestly agree with the statement about you being employed prior to raising children. Raising a child is not anything to be taken lightly, and in my opinion, many people have children that are not fit to have them (whether it be at that time or just in general). I haven't the vaguest how harsh this person was, or even what else this person had to say. With that said, I am going to say that as stated in the above response, the internet is like the real world. Every human being is entitled to their own opinion. If you submit your feelings for their visual consumption, you are subject to hearing theirs. That is simply the way it works. How you choose to handle it, how much you choose to let it affect your mood, ect...why that is all entirely up to you.

If you feel confident that both you and your partner are fit parents, then I honestly don't think it should be worthy of evoking such troubled emotions.

Edit: I stumbled upon your post in SLR and now that I have seen the 'argument' I feel I can firmly validate my opinion. You made a post inquiring about something; inquiries usually are made with the intention of bringing forth feedback. The person whom you are making out to be some awful instigator made it more than a valid point to be polite. Do what you will by all means, but if you aren't looking for feedback, perhaps you simply shouldn't ask for it. Differences of opinion are human nature.

 

[TheLostBoys]

Dude, if I could get away with getting $2500 a month & not working & raising my child for a year or 2 until I graduated & got a good job, I certainly would do it. I would care less what that clown said because he is not in your shoes or maybe he is jealous that you are getting all this money not working & he has to bust his ass at work while getting much less per month.

Anyway, you do your thing & get paid & raise the child to the best of your abilities. It would be fun having my wife go to work & make lots of cash & have me stay home & raise the child & I would do a damn good job of it! Ive talked to my girlfriend about this before kiddingly if this situation came up & she said she would do it if she could make enough money but w/o me working, no way could we live comfortably. If you can do it, do it!

 

[TINK]

You two have to do whats right for your family. Don't worry about what others will think or how you will be judged. Especially when there is a chance that trait may me passed/learned to your offspring. I would rather spend my tax money on someone who is wanting to raise a family rather that on a 16 year old that went out and got fucked up and could careless about the kid, but now knows she has a free ride basically.

I myself can't have kids, I have come to terms with it. I am happy for you guys!


Good Luck and CONGRATS!

 

[godlovesugly]

Dude, if I could get away with getting $2500 a month & not working & raising my child for a year or 2 until I graduated & got a good job, I certainly would do it. I would care less what that clown said because he is not in your shoes or maybe he is jealous that you are getting all this money not working & he has to bust his ass at work while getting much less per month.
!

yeah i agree with this...

anyway, BL is just like the real world...there's alot of stupid motherfuckers around, BUT there are some good people too. i almost left this site for the same reason, but then realized how im seeing all the bad and not the good [thats usually how ive lived my whole life :/] there are alot of people on this site i dislike, but then again, i dislike many people in this world. everyone isnt like that dickhead though.

haters are gonna hate. they're just jealous...i know how its hard not to let people affect you, but try not to. i think it was katt williams who said something like, if you got haters you're doing something right. people hate what is good.

"So what, she/he keeps talking about you and hating on you. What do you think a hater's job is...to hate. If you have someone hating on you right now you better think of how to get five more people hating by Christmas. You need haters to make you stronger..without haters most people wouldn't try to become better. Just tell them bitch you just hate me because you can't be me." -katt williams

 

[Warped Reality]

Thank you for serving your country, you deserve every little bit of money you get from the Government. In fact, tax-payers money SHOULD have to go to you because you're putting your life on the line just to let those scumbags sleep at night.