TheTwighlight
Bluelighter
Serenity. That's what helps me control myself these days. The lack of complete and total chaos that comes with being hooked on all of those drugs. What I meant by what I said is, that when I was hopeless and desperate, I didn't think there was a way out. I didn't believe that I could ever be sober. That nearly killed me. I became so irresponsible with my drug abuse that I was on the edge of death more times than I care to count. Waking up in the hospital from near-death ODs and having no idea how I got there, just going "fuck, I thought that was going to be it this time." I guess it is a difference in personalities, because although I finally DID reach the point where I wanted to get clean due to complete hopelessness, it only lasted a short period of time. It was me finally just saying, "I don't ever want to get high again; I'm sick of this shit" that brought me out of the woods. And honestly wanting and believing I could do it. I cannot control shit when it comes to drugs, so I abstain completely.
