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Lifes a bitch, then you die !

django47

django47

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 19, 2010
Messages
64
Location
colchester uk
I never dreamed that I would still be a junkie when I was in my 60s. But here I am at 63 and I've got no intentions of suffering withdrawals at my age. I get methadone but as far as I'm concerned its a standby so I don't get really sick when I run short of money to score with.
I will not go out thieving or start dealing because I cant face going to prison. Back in the 80s I got 8 years for dealing, which was reduced to 5 years, because the police were as bent as a nine bob note, and had to drop some charges to prevent them standing alongside me in the dock. Anyway, it all left a bad taste in my mouth and I decided that I didn't wanna go through all that again.
I'll die a junkie I know, but what else is there, I suffer a lot of pain in my joints and 18 months ago I was hit by a car and spent 5 months in hospital, I still suffer from the injuries. Thats besides the arthritis that keeps me awake every night.
Is it any woonder that I live for heroin. I couldn't imagine life without it.
I first got a taste for it when I was 15, back in the 60s but didn't get really hooked until 1972 and I've been on it since then.
If I won the lottery I would buy a few keys and lock myself away and do fuck all but get wasted and chill out. Then when I run out I would go out and buy a few more keys. Thats how my life would go till I reached the end. Wot a lovely dream innit !
 
I can relate to that dream of yours. My fantasy was to have an unlimited bag of weed, speed, and cigs. Either that or be permanently hooked up to some electrical device that stimulates the pleasure centers of my brain.

You are entitled to live the life you want. If this is what you want, then great. But change is not impossible. I've met people older than you in rehab that changed their life and seemed quite content.

Take care of yourself <3
 
well, django i am a geezer too but not strung out for decades . charlie clean is up there in years as well and still on the gear . he gets UK heroin from some sort of social agency there .
i once was on methadone but it was so fucking humiliating that i just quit cold turkey .
did that cure more than once my man and it is a rough few weeks

morphine for pain is unimaginably effective . i am missing several internal parts and have been smashed up badly in industrial accidents . when i would recover from general anesthesia in the hospital, all that i experienced was total, blinding pain . nurse comes running with a syringe and presto - no pain at all .

nothing good has ever come from addiction in my life and now i don't even like to put non narcotic meds in me carcass . i just straggle along with the neuroleptic, arthritic and gastro-intestinal pain .

after all the times that i collapsed with the rig still stuck in the mainline, it's a fucking wonder that i have the life still in me .

like you i hit the drug scene in the mid sixtys . san franciso and the summer of love generated not a few with lingering substance abuse and behavioral problems . only thing that redeems that era was forcing the end of the viet nam invasion.
 
When I reach your age I would be far from wanting to get wasted or do drugs. I'm not even graduated from high school and this whole lifestyle is getting boring. When I'm in my 60's ill be spending time with my grandchildren and being the best grandmother I can be. Maybe a little wine with my dinner but that shall be all.
 
i am out to pasture in a remote rural area. i draw 2 pensions and social security . i drink in moderation and live simply . i have a couple of investments for ages and they kick a quarterly dividend despite the economic implosion.

work was easy to find when i was in the labor force but that was an entirely different era. unions still had clout and thus my pensions. my body is trashed from heavy labor but i owe no one or no thing .

this is my 3rd house and it's mortgage free. the first two were HUD dumps that i spent buckets of sweat equity rebuilding and finally selling at a profit. now mortgages are cheap, cheap, cheap but around here no one can sell a house as there is no work in the area save commercial fishing and that's not dependable.

my son seems to be following my footsteps as he bought a fucking wreck of a crackhouse and is learning his chops fixing the dump up for sale when and if things recover.

now it seems that a sheepskin is necessary for a fry cook's job . unions and a living wage seems to be a memory . fucking conservatives won't be satisfied until there is no middle class left. the scumbags want a return to feudalism. tough times for you people in the workforce today. i am thankful that my generation saw prosperity up until the republicans got into power and devastated the deficit.
 
I've kinda got the same attitude, django. There have been times that I've wanted to get clean, but frankly, I just don't have a good enough reason. Drugs (especially meth) have become my life and my identity... I don't know anything different. If I kicked my habits there would be a massive void in my life. I still wouldn't be able to get a job or be a contributing member of society, so what is there to gain? Plus all my friends and aquaintances are drug users themselves, so I'd be pretty lonely and isolated.
 
alwaysblazed said:
When I reach your age I would be far from wanting to get wasted or do drugs.

I'm not even graduated from high school
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Never say never. You got a long ways to go before 60, and life twists in strange directions. I hope your can fulfill your puritanical dream; best wishes.
 
if alwaysblazed is disinclined to embrace substance abuse and isn't emotionally/mentally disturbed then it's a safe bet that his 'puritanical' stance is going to last. addiction is a sort of an infantile behavior pattern, ie always going for instant gratification, no sight of long term gains to be made.
''never say never'' holds water of course but probability is in play as well.
 
my own body is attacking itself. i've got bad arthritis. i'm having trouble just standing and walking. i'm 35 and if things get worse. i may have to ask my mom to move in w/ me. i can't stand it. :X
 
I work in the labor industry, blue collared, whatever...basically I do heavy physical labor 12 hrs a day in a steel factory, for as many days straight that I can force myself to work. I hope I'm not physically fucked by the time I'm that age. I don't know about back in the 80s or whatever, but we don't get paid nearly enough now for the work we do. I make 8 fucking dollars an hour.

With the way its going, I'm sure I'll still be a closet addict to some drug when I'm old. I secretly wonder how many older folks are life long drug users, cause for some reason I don't generally think of older people when I think about drug use.
 
Django,I started heroin at 15.I'm now 54,I don't do heroin but I'm on Suboxone and Xanax.I moved from N.Y. to get away from Heroin.I now live in Massachusetts for the past ten years and still can't go back home because I know I would be copping.Yeh,I could get dope here but it is at least 5 times the price and it is not as good.I figure if I want a dope habit again,then I'll go home.I never thought I would still be alive at this age and if I was,I thought I would be clean.I'm glad that I am not spending my money on illegal drugs,now I am an legal addict.The government pays for my prescriptions.Django,did you ever try and move away from where you get high?I know that being in N.Y/N.J/,I could not ever have stopped.Rehabs,detoxes,meetings,none of that ever worked for me.I would hate to start shooting dope again because being female and a long time addict,I have no veins left.I think I will be addicted until I die.
 
zombiesarepeaceful said:
I work in the labor industry, blue collared, whatever...basically I do heavy physical labor 12 hrs a day in a steel factory, for as many days straight that I can force myself to work. I hope I'm not physically fucked by the time I'm that age. I don't know about back in the 80s or whatever, but we don't get paid nearly enough now for the work we do. I make 8 fucking dollars an hour.

With the way its going, I'm sure I'll still be a closet addict to some drug when I'm old. I secretly wonder how many older folks are life long drug users, cause for some reason I don't generally think of older people when I think about drug use.
Click to expand...

i honestly don't know or have i met and seniors that are strung out. Plenty of us use therapeutic meds to keep things in check though. The allure of chemical abuse becomes a distant and dismal memory for the vast majority as time marches on.

one begins to take a much brighter view of life as one understands and can predict how we will interact with society. Believe me that when the giant foot in the back that drives us to chase as many skirts as possible begins to diminish in power, that alone makes life more easy to live.

$8 bucks an hour - that's a fucking travesty-can you not contact a labor organizer ? The iron workers would be right there if you contacted the local.
I was making $8 in 1975 as a union machinist. When i retired it was $26.
 
It is horribly depressing to see income inequality to such an extent within the wealthiest nation in the world. I find it infuriating when people parrot the corporatist meme of: "if you can't afford to live, just work two full-time jobs." It is a return to the days when corporations could exploit people to the fullest extent possible. Drive down the average wage, while energy costs keep rising, and rake in the cash, certainly is the way of the world today. Pretty soon you will need a Bachelors degree costing upwards of $50k-100K just to get a minimum wage job.
 
django47 said:
I never dreamed that I would still be a junkie when I was in my 60s. But here I am at 63 and I've got no intentions of suffering withdrawals at my age. I get methadone but as far as I'm concerned its a standby so I don't get really sick when I run short of money to score with.
I will not go out thieving or start dealing because I cant face going to prison. Back in the 80s I got 8 years for dealing, which was reduced to 5 years, because the police were as bent as a nine bob note, and had to drop some charges to prevent them standing alongside me in the dock. Anyway, it all left a bad taste in my mouth and I decided that I didn't wanna go through all that again.
I'll die a junkie I know, but what else is there, I suffer a lot of pain in my joints and 18 months ago I was hit by a car and spent 5 months in hospital, I still suffer from the injuries. Thats besides the arthritis that keeps me awake every night.
Is it any woonder that I live for heroin. I couldn't imagine life without it.
I first got a taste for it when I was 15, back in the 60s but didn't get really hooked until 1972 and I've been on it since then.
If I won the lottery I would buy a few keys and lock myself away and do fuck all but get wasted and chill out. Then when I run out I would go out and buy a few more keys. Thats how my life would go till I reached the end. Wot a lovely dream innit !
Click to expand...
If you really feel you might remain a junkie the rest of your life, then it might be time to find acceptance. Such acceptance might even end up letting you off the H at the end. It's about accepting the way you are instead of trying to become something else, I think.

Peace...
 
reformer said:
Never say never. You got a long ways to go before 60, and life twists in strange directions. I hope your can fulfill your puritanical dream; best wishes.
Click to expand...

I know I will not be doing drugs at that age. I have the willpower to do so and I just know if I was still getting high at that age I probably would kill myself.... I plan to have children before then and I will have children when I'm clean..then I will remain clean for my grandchildren.
 
To add an on-topic post, you will have to keep in mind, django47, there may come a time when you are too sick to get access to what you are addicted to, and you may have to go through withdrawal while you are dying. It certainly would not be a pretty sight. I'll echo Dedbeet, and suggest that you maybe try to accept the person you are, and try to live the person you are. Yet, that may be impossible at this point, because PAWS may last as long as your remaining years, at least that is what I would lead myself to believe if I were in your situation. Then again, if you taper slowly to a very very low dose, you just may avoid PAWS, and find that you can live a clean life. Either way, of course, it is your life and your choice, and only you know what is best for you.
 
No matter how old you are, you can change your life for the better - I promise! :)

Have you considered doing a long taper with methadone? One which is not painless but not enjoyable at the same time, knowing one day you will have changed your life for the better?

If you are in pain and are taking methadone - don't feel bad if you supplement it sometimes, people in pain deserve pain relief.

If you aren't in pain - then you still can quit and eventually put it behind you.

I think that sometimes people need a long time to get over a certain part of their lives, and other people may just need a year or two. We are all different, but we are all resilient in the sense that we all have the power to change. :)
 
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