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Depression

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catinthehat4

Bluelighter
Joined
Nov 7, 2010
Messages
92
Been pretty depressed since a one time mdma/probably speed dosage of about 400-500mg on halloween. my case seems really rare but i feel like i just burned my brain out. i feel like i'm destitute...destined for a life of depression. i can't take it. anyone got any advice/words of hope? or am i screwed :(

i want my life back. i want to be happy again. what's wrong with my brain?

it's been 6 months. how long should i give it?
 
hiii catinthehat4,

first off, one time with mdma shouldnt cause depression. do you do any other drugs?

and hows your diet?
do you take any supplements?
workout?
been any drama in your life lately?

all of these can be contributing factors to depression pal, i have manic depression and i think what works best for me is long-distance running and gloving. i noticed that when i started taking charge of my health that i was much less depressed.
 
ive always had issues with depression and addiction, one of the most helpful remedies is so simple i think people overlook it (in my experience anyway) take an amino acid supplement and daily vitamins and try to excercise. Anti depressants are another course of action but they made me feel like a zombie..i was amazed that after taking supplements for about two weeks and starting to excercise again i felt like a whole new person! And i felt like you, like i had "burned my brain out" doing some bad shit
I read about the amino acid thing here on Bluelight and decided to give it a shot when i was going thru PAWS and i was amazed that such a simple change made a NOTICEABLE difference...I felt like after using to many drugs the last thing i wanted was another "drug" to make me happy, so i tried the supplements and just upping my activity level...and it worked!! At least give it a try?
 
I agree with piebald. I'm not sure how severe my depression is, it's very hard to tell because you can't ever get inside a "normal" person's head to see what the difference is. But once I started taking B vitamins daily, I feel revitalized. I have more energy, and even decreased anxiety in social situations, which has been my cross to bear ever since I can remember.
 
Does not sound quite right to blame that just ON THE MDMA and only a ONE TIME USE of it lol?
 
Thomas29 said:
Does not sound quite right to blame that just ON THE MDMA and only a ONE TIME USE of it lol?
Click to expand...

everyones different dude. its certainly a possibility. havent you heard about all the ONE TIME acid trips and the weeks of anxiety following?
 
thomas29: that's exactly what i'd love to figure out. i think perhaps i had a predisposition for depression and a serotonin hurricane really fucked me. or then again, it may have been the mdma alone. i took a large acute dose and overheated. that's a recipe for damage. either way, i'm just trying to get healthy/happy again and i'm looking for some info. i'd love if this was all psychological. the guilt attached with "burning my brain" is hard to bear.
 
It's very unlikely that one use caused permanent damage. Any guilt that you have about your use will most likely magnify the negative effects.

Don't think in terms of brain damage. Substances may alter brain chemistry in various ways but the idea of permanent damage gets thrown around all the time. This often makes things seem worse than they really are.

If you can find other ways to enrich your life you may feel better. Friends, family, music, meditation, learning new things, etc. etc. Your choices will overpower any potential neurochemical consequences of a single MDMA use.
 
piebald said:
ive always had issues with depression and addiction, one of the most helpful remedies is so simple i think people overlook it (in my experience anyway) take an amino acid supplement and daily vitamins and try to excercise. Anti depressants are another course of action but they made me feel like a zombie..i was amazed that after taking supplements for about two weeks and starting to excercise again i felt like a whole new person! And i felt like you, like i had "burned my brain out" doing some bad shit
I read about the amino acid thing here on Bluelight and decided to give it a shot when i was going thru PAWS and i was amazed that such a simple change made a NOTICEABLE difference...I felt like after using to many drugs the last thing i wanted was another "drug" to make me happy, so i tried the supplements and just upping my activity level...and it worked!! At least give it a try?
Click to expand...

This sounds like what I need to try!
 
^^^^ yeah!! Give it a shot..I was a HOT MESS and it really made a difference... and I felt better about taking the supplements because i knew I wasn't just adding another chemical to my already pickled brain. I used aminos, Sam-E, B complex and a spoonfull of Flax seed oil everyday.
It just kind of felt like it almost helped "re-set" my body and mind...good luck
 
catinthehat4 said:
thomas29: that's exactly what i'd love to figure out. i think perhaps i had a predisposition for depression and a serotonin hurricane really fucked me. or then again, it may have been the mdma alone. i took a large acute dose and overheated. that's a recipe for damage. either way, i'm just trying to get healthy/happy again and i'm looking for some info. i'd love if this was all psychological. the guilt attached with "burning my brain" is hard to bear.
Click to expand...

well the overheating amplifies the damage so thats probably a huge contributing factor.

has it been getting better or worse lately?
 
yes, it's gotten better over the past 6 months. but i'm still suffering from a low grade depression and i'm worried it will never go away.

as far as the overheating goes: i had sex in a hot room. i didn't throw up, i didn't pass out. i didn't pay too much attention to my body temp but i do feel like i would've noticed something if it was unhealthily elevated.

but yeah, shit sucks right now.
 
catinthehat4 said:
yes, it's gotten better over the past 6 months. but i'm still suffering from a low grade depression and i'm worried it will never go away.

as far as the overheating goes: i had sex in a hot room. i didn't throw up, i didn't pass out. i didn't pay too much attention to my body temp but i do feel like i would've noticed something if it was unhealthily elevated.

but yeah, shit sucks right now.
Click to expand...

sex in a hot room on ecstasy = GREAT NIGHT;)

but has anything happened recently that couldve triggered the depression? loss of family, loss of friends, etc?

maybe you should see a doctor:(
 
It seems for me that you are feeling quite guilty of that trip? Enough guilty alone and you end up depressed. I think that you should tell your symptoms to Dr to get some antidepression drugs and to get into a cognitive behaviour therapy.
 
Legerity said:
It's very unlikely that one use caused permanent damage. Any guilt that you have about your use will most likely magnify the negative effects.

Don't think in terms of brain damage. Substances may alter brain chemistry in various ways but the idea of permanent damage gets thrown around all the time. This often makes things seem worse than they really are.

If you can find other ways to enrich your life you may feel better. Friends, family, music, meditation, learning new things, etc. etc. Your choices will overpower any potential neurochemical consequences of a single MDMA use.
Click to expand...

I want to agree with you, but i'm not so sure.
 
piebald said:
ive always had issues with depression and addiction, one of the most helpful remedies is so simple i think people overlook it (in my experience anyway) take an amino acid supplement and daily vitamins and try to excercise. Anti depressants are another course of action but they made me feel like a zombie..i was amazed that after taking supplements for about two weeks and starting to excercise again i felt like a whole new person! And i felt like you, like i had "burned my brain out" doing some bad shit
I read about the amino acid thing here on Bluelight and decided to give it a shot when i was going thru PAWS and i was amazed that such a simple change made a NOTICEABLE difference...I felt like after using to many drugs the last thing i wanted was another "drug" to make me happy, so i tried the supplements and just upping my activity level...and it worked!! At least give it a try?
Click to expand...

Excellent tactics that also worked for me.

I believe I've experienced what you have now and it's discouraging. I overdid it one night, and went into a dark mood from hell for 11 days after the party and weeks of melancholy afterward. I'm no stranger to depression and I knew better than to over do it like that, but what was done was done. I struggled with feeling grim and teary and generally pointless many months afterward. I'd say though, that although I could point to that night as an evil catalyst, what I really had were depression issues that had to be dealt with.

I don't recall how long it took, but under a year it was behind me. I did as piebald suggested, but i needed to do that anyways! The idea of exercise almost killed me, so I just danced in my living room 20 minutes a day.

I also want to add that something else helped. Despite my reluctance and a hiatus, I ended up going out dancing again. I was responsible with my usage, had a great night and generally ended up feeling better about life again... sort of like those first time afterglows but with a distinct line in the sand regarding my dark mood.

I still go out (within reason, of course!) just for the mood boost (ok, :)and sometimes the dj! lol) I've learned how to balance it out and reap some of the actual mdma benefits... (can you say self-medication? lol)

good luck, i'm sure you'll be fine :)
 
piebald said:
ive always had issues with depression and addiction, one of the most helpful remedies is so simple i think people overlook it (in my experience anyway) take an amino acid supplement and daily vitamins and try to excercise. Anti depressants are another course of action but they made me feel like a zombie..i was amazed that after taking supplements for about two weeks and starting to excercise again i felt like a whole new person! And i felt like you, like i had "burned my brain out" doing some bad shit
I read about the amino acid thing here on Bluelight and decided to give it a shot when i was going thru PAWS and i was amazed that such a simple change made a NOTICEABLE difference...I felt like after using to many drugs the last thing i wanted was another "drug" to make me happy, so i tried the supplements and just upping my activity level...and it worked!! At least give it a try?
Click to expand...

Excellent tactics that also worked for me.

I believe I've experienced what you have now and it's discouraging. I overdid it one night, and went into a dark mood from hell for 11 days after the party and weeks of melancholy afterward. I'm no stranger to depression and I knew better than to over do it like that, but what was done was done. I struggled with feeling grim and teary and generally pointless many months afterward. I'd say though, that although I could point to that night as an evil catalyst, what I really had were depression issues that had to be dealt with.

I don't recall how long it took, but under a year it was behind me. I did as piebald suggested, but i needed to do that anyways! The idea of exercise almost killed me, so I just danced in my living room 20 minutes a day.

I also want to add that something else helped. Despite my reluctance and a hiatus, I ended up going out dancing again. I was responsible with my usage, had a great night and generally ended up feeling better about life again... sort of like those first time afterglows but with a distinct line in the sand regarding my dark mood.

I still go out (within reason, of course!) just for the mood boost (ok and sometimes the dj! lol) I've learned how to balance it out and reap some of the actual mdma benefits... (can you say self-medication? lol)

good luck, i'm sure you'll be fine :)
 
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