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  • BDD Moderators: Keif’ Richards

Feeling guilty after using amphetamines

Seattle_Stranger

Seattle_Stranger

Bluelighter
Joined
Mar 5, 2009
Messages
1,903
Location
Seattle, WA
Without giving a long boring drawn out story that you've probably heard before, I enjoy dabbling in this and that, I take a great interest in psychoactives, love researching them, all that. Organics fascinate me, while synthetics don't sit well with me. I don't like the idea of taking synthetic drugs if there is a natural, organic alternative. I simply gain a much more positive experience from that, whether it actually is healthier or not. This does not mean I'm completely against synths though, I simply prefer el natural.

Having said that, there something about amphetamines. I can binge on opiates, I can binge on benzos, I can trip on psychs, I smoke weed every day, I don't ever really feel bad about any of this. However, when I take amphetamines, in any amount, in any variety whether it be MDMA or adderall, 10mg or 100mg, I always get this anxious feeling of guilt that comes over me, and I feel dirty, guilty, like I'm damaging myself, I start reconsidering my drug use altogether, etc.. Even if it's one simple usage, in a therapeutic amount.

Does anyone else ever feel like this? I never abused amps, never binged on them, it's the drug I have the least experience with, and have more or less always been pretty careful when using them. I haven't rolled that many times either. However no matter what, I always just feel like a loser for using amphetamines!! I've snorted oxy, cocaine, ambien, I've eaten mushrooms, I drink kratom regularly, and none of this bothers me. I take one little 10mg adderall with a friend for an energizing walk and I feel like a dirty druggie for doing it. :!

Just wondering if I'm alone on this. :)
 
When you take amps you dump quite a lot of feel good drugs your brain naturally produces during use. Quite a lot if people feel depressed after they cone down. This coupled with your natural montra could be enough to produce these guilty feelings your having.
 
I understand that, but that doesn't explain why I still feel this way while on them. It's something that sort of can't be ignored. I never get a "Wow I'm glad I took this drug!" feeling like I do with opiates and others. I always get feelings of regret and guilt. I also get this full body anxiety that pours over me any time I think about taking amps like MDMA, severely enough to make me think it's literally my body trying to tell me something. If I know I'm going to roll this weekend, I'll feel anxious about it all week, and then the day of the roll will be one long anxiety attack until I finally pop. Then, the anxiety simply turns into disgust, with feelings like "Why do I bother with this shit?" which obviously completely ruins any and all good effects that may have come.

I have no problem simply saying buh bye to amps, and that includes MDMA. It's just not worth the anxiety and depression that surrounds it, both chemically and psychologically. They useful, but not at this price. Perhaps my body just does not agree with amps. I feel like the anxiety I feel when I think about taking amps is seriously my body telling me nooooooo don't do that to me again!!! :p
 
Maybe it's your bullshit natural over synthetic mantra giving you a negative mindset and not allowing you to enjoy your high?
 
Rio Fantastic said:
Maybe it's your bullshit natural over synthetic mantra giving you a negative mindset and not allowing you to enjoy your high?
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Cross out the "bullshit" and you might have a true statement. However, if this was the case, I'd feel the same way about using oxycodone or valium, both of which I absolutely love.

I don't think it's bullshit that I prefer organics over synthetics. I've had by far better luck with them in my experimentation over the past few years, and this is simply the conclusion I have arrived at. I have not always felt this way, and to be honest, synths used to be what I sought after until I just started noticing a nasty track record with them. I also noticed an abnormally smooth and easy ride all along with the organics I've used. Conclusions cannot help but be drawn, ya know? Definitely not bullshit. As with EVERYTHING, to each his own, what works for you may not for me, YMMV, etc..

If you started driving a car to work once every two days, and rode a bike to work every other day, and your car breaks down on the way to work almost once a week, while your bike has never failed you, don't you think you'll eventually just be like f- it I'll bike it to work everyday? Or just keep wrestling with this car, chasing that dream of having a perfect comfortable ride every time, only to eventually to have it wrap me around a telephone pole? :p

Not that I'm against cars....:o
 
nah when im stimulated i feel ontop of the world, only on the come downs i feel terrible guilt, etc

listen to your body, its giving you good advice
 
i've always felt enormous guilt after doing meth, but not cause i did the meth, but because i usually wound up lying to loved ones about it.
 
its an anxiety symptom.. you must be unfortunately focusing on it, instead of what you intended to focus on.

everybody gets it, its just how you respond to it.

if you binge sometimes it can be unavoidable, but otherwise is just mind over matter.
 
I'm sure it's a mind over matter thing, and perhaps I'll get over it, but I never have and probably never will binge on amphetamines. As some of you said, they just simply are not for me and don't work well enough for the price paid by my mind and body.

Thanks guys!
 
i feel this way too. amps generally suck IMO. short high, much longer crash. not worth it.
 
silentwake said:
i feel this way too. amps generally suck IMO. short high, much longer crash. not worth it.
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Short high? Are you joking? Methamphetamine is by far the longest acting stimulant. People can go a week without sleeping, maybe more. I've never gone that long but I hear of people who do. D-amp lasts about 4-6 hours, much longer than cocaine.
 
NSFW:
There not good ... theres that RC thats out ... i think one of the brands are "IVORY WAVE"... I dont know much about it but i heard its a very strong AMP sooo.... Any AMP can put you into a AMP PHYCOSIS which can result in mental hospitalization. That can lead to TOXIC PHYCOSIS which is even worse ... So AMPs may be euphoric but not good for your body or mental health
 
If you don't like them don't do them, I'm the opposite, I love rx amps and I only feel guilty if I overindulge too many days in a row. I'm prescribed them for ADD so I do realize they have a therapeutic value for me when I take them as prescribed.

Basically if you feel guilty about doing a drug or bad about it then don't do it!
 
silentwake said:
i feel this way too. amps generally suck IMO. short high, much longer crash. not worth it.
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​
Everyone reacts differently to psychoactives and it does not surprise me to find a few people with negative experiences, even from small doses. Yes, the crash from amphetamines is particularly harsh due to their mechanism of action in the brain. This action results in substantial prolonged dopamine (DA) release that accounts for the six hour high a user might achieve, as well as the twelve hour crash and burn afterwards. DA supplies in the brain are exhausted and generally the worst feelings encompass an amphetamine comedown, such as severe depression and fatigue.


​
As for Seattle_Stranger's inability to overcome negative side effects, some people are more prone than others. The anxiety and stress, both common SE's, are manifested in feelings of guilt, dirtiness, etc. These are present in all types of AMPHs and there could be something up with your specific brain chemistry that causes you particular discomfort. Normally those effects level off after a few days of consistent therapeutic dosing; however they often return later in the treatment and can develop into a serious condition. Most people find that the initial euphoria generated by the drugs makes the other effects more tolerable. In your case, there may be some underlying issues with self-confidence that contribute to these feelings as well.


​
Some people made some great suggestions! There are a few different types of AMPHs with different actions on the brain. Concerta and Vyvanse are very different medications for instance. Just be wary! These are dangerous meds. Amphetamine is even more neurotoxic than cocaine and is thought to cause permanent brain damage when your body fights back against the drug.
 
Seattle_Stranger said:
I've eaten mushrooms, I drink kratom regularly, and none of this bothers me. I take one little 10mg adderall with a friend for an energizing walk and I feel like a dirty druggie for doing it. :!

Just wondering if I'm alone on this. :)
Click to expand...

Let's just take a step back for a second and analyze this specific situation. You know that taking amphetamines makes you have feelings of guilt and remorse. Therefore, before you take an amphetamine, you are thinking, "I'll try it again, but I'm probably going to feel really bad about taking it after I take it." If you're thinking that, that is where your primary focus lies. If your primary focus does indeed correlate to guilt pre-medicating, then obviously you are going to continue thinking about it after you take it, but more intensely. Adderall is produced in a way so that you get a focusing effect like speed, but with the intention of keeping it less addictive and without such harmful side effects. It's almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy.
 
GBarge said:
Let's just take a step back for a second and analyze this specific situation. You know that taking amphetamines makes you have feelings of guilt and remorse. Therefore, before you take an amphetamine, you are thinking, "I'll try it again, but I'm probably going to feel really bad about taking it after I take it." If you're thinking that, that is where your primary focus lies. If your primary focus does indeed correlate to guilt pre-medicating, then obviously you are going to continue thinking about it after you take it, but more intensely. Adderall is produced in a way so that you get a focusing effect like speed, but with the intention of keeping it less addictive and without such harmful side effects. It's almost like a self-fulfilling prophecy.
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I understand what you're saying. Perhaps you are right.

I have a fist full of clean and tested E pills that I want/need to get rid of, considered flushing them or just giving them away. I'm having a party this Saturday. I might just pop one and go on with my night. I know it's going to be an awesome time no matter what, so maybe me not focusing so much on a drug-driven experience it might actually work this time. :p

The problem that I'm trying to wrap my self around is to not let drugs drive my life and experiences, but enhance them.
 
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